i need advice..i feel completely broken.i am lost..

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Jez
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/1/2009 1:41 AM (GMT -7)   
hey all...
 
ive posted here before. well i just found out my ex is pregnant by another guy. i am shattered..heres the whole story..
 
we went out for 2 years before...then she broke up with me and left me for another guy...after that she wanted me back and we talked...so i took her back.....then she broke up with yet again and said that she wanted to make sure this was the right decision so she wanted a "break". so we were friends for a while and during that while i thought she wasnt seeing anyone...but during that time she has been seeing someone for 5 months....she even told me that there isnt anyone else...
 
i dont know why i trusted this girl so much..i really love her. and i will always love her no matter what..but i know i need to move on...after i found out the news..i feel completely shattered...this girl meant the world to me...shes lied to me so many times...but theres this feeling inside of me that still says that she is something special for some reason..
 
i need to move on...but at the same time i worry about her alot..since she has a baby now and shes only 18.im going insane...i want to just move on and let her go forever....but at the same time i want to be her friend because i am so worried about her...
 
please tell me what i should do.....
 
thank you....
 
 
 
 

Jez
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/1/2009 1:51 AM (GMT -7)   
ive been hurt too much...but i cant seem to let go....i love her so much....but im having trouble finding my happiness. please tell me what to do...ive never thought i would cry over a girl...and especially this much...its just geting worse..my heart is completely broken...

tbowlegs
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/1/2009 1:55 AM (GMT -7)   
I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING A FEW YEARS BACK BUT IT WAS MY EX-BF WHO GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNAT. IT SEEMED LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD BUT IT WASN'T! EVERY DAY IT GOT A LITTLTE EASIER AND I HAD TO LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT I DESERVED BETTER AND IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE. MY ADVICE TO YOU IS THAT YOU SHOULD WORK ON YOU FOR A WHILE AND DON'T WORRY about YOUR EX OR WHAT SHE IS DOING OR YOU WILL MISS THE WOMAN COMING IN THE DOOR FOR YOU WHILE YOU ARE WORRYING about THE WOMAN GOING OUT THE DOOR. IT WILL GET BETTER BEFORE IT GETS ANY WORSE. I HOPE THAT HELPED!!!

Jez
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/1/2009 1:59 AM (GMT -7)   
thank you...but how do you defend yourself against the things she says...like if i wish i never did this...i wish i never hurt you...i wish i could rewind time...

those things she told me always enter my head...and thats what hurts the most...she keeps confessing and she keeps telling me how i was the best and that i will always have her heart...

how do you defend yourself against that..its killing me..

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 4/1/2009 7:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jez,

You said that she lies all of the time, How do you know what she is saying is true? I would work on myself, you can be there for her, but take care of you and see what transpires from there on in.

Do you want to be a father to the child? Can you live with the fact that the other man will be in her life for the next 18 years? There is a lot more going on here than meets the eye. I would seriously think about this situation and make sure that you can deal with it. But for now I would take it one day at a time.

Best wishes,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/1/2009 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jez,

That's good advice......you should focus on taking care of yourself during what is understandably a tough time for you. I do understand why you feel the way you do, and how much you feel for this girl.....just remember not to sacrifice your health and well-being. Have you talked to anyone, like a counselor, about what you are going through? There is a real process of grief when you lose someone you love, and sometimes we need help to move forward. Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing.

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 4/1/2009 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jez,  I think you have gotten some good advice from the others.  You do just need to take things one day at a time.  Stop and think about what has gone on in this relationship.  You say your gf has lied to you a lot.  Is that really the kind of person you want to be with?  Can you have a solid and trusting relationship with someone who lies?  Also, what Karen has said is true - do you want to be a father to another man's child?  A person who will be in your lives for a very long time?  Sometimes it is better to cut off all contact with a person for a while, think about what your future plans are and what you want out of life.  I assume that if your gf is only 18 that you are young too.  There are many girls out there who would enjoy your company if you would give someone a chance.  Although right now I think it best not to try to enter into another relationship. If she told you she wasn't seeing anyone for the five months you were apart and now she's pregnant, what does that say about her?  Is this worth it?  I think you need to work on yourself now and don't dwell on the past or what she has said to you in the past.  The past is gone and will not be coming back.  Concentrate on each day, baby steps and what you can do to improve your situation.  Do you have family who are suppotive?  Maybe now would be a good time to get some counseling.  There is much ahead for you in life so look to the future with positiive thoughts.  Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.  Remember to take good care of you.
 
Gentle hugs,
 
Aurora

Oliv Green
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/1/2009 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Jez:
 
I think you really need to step out of the box, and look at what this girl has done. She doesnt seen worthy of your love. You seemed to really care for this girl, and she didnt see it. I would take this as a blessing from above that you dodged that bullet. She coulda got pregnant by you, and you could now be with a lieing, cheating, "girl" with a baby. You can still care for her, but maybe she needs to be treated in the same respect she gave you. You're still young, when you get older you'll notice she was wrong for you, and the right one is out there. Give it time.

Jez
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/1/2009 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you everyone for your replies. i am taking day by day..i understand that i need to just work on myself...its just hard. especially when you care for someone and love someone so much. you worry about them all the time...have that urge to just call them and see if they are okay...

im starting to think maybe this happened all for a reason..that she wasnt right for me and so on...i just always though she was the one.

thanks again for all your support. i really appreciate it. its getting easier by the day...i just hope things will get better for me..

Oliv Green
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/1/2009 7:05 PM (GMT -7)   
They will get better.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 4/1/2009 8:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Oliv green,

I just wanted to welcome you to the depression forum. I don't think I remember you posting before. There is a wonderful group of members here and I am happy that you have joined us.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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