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tbowlegs
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/1/2009 1:47 AM (GMT -7)   
I AM A SURVIVOR OF 8 YEARS WORTH OF SEXUAL,EMOTIONAL,PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND OR KNOW HOW I AM SUPPOSED TO FEEL. I CRY ALOT AND TRY TO GET THE PEOPLE AROUND ME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HURTS ME AND MAKES ME FEEL HELPLESS BUT NOBODY EVER LISTENS. THE DOCTORS TELL ME HAT I HAVE THE MIND OF A CHILD BECAUSE OF THE ABUSE BUT I AM 32 YEARS OLD. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO BECOME NORMAL! I WISH THAT I NEVER HAD TO GO THROUGH ANY OF THIS AND I BECOME VERY SUICIDLE AT TIMES. I FIGHT THOSE URGES WITH ALL I HAVE BECAUSE I HAVE 2 KIDS TO TAKE CARE OF. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? MY SISTER WAS ABUSED BUT SHE IS ABLE TO LIVE HER LIFE WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS AT ALL. IT HAS BEEN about 16 YEARS SINCE IT HAPPENED BUT I AM STILL HAVING NIGHTMARES FROM IT. I RARELY SLEEP AND I CANNOT HAVE ANY TYPE OF POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN. I HAVE CHOSEN TO BE SINGLE BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF BEING HURT. I HAVE VERY BAD ANXIETY ATTACKS WHEN I BECOME STRESSED OUT. I FEEL UN-LOVED AND UN-WANTED BY EVERYONE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS! WHY CAN'T I JUST PICK THE PEICES UP THAT ARE LEFT OF MY LIFE AND JUST MOVE ON LIKE MY SISTER DID? NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY I CANNOT DODGE THESE FEELINGS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I AM SO DEPRESSED WITH NOBODY TO TALK TO WHO UNDERSTANDS OR WHO HAS AN ANSWER FOR ME! I FEEL LIKE I AM JUST WAISTING SPACE IN THIS WORLD!

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 4/1/2009 4:48 AM (GMT -7)   

dear thowlegs.

hi, i am male and 37, and a survivor of sexual, physical, emotional abuse, aka, a sequale of child abuse. i can not remember anything below 15, my shrink tells me that my body, mind, and soul would not and could not cope with this. it is hard, i know! due to my conditions relationships were very late in adult life, 1 with another borderline, bloody mess, complicated and totally manipulative by her and parents. second relationship a while later i fell in love with my soul mate, sadly she passed away a few months later. 4 and a bit years later i am seeing a lovely lady.

i am aware that posting this was hard, you have started your own recovery by doing so. please see your doc also, depression is a medical issue. i can tell by your post that you are distressed, i hope you find the people you most need to talk to, i did with the rape crisis centr in my country, they are very discreet and very caring. other people in the community will make contact as in this community there is a wealth of knowledge and understanding. just wanted u to know that i understand.

kindest of regards, jamiee

iddm, major depression, severe borderline personality disorder, hormone deficeiny. diabetic nuropathy, back prob's - and plumbing, etc,etc.

 


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 4/1/2009 5:23 AM (GMT -7)   

hi thowlegs.

having faced my demons has helped. so has therapy 4 over 8 years. 27 psych admissions, etc. but iam much better 4 it. with help, and when your ready, you can hopefully get better. am sorry that you are depressed, we are here, and if i can be of help i am here also. u are not alone.

take care, and thanx for having the courage to post. jamiee

 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 4/1/2009 8:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tbowlegs,

You are on your way to healing, this is the first step. I would suggest some counseling with a good therapist. You have to deal with this to get better. At least the best that you can. I understand when you see others getting on with life who have been through the same, it is hard for you. They could have dealt with it or are just ignoring it. Either way this is you. You have to take care of yourself and start healing.

Get a counselor to listen to you and explore your past. It will work out in time. I am not saying that it will be easy. Nothing good ever is. But work at it and take it one day at a time.

Best wishes to you, remember that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/1/2009 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Tbowlegs,

I'm really glad you came here to post. We care very much about you and the things that you are dealing with. Please don't judge yourself by trying to compare your life or your state of mind to your sister's. We are all different in the way we react to things and heal from trauma. What you went through is terrible, but there IS help for you. I agree with the others about finding some counseling. I have found it enormously helpful in my own life. I went to see someone after an abusive marriage, and she was also able to help me deal with the forms of abuse I suffered as a child. It takes time, but it is so worth it. You deserve to heal and to be able to move forward with your life. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
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