This has been quite a journey for you, from believing that Richard is your biological father to finding out, and meeting, your real bio father, Bill. It sounds like you have made great strides with the situation as far as bonding so well with your sister and getting to know Bill a little better. You are right in saying that you didn’t cause this situation 41 years ago, and you have done nothing wrong by trying to get to know this part of your family. I think your courage is amazing, and I applaud you for embracing the truth in the way that you have.
I’ve been thinking about your mom’s reaction to all of this, and trying to put myself in her shoes. I can imagine that she must have been devastated at the time she was pregnant with you, for losing not one, but two important relationships in a short time. I would guess that being abandoned during pregnancy was incredibly painful for her, and she has probably held a great deal of that pain and resentment inside over the many years that have passed since then. It sounds to me like Bill hurt her very badly, and that she has never gotten over that hurt. Perhaps this has opened a very deep wound for her now, and I can’t help but wonder if she is feeling concerned that your feelings may be hurt at some point, too. She knows this man as someone who loves and leaves, and being a mother, she probably doesn’t want you to be in a position to be disappointed or hurt by anyone. Obviously, she is worried about your children and their happiness as well. I’m not saying that I think she is right or wrong in her feelings…..I’m just trying to imagine what it must feel like from her side of things.
Do you think she sees your sister as the catalyst for all of this, since you found out the truth by initially having a friendship with her? Or do you think she views her as an extension of Bill, and a symbol of all that he put her through?
I also agree with Kitt that maybe your mother is acting out of fear, from seeing you with this new family and worrying how it will affect your bond with her.
I completely understand why you are hurt and frustrated, Justagoodol’girl. You would like your mother to be able to let things rest in the past, and to not be mean towards your sister when she is an innocent party as much as you are in all of this. However, as much as I hate to say it, there is very little we can do to change other people’s thoughts and feelings, and as much as you don’t understand her views on this, I don’t think she understands yours, either……and you may have to accept that her feelings might not change - at least for some time.
In the meantime, let her know that you still love her and want a relationship with her. EmoKid posed a good question…..have you spoken to your stepdad about this, and if so, what is his take on the situation?
I hope I have not hurt or offended you by trying to take a look at your mom’s views on things. I only want to help you, and to offer my support to you. I pray that you and your mom will someday be able to understand each other better, and will continue to have a relationship without so much heartache and pain over your family circumstances. (((Hugs))) to you, Justagoodol’girl.