Depressed when working with a decriminated boss

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MoonLittle
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/6/2009 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I have been depressed at my work for over 2 years.  I know you are going to tell me why I did not change a job if I have been depressed for so long.  I do not know what to tell you.  I have quit my previous job for this one for the same reason: the boss is too bossy. the boss would not like me to communicate with anybody else but his.  Both the previous boss(female) and the current boss(male) were aries.  Very bossy and hot tempered.  They have one thing in common: suffocated control freak and hot tempered if you disobey.  I am not sure if I change for another job I will not get the same type of the boss who ruined not only 8 hours of your work like but also the rest of the hours of the daylife because you suffered from their sufforcation.  Everyone I have talked to have been telling I should refrain myself from getting angry because the economy is very bad and you do not want to be on your boss's pink slip list.   On the contrary to everybody's advice, I could not take it any longer, I sent email to my boss's boss who is very favourable to my boss and who think my boss is his world.  I told my boss's boss that he is aware that my boss is discriminating against me and he could do something but he never did.  He just tolerate my boss's behaviour.  Now I am waiting for my pink slip to come and all of sudden that I no longer feel agitate as I used to be because I no longer live in fear of being fired and because I know I am going to get fired sooner if not later.  I just did a careet suicidal in such a bad economic environment.
 
A miserable bird with broken wings
04/06/2009

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 4/6/2009 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Can you put applications for other jobs while tolerating this one, not all bosses are mean. It isn't fair to you to have to tolerate this every day. It can really bring you down. Give it a try and apply at other jobs, often they will hire you even if you are working. Then you can quit the job that you have now. Being that you have a job somewhere else. Now is the time to start looking.

I am sorry that you have to endure such awful circumstances.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


MoonLittle
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/6/2009 9:46 AM (GMT -7)   
I started looking already.  I have been having this stone in my heart for more than 2 years.  After I said what I have long wanted to say to my boss and my boss's boss, the stone was no longer there.  I am facing for my fate.  They already fired another lady becasue she was unhappy for too long and because she could not take it and she started to talk to another department about our deparment problem.  What makes me fear the most was that if I change the job and another boss might be the same.  You can not tell if a boss is good or bad until you work with them for a while.   I will leave a proven track in my resume that makes me look really bad.  It will look like that I am hopping from jobs to jobs.  I keep asking myself what went wrong with me when people do not respect me. 
 
One day I was so depressed that from the office back to home, my tears were just uncontrollablely running down my face. People in the subways were surprised at my saddness.  Lots of people who lost their jobs will tell me that I am lucky that I still have a job.  I am estimating I will get fired for what I said to my boss's boss within a month or two.  What makes me indigant is why it has to be the suffers to leave not the one who cause the misery.

enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 4/6/2009 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Heeja Moon,

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I am also a huge supporter of a more positive and reward driven approach, rather than the punishing and result based approach so many companies right now seem to use. But what Karen said, there are a lot of nice and gentle bosses as well.

Please bear in mind that happiness is really important, and that it would be to no ones benefit if you keep suffering like you do. You could quit your job, try to look for new ones, and maybe even have a chat with your boss. Remember he is human too, and sometimes boss like people can have a hard time showing their emotion. He might not be so bad afterwards. Also, you could try to visit a counselor or mental coach or someone like that if that is possible. Maybe you have friends who can give you some support, because you really deserve that right now.

Feel free to vent here as much as you want Moon, we will be here for you!

Take care, and all the very best!

Erik :-)
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18757
   Posted 4/7/2009 1:52 AM (GMT -7)   

hey moonlittle, welcome.

have been in your sit many times, i became sick of being a yes man and total conformist. i appluad your bravery, i am beleiver in karma. new opportunities will avail, time for a decent boss to come your way, this i hope. i have been, hit, verbally abused, and had liberties removed by several employers in the past. yet i went for a job, global firm, was interveiwed by boss, next day ceo, i told him that i will not accept any practices that have happened in the past. got the job. even asked what i would like as a salary, and got that too. yeah long time now, haven't been employed for 8 yrs now as i am on a disability pension in my country. am back at school, working on a new relationship, and my personell mental and physical health. all the best to you. jamiee. don't give up.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/7/2009 5:41 AM (GMT -7)   

MoonLittle

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  I am glad you felt comfortable posting here and I am sorry to hear you are having issues at work.

Do you see a therapist or a physician for your depression?

I see you have met some of our great members and received some caring support already.

Please keep talking to us and we are here for you.

Kitt


 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
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CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 4/7/2009 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi MoonLittle:

Many years back I was in a similar job situation as you.  I had a boss who was determined to make a quick and uprising career path.  He was part of our company's top training program and thought and acted like he "walked on water."  As part of this attitude, he did not want any members of his unit to get glory for anything.  If any rewards came down the pike he wanted to be there front and center to take the glory for solely himself.  Also, he was verbally abusive to me and I always felt like I was walking on egg shells.

He also knew that I had spoken to my former boss and his boss about the situation as I was close to them.  I had a proven track record and didn't want it ruined.  Things became even more hostile after I did that on the part of my boss, similar to you.  However, my experience did end positively because I always stayed one step ahead of him.  Here are a few thoughts I'd like to share:

1) You probably did put yourself right in the path for a pink slip.  However, you should try to protect yourself right now.  Make an appointment and talk to your human resource person.  Put your complaint into writing and document some examples of his behavior.  I had kept a diary of the abusive incidents and tracked each one by date, time and tried to log in word for word what he said to me.  Human resource people tend to take notice when you document.  And if other members of your unit did the same thing it would make it that much more difficult to protect him in the future.  (But don't let management know under any circumstances that you are promoting doing this.)

2) Even if human resources decides not to follow up or do anything to protect you from this, you will have a documented record for yourself and possibly for an attorney or when filing for unemployment benefits.  If the company was to try to deny you benefits, you would have some ammunition to fight with.

3) Is your company large enough that you can post out of your department and into another one?  If your boss had not yet given you an unfavorable review, now would be the time to do so.  Get out before he gets you out and you will not lose any vacation time or benefits that you have earned.

4) Keep networking with others in and out of your company.  Do not badmouth your boss to anyone else.  With so few jobs out there, you don't want to be labeled as a "complainer" - even if you know you are in the right.  Others may not want to hire you because of it.

.....Good luck and hang in there!  I know how difficult it must be for you.  But don't let an inappropriate boss get any further of an edge on you.  Don't give up and take a defeatist attitude.  This will ultimately hurt you in the end.

Cass

 


MoonLittle
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/7/2009 4:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Cass,
You have no idea how much better I felt after I read your notes.  I felt I am not alone. My previous coworkers all got fired after they filled complaint about the management.  Our company promotes equalities an justices in the work enviornment.  I wonder which company does not promote these slogans for its face values.  I could not file a complain against him through HR.
 
I did try to talk to the other department. I am befriended with a few managers.  They told me that they would love to have me but they would be in trouble if they have me.  I have a special skill sets that I have to stay at my department and stay under the lousy guy's leadership.  I am part of the team members that manage company servers.  Any other department are not authorized to access the eviornment that my group is in. Either stay in the group or leave the company.  I am a sitting duck.
 
Your advice #1 is very helpful, I already start collecting the evidences.  We are somewhat thinking alike.
 
Your advice #4 is extremely helpful.  Because I am planning to tell any new employers that my current boss is very bossy and I could not take it any more.  Looks like I can not do that.  Thanks for the advices.
 
It looks like I am swimming in a river with two different temperatures.  Within the department, I felt the water was icy cold. Outside my department, the water is warm and comfortable, everyone is so friendly and nice.  For several times the friendliness of the people in the other departments almost bring me to tears.  I blamed myself first.  There must be something wrong with me when my boss dislikes me so.  I did everything that I was told to do and did everything well for all the assignments. I still could not get rid of the hateful feelings passed on from him.  Every time when he talked down to me, I felt like he was talking to a maid.  I swolled my pride to avoid conflicts.  All of sudden since last week I no longer cared any more, I started to ignore all his bossy emails.  I am waiting for my fate to come down on me quietly. My boss's boss is on vacation now.  My due date will be the time when he comes back.
 
However I have never felt this much relieved. There is nothing I can do but wait for my bad luck.  I am telling myself: Do not ever feel sorry for myself.  I think I did a right thing by standing up for myself.  If everyone is like me in my department, he would not dare to behave like he behaves now.  Nobody has ever dared to confront him like I do.  He knows the bad economic situation even make people duck their heads lower, he took advantage of it.  I raised my head against upstreams.  No one can take my pride from me.  Even if it meant that I am going to lose my job.  Everyone is created equal.  We should enjoy equal opportunities and rights regardless our races or genders.
 
I thank everyone of you. My friends, you have been trying to help me out at the time of the crisis and you spent your valuable times to share your thoughts and experiences with me. 
I am trying to be a upright person and I do not like bullies.  I do not like people bully the others who are weaker than them.  By the way I am working for a well known law firm.  Can you believe it?

MoonLittle
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/8/2009 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Your guys are right.  I got fired today because I sent that complaine letter to my boss's boss.  Their excuses of firing me was that I could not work with anybody.  Today I stopped by to say goodbye to all the people that I worked with.  They were all shocked and they all said it is not true that nobody wants to work with me. 
 
I felt like I am working in a jungle.  I have no benefits.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/8/2009 4:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi MoonLittle,

I am so sorry you got fired. I have to believe that there is something better out there for you, and that it will come soon. You are right in what you said earlier.....no one can take your pride from you, and you have done this because you respect yourself too much to be mistreated. You should continue to hold your head up high, and know that you deserve a great job. I am sending my very best wishes and prayers to you.

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 4/8/2009 6:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Moon,
So sorry to hear you lost your job. Maybe before accepting your next job you can ask about the management style of your supervisor. I was getting passed over for jobs when I would say that my prior boss was overly demanding, controlling & yelled a lot (there's usually no way for a potential employer to verify that statement, so often they don't hire the employee b/c of the risk that the employee is just unreasonable or overly sensitive, not fair -- but that's how it often works), so my career counselor recommended that when I would go to interviews & the hiring manager would ask if I had any questions for them that I inquire as to the managing style of the principals as well as what kind of employee they could see doing well in the position. It really helped me eliminate the ones where I felt the boss would be especially harsh or critical & I truly enjoyed the last couple positions I've held much more than any previous ones. It's not a fail-safe, but it definitely did help.

Also, coming from having worked in the legal field myself, I would say that it seems to me like many more managers in the legal field vs. many other fields are very particular about how they want things done & when details are not attended to with perfect precision, attorneys tend to become quite upset. Not all of them will yell -- some will quietly fume, some will write harsh letters for your permanent file, some will slam a red-lined copy of the document on your desk with large letters urging you to pay attention to "DETAILS, DETAILS, DETAILS". I've seen all of those myself from the various attorneys I've supported. Honestly, they don't bother me b/c for me the biggest problem with bosses is when they never tell me anything & then I get to my annual review & they have a dozen problems listed that I don't even remember happening. Then I would spend the next 12 months worrying about what kind of secret lists the boss was compiling against me & it definitely affected my work. So, I've found that legal support work is really a very good match for me - I like the honesty, clear-cut black & white requirements, with immediate feedback, esp. if something is not completed to the boss' liking. But I have seen many other secretaries be "chewed up & spit out" by those same attorneys & my heart breaks for them every time. Even if the errors were chronic or especially egregious, I feel like people should be treated with some modicum of decency & kindness, but I really think that humanity may be beaten out of the attorneys during law school b/c I just don't see it - ever.

That's not to say that there aren't kind-hearted, soft-spoken attorneys out there -- I'm sure there are a few somewhere -- just that perhaps you might broaden your horizons to consider other types of industries. I think if you try that, as well as asking about management styles during the interviews that you will have many years of success ahead of you. You really seem like an intelligent, articulate individual and I imagine that a better opportunity will come along before long. :) Hang in there!

peace,
frances

PS -- The one advantage of working for a law office is that often the attorneys easily find clever ways to qualify termed employees for unemployment benefits, even when they feel the employee was termed for cause. Please do follow-up with them to be sure, but I would find it quite shocking to see a law office identify a former employee as ineligible for unemployment -- it almost never happens. Best of luck with the job search!

MoonLittle
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/8/2009 8:53 PM (GMT -7)   
In our lawfirm, we are categorized into two categories: lawyers and support staff. Since I am an IT, I am a support staff. We are not allowed to talk to lawyers. I got fired by my manager who made up the excuses. I knew I was going to get fired. I just did not expect to get fired right away without any benefits. The other employees got laid off with benefits and one month pay. I got fired on the spot with nothing. The management has been brooding to fire for quite sometime. They just could not find an execuse technically. They found fault with my persoanlities which was that I was the only one dare not to bend to the order. I have no regret to send that letter only if I sent it to firm partners instead of the wrong managers. Thing might be a little different. I worked in a place that hold discrimination against womem IT. They just do not believe that we can do just as good jobs as guys sometimes better because we attend to details. It is the male ego that got hurt.

Thank you all for your thoughts and encouragement. I have to look for a new jobs right away. My property tax is due next month.

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 4/8/2009 9:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Moon,
Be sure to look into whether you might qualify for the government subsidy for COBRA. If you do, and I think most people qualify, the government will cover 65% of the cost of your insurance. Hopefully that will help a little. The way it works is that your former employer would kick in the 65% & then they would get reimbursed by the gov't, so you don't ever need to come up with that money.
I will keep my fingers crossed that at least you will be afforded that small mercy.

peace,
frances

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 4/9/2009 7:54 AM (GMT -7)   

Moon:  I am sorry to hear that you were fired from your job.  Keep your head high moving forward.  You did the best you could in the environment that you had.  Hopefully, you will be able to find something soon to replace it but in a much healthier atmosphere.

Keep posting here to let us know how you are doing in your new search.  We are here for you whenever you need to share, get help, yell and hopefully to share in good times to come.

Cass

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