Im falling apart

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
43 posts in this thread.
Viewing Page :
 1  2 
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

superdepressed
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 4/6/2009 9:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok first off im really new to this so i dont really know where to start but here is the jist of my most recent depression....

ive been crying for almost 3 hours now and i dont see a stop to it anytime soon.....i feel absolutely miserable right now....My mom just spent this past weekend in the hospital because she is basically dieing....My ex girl friend just kinda came back into my life but the problem is she is dating this guy who seems like a really nice guy and everything but like seriously im in love with this girl like completely in love have been forever...and like when we were dating i told her i loved her and now to not be able to tell her anymore and not be able to hug her and kiss her its just really hard for me...i keep falling deeper and deeper into depression and i dont feel like im going to get any better for a long time and i mean a long time i mean for **** sake ive been trying to move on and get past this for almost 5 months now....and i just cant and like there is nothing i can do to get her back and it hurts so much too see her with another person....i just cant take all of this anymore i just want everything to go away...i just need someone to hold me and tell me they love me and make me feel better but the last person i had that could do that is gone forever in someone elses arms.......i hate everything right i just want to stop crying....

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18757
   Posted 4/7/2009 12:59 AM (GMT -7)   
hey superdepressed, your tears are healthy, i cried for 6months straight. i am sorry about your mum. i send her luv and compassion, and i send the same to u also. a lot is going on for you at the moment, i do not know what 2 say about your girl, yeah you are young, and i am sure people may give u the plenty of fish in the sea stuff, but i'm not. loosing a love is hard, tis the pits, yeah it happens, and i know, and here i am practicing what i preach in a recent post to the community. see ya doc my friend, keep posting, the community here is wonderful. jamiee.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/7/2009 6:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Superdepressed,

Welcome to HW. I'm very sorry to know about your mother's condition. It's really hard to see your parent seriously ill, and even harder if you've been given little or no hope for their recovery. I hope that the hospital staff are keeping her comfortable, and that you are able to see her and spend time with her.

I'm also sorry for the pain you are going through with respect to your ex-girlfriend. I'm not sure why the two of you broke up in the first place, but I do understand how it feels to love someone who doesn't feel the same way. You say that she is 'kinda' back in your life....do you mean as a friend? Would her friendship to you be a good source of support, or do you think it would be too hard for you to have her as just a friend?

I think Jamiee is right about talking to your doctor, SD. Sometimes when we are depressed, it's helpful to have the aid of medication and/or counseling to pull us through it, and your doctor could give you a hand with that. You are going through a lot right now, and you deserve support and a helping hand.

Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 4/7/2009 7:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi SD,

I would like to welcome you to the forum. I am glad that you have posted here. I think that you have gotten some very good advice, especially about getting counseling. You could use some support right now and counseling gives you that.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. This must be devistating for you right now. But remember to take it one day at a time and hopefully things will fall into place for you.

Keep us posted on how things are going, we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/7/2009 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey superdepressed,
 
Welcome to HW.  I have been in the same place as you many times, crying for hours for different reasons. The tears are cleansing as long as you can get past them and move on.
 
I am so sorry about your Mom.  I have a sister that is dying of cancer and a brother that died last week so I can empathize with you.
Again welcome
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


superdepressed
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 4/7/2009 12:04 PM (GMT -7)   
hey guys i really appreciate anyone taking the time to talk to me it really really helps. I have been trying to get help with counseling or to be able to see a doctor but since recently being fired and loosing my medical insurance i dont have the ability to do either of those...i actually came to the board thinking it was the best i could do at the moment. To Raniah i thought her coming back into my life as a friend was really going to make me feel better and kinda fill that gap in my heart that i had been missing...but seeing as to the fact that she has a boyfriend now ive seemed to become even more depressed. considering i still feel that im madly in love with this girl and wish i could rekindle what was lost...idk i wish there was some way i could move on but ive been trying for so long and i always stumble across the same memories when i close my eyes..its hard... and to be completely honest i dont even know what to think about my mom being in the hospital i kinda feel like the world is coming to an end you know?

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/7/2009 12:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi again, Super,

I understand what you mean about your ex, and how the sadness you feel about your situation with her is making things so hard for you. I wonder if there are any community resources for mental health in your area, where you could call and talk to someone? Also, when you're at the hospital with your mom, perhaps you could ask one of the medical staff there if they know of anything like that. I know it must seem very bleak to you right now with all that you are dealing with, but please don't give up hope, Super. It's good that you came here to talk to us, too, and I know that the members here will support you in whatever way they can. I would like to hear more about it, if you feel like talking about it.

superdepressed
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 4/7/2009 12:32 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah sure im about to go back to school for the first time in like a year, in half an hour though....i dont really know where to start to even continue though, my above comment was really just what was bugging me over the past couple of months ive been depressed for so much longer then that though.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/7/2009 12:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, I think it's good that you are going back to school.....that's a positive thing, and I think you should be proud of yourself for making that effort with all that's going on in your life. I have had to deal with depression for a long time, too, and I know that it can be a struggle. Just know we are here to listen. I hope today goes well for you as you start back at school. Please keep us posted as you feel up to it. Good luck today.

superdepressed
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 4/7/2009 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
ok thank you again i appreciate taking time out of your day to comfort me

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/7/2009 12:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Anytime! :-)

thend
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 4/7/2009 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey super,
I've been there to with the girlfriend thing....i've been on and off with mine for almost 2 years..... and its hard.... just remember if its ment to be then it will happen....i've gone through some major major incidents with mine and ill be more than happy to share them with u if u wish......but try to hold your head up high be there for her as a friend but dont let her forget that you care....... thats all i can say....just try to be as big apart of her life as u can and just hang in there.....

blueboy83
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/7/2009 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry for your whole situation. I can't say I know what you've been through, but I'll keep you in my prayers. start by getting some counseling and seeing a doctor. get some sunshine, and post on here. it's always easier said than done, but we (depressed people) got to dig down deep and claw our way back up. I know you will win.

superdepressed
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 4/7/2009 3:23 PM (GMT -7)   
well i just finished my english class and well go figure i found a way to depress myself half way into my quiz it started asking question on grammar but i was supposed to be correcting question about a girlfriend trying to cheer up her boyfriend and i instantly started thinking about my ex girlfriend....go figure right? and then like earlier today she called me and told me she was going to the zoo with her boyfriend and like that was one of my favorite things to do with her and i started crying in the middle of school and everyone that walked by me kinda just looked at me like i was weird and kept walking....idk things keep happening that dont seem to be helping my situation dose anyone know how to make memories go away without taking mass amount of alcohol or drugs? like every time i close my eyes i can see here face and every time i try and block things out with loud music i hear her voice this is horrible.....i just want to make it stop i feel completely pathetic lately... like i feel like im wasting peoples time there is alot more people out there with way worse problems then i have

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/7/2009 3:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Super,

That's really bad luck about the grammar question on your quiz.  I'm sorry it happened.  sad

For the record, I don't think you're wasting anyone's time, and I don't think any of us should make comparisons about whose problem is more important, because....after all.....when we are suffering from depression, it's always important to find a way to feel better and heal ourselves.

I hope you will give some thought to the idea of finding a community resource for counseling, or perhaps a referral from the hospital where your mother is right now.  Or maybe there is something available through your school.  I don't mean to belabour the point....but I do care about the fact that you are dealing with so much stress, and want you to have the best help possible.

Please don't turn to substance abuse to escape your pain, Super.  I can tell you from past experience that it only makes everything much more difficult.  You deserve to have real healing and support.

 

 

 


thend
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 4/7/2009 3:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Find a hobby. something to take your mind off things. its hard i've been there several times with my gf not exactly the same but close to it...turn to all of us here at HW we will help you....i've been here not that long and its helping slowly.....i feel a little better since i started talking here on HW but like Raniah said dont turn to substance abuse it does make things worse

superdepressed
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 4/7/2009 3:49 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you again Raniah ive been searching for local free groups and stuff and like the only ones i can find are christian youth groups and stuff like that and ive tried that kinda of thing before too and seeing as i tried the whole faith in god or some higher power thing before and all it did was give me false hope and a huge crash back down to depression again....i dont think that would be the best idea for me this time...i truly feel i just need extreme professional help or someone to fall in love with me and be able to comfort me...like ok lemme try and kinda explain how my brain works on a small lvl....I grew up as an only child for 7 years my parents never got married there was always fighting and really never any love to give... my father was always verbally and physically abusive to me and still is to this day...(i havnt seen or talk to him in 2 years and we only live 30 miles from each other) my mom had another child when i was seven with my step father that turned my whole world even more upside down because any bit of love i was getting even if it was a little bit instantly went away from me and into my little brother....now dont get me wrong i love my little brother and he deserved all the love he got but it hurt to lose everything at once....you know? anyways since 4th grade ive been picked and bullied on school i didnt get my first girlfriend till i was 17 and that only lasted for 2 months ive had a total of 4 relationships and all but one of those relationships has ended due to them cheating on me....this ex-girlfriend i refer to being the only one that never cheated on me...i also lost my virginity to her.... ever since i could have a gf my mind has clung to the fact that i could get love from someone else....and now that i no longer have a gf i feel like any love in my life has once again disappeared ....like if i dont have someone that can tell me they love me on a daily bases and someone that i can tell this same thing back to and hold and hug and kiss and show affection to i feel miserable....i only truly feel alive when i am with someone and i dont know why this is and i wish i could find happiness in something else but for some reason i just cant....

blah anyways yeah....idk

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/7/2009 4:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Super,

I do understand how it is to grow up with abuse, and to wonder if you are loveable, and wonder why you are not getting enough love from a parent. It does make it hard, as we grow up, because (in my own experience, anyhow) we feel like we are always searching for that love. Sometimes we end up in relationships where people mistreat us, and we relive those feelings from childhood. The thing is, all of us are worthy of love, and we can't look to other people's mistreatment of us to define whether or not we are worthy. You, my friend, are completely worthy. I think there is a part of you that knows that, and knows that you deserve a good life. You have gone back to school after being away from it, and that is a great step. That takes strength, and knowing that you are worth pursuing something meaningful.

I know it's really hard to accept that your ex-girlfriend is with someone else, but sometimes we have to accept that a certain person is not for us at a certain time. I do understand your pain....I really, really do. I just don't want you to continue to suffer so much, when the actions and feelings of your ex-girlfriend are out of your control. I think Thend had a good point....is there anything....anything at all....that you enjoy doing, that could take your mind off things for even a short time? I use that kind of idea to help myself when I am feeling really low. I try to find something that will change my focus and give me some relief, even if it's just a small break from what is on my mind. Is there anything you can think of along those lines?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 4/7/2009 7:45 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Super,

Here are a couple of sites that are absolutely free for you to check out.

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

I hope that this helps you some.

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


superdepressed
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 4/7/2009 8:21 PM (GMT -7)   
thanking everyone again!! referring to the hobby thing or like something that i enjoy i used to really enjoy bmx'ing but like idk what happened i started getting depressed and then stopped biking and now like i dont enjoy it like i used too....and to be completely honest i truly dont have anything that i can think of that makes me happy anymore....i know it sounds dumb but like being in a relationship is the only thing i can think of that ever made me feel truly at peace....and i know for a fact that i am a really needy person when it comes to compassion and love

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/7/2009 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi again, Super,

I have found, in my own trials with depression, that sometimes I have to get involved with an activity (even when I don't feel like it) before I start to get interested again and feel enjoyment out of it. In other words, sometimes the 'doing' part has to come before the 'feeling like it' part. You might find, if you can make the effort, that once you get involved with something.....whether it be the bmx'ing or something else....you will start to develop an interest in it again. I know how much you want to be in a relationship right now, but see if you can get into something in the meantime, even for a small part of the day, that will take your mind off your troubles. You might find that once you start feeling better and enjoying something on your own, that someone will cross your path when you least expect it. People seem to be attracted to others when they appear to have some interests of their own and different things going on in their life. Give it a shot, and think of something you could try in the next couple of days. I hope that the links Karen posted for you will be helpful.

superdepressed
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 4/7/2009 8:41 PM (GMT -7)   
O ok that sounds like a good idea ill try my best to get involved in something! i hate to say it though but most of that stuff costs money and requires me to get my vehicle working again and me to be able to pay for my cell phone again...ive noticed alot that if you dont have a mode of transportation and a cell phone people dont seem to want to be friends with you....i feel like im making excuses and i probably am and i dont want to make anyone frustrated with me and im sorry if thats the case with anyone when i respond to your posts

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/7/2009 8:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey, Super....don't worry about me, I'm a patient person. :-) I do believe, if you take some time to think about it, you'll come up with something you can do that will be enjoyable and not cost a lot of money. Take a look in the newspaper, or at the library, or even on bulletin boards in public buildings, supermarkets, etc. for ideas and advertisements about things going on where you live. Check out the internet for discussion groups on things that you might like to do. I know you are back in school now, but are you interested in maybe getting a part-time job on some evenings or the weekends? Just a few thoughts for you to consider. And speaking of school.....maybe there is something there, as far as groups or extracurriculars, that might be of interest to you. Take some time and think about it.....I know you can do this!

superdepressed
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 4/7/2009 9:06 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah that sounds like a good idea i dont know why any of those ideas never came into my head...o and the job thing lol i would love to have one as a matter a fact i have applied for close to 60 or 70 jobs since i lost mine but no one will hire me....of course me being the depressing person i am the not having anyone respond to my applications thing made me depressed as well cause it made me feel even less wanted....i do also try and follow up applications but do to the fact that almost all application are online now days its kinda difficult to follow through with things...

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/7/2009 9:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I know it's tough times out there in the job world right now.  Maybe I shouldn't have brought that issue up!  I completely understand why that would be depressing.  (I'm just going to leave that one on the back burner for now!) Getting back to the hobby issue, I hope very much that you will find something that interests you.  I really feel confident in you, Super.  Let me know how it goes.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
43 posts in this thread.
Viewing Page :
 1  2 
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, December 07, 2016 3:30 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,294 posts in 301,200 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151323 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, judy.
368 Guest(s), 14 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
cupcakespinkgal, TOOTY, Albannach, dismissed, jennydancingfish, porkysgal, Girlie, pmm73, Suffering34, Jingles1234, Cowboy10, lavendar, Broncofan18, julymorning


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer