Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.
I think you know what is wrong with you as you posted under the depression forum. I am so sorry you are at such a low point but there is always help. Trust me on this as I have seen people reach out for help and make it through over and over again. I feel you are turning to all the wrong things to try to get through your depression when what you really need is a good Psychiatrist and therapy and perhaps medication to pull you out of this depression.
Also, please remember "neglecting or just getting angry at my child" is abuse, and you must stop this before your child is injured. I find this very alarming. Please call for help.
I am going to post some phone numbers here for you so please do call and talk with someone .
U.S. HelplinesThe US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433 NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632 Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433 Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696 Child Abuse Hotline | Support & Information 800-792-5200 Crisis Help Line | For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357 Parental Stress Hotline | Help for Parents 800-632-8188 Suicide & Depression Hotline | Covenant House 800-999-9999 ------Online Hotline Resources--------SuicideHotlines.comBefrienders International :: The SamaritansU.K. HelplinesThe Samaritans 0845 790 9090