Feeling Lonely

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enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 4/11/2009 10:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Heeja,

Today is one of my not-so-good days in the crazy roller-coaster my life seems to be lately. I want the world to be a perfect place, and nature is perfect, but the human race drives me insane. Like today, there was this little girl who was cycling around, and suddenly her mother shows up. In what I believe was genuine happiness that little girl jumps of her bike to see her mom. That was a wonderful things to see, but as soon as she is with her mom, her mom starts yelling at her like "where is your bike, go get it, never leave it out there!!". Why do people do that? Or I am wrong thinking that a smile on someones face is more important than a bike (which lay in plain sight of the two, so it couldn't even be stolen).

Anyway, that is just an example. I don't understand why people do the things they do, while they obviously degrading someones happiness for no sake at all. Or maybe I do understand, I don't know. The truth is, I don't know anything, and even of that I am not sure. Like, how can you know something is the truth? Aren't there always factors that might exist that you just don't know (yet). How can you know when something is definitive? How can you think your thoughts are right, and others wrong, when you can never know what others think. They might know stuff you don't. Or am I wrong with this one? And who is there to tell me that?

To cut the crap, there are dozens of people I know which I can go to, which I can ask for a night out, for a beer, for a game of soccer. But there is no one out there who I have the feeling of that he or she understands me. To put things in perspective, though I don't like saying this, I have this psychiatrist as counselor. She thinks I am "super-gifted" in my thinking, in like that there are not many people around that can follow it. Like very few. She might be right, though I don't know. Truth is, I think too much, because my happiness suffers under that constant stream of thoughts. And there is no one who tells me that is OK. When I tell people how I feel, and how they could be of any help, they take it well. But no one seems to understand how they can help me, though I point it out clearly. Or they don't want to help, but that is a though which I try not to have too much.

There is so much I want to talk about, and when I do everyone nods and says I am right, and one minute after that they do exactly the opposite. Like judging someone, whether on his or her looks, or his or her behaviour. I would love to know someone which does understand most of what I say, but my hope is fading that those are around. And if so, they would probably be a bit like me, and it would be very hard to meet, cause I don't go out that often.

Though on a more positive note, I try to do the things that I feel are right in like that they improve happiness. At work, I send letters to customers, and sometimes when I hear one is sick, I send a letter to wish him or her good luck. Things like that. I hope my bosses never find out, cause I am not allowed to do stuff like that. And also, I started to do some gardening, and saving the fishes in our pond. Things like that help. It is not all bad, but sometimes I lack the strength to encourage myself. It is hard to always be the one to tell you that it is OK.

Thanks for listening, I love you all.

Erik
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 4/11/2009 10:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Lol, speaking of the devil, just got a message like the ones that help me :-). Guess the Universe or Karma has something in store for me.
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40571
   Posted 4/11/2009 11:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Erik,

It is as simple as that, Karma. How ironic that you would get that message when you needed it the most. I guess that means we have to have faith that people aren't as bad as they appear. I think I know what I mean. People are only human and we have to accept that. Nobody is perfect. Though our world might seem perfect it really isn't. There is always something that doesn't meet the eye at times. But though we live in an imperfect world, there is so much to be happy about. The little simple things, as your garden or feeding your fish in the pond. Look to the simple things for pleasure.

You don't know about the mother yelling at her little kid. Maybe she doesn't always take care of her bike. Maybe somebody might have ran over it before. We don't know. Though it is sad that she yelled at the little one. Maybe she was having a bad day. But I can see where it would bother you. I see that in the stores a lot. Parents yelling at their kids. Some deserve it, and some don't. But it is obvious that people are only human and make mistakes.

I too think that you are pondering a lot. I take medications to help me with that. I was always a deep thinker, that isn't always good. We tend to get caught up in all of that and forget to be aware of our surroundings. Meditation helps a lot with that. Or just to listen to some music, and really listen, to the words, to the sounds. The beat or the guitar. Anything to take our minds off of over thinking.

This is just a small bump in the road Erik, you will get passed this and back to your wonderful self soon. Just keep at it. Never give up on yourself or mankind. But keep in mind, that none of us are perfect. That is what life is all about, learning from our mistakes. You will be feeling better soon. And not so lonely. I am glad that a friend emailed you so that you can feel better. Keep trying. You are a wonderful and intelligent person. You are kind and compassionate. I wish that there were more people in the world like you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 4/11/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your kind words Karen. No one is perfect, everyone is perfect. When you are able to except that what gives you negative emotions, everything is perfect. Something worth putting energy in, I believe.

And I have heard of medication, but I don't think that is for me. I have sleeping pills now to stop the thoughts when I am going to bed, but I don't like that. Because when you are aware of your surroundings, and your beliefs, you can act accordingly, which is (I hope) for the greatest benefit of all. Maybe I am wrong, but with this I do have a strong preference.

Spread the love :-) (Lol, gonna be a hippy I guess :-) ).

Erik
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/11/2009 11:48 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Erik,

My therapist told me a while ago that in her 30+ years of practice, it has always seemed to be the most creative and intelligent people that tended to struggle the most with depression.  She decided that being smart and sensitive also makes you see things that others don't see, or see things in a way that others don't see.  I thought of her comment when I read your post, as I view you as a very smart and very sensitive person!  Please don't change the way you are.  As Karen said, I wish there were more people in the world like you.  Trust me....as you move forward in life, you WILL meet people who understand you and relate to you, and it will be a wonderful experience.  Keep the faith, Erik.  We so appreciate you here.


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 4/11/2009 8:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Erik,  I'm sorry you are feeling down, but it is good that you got that helpful message.  I think because you are sensitive you take things much harder.  You are so intellingent and I know that causes you to think a lot but maybe sometimes things are just the way they are. I do not think the world or nature is perfect.  If it were why would we have tornados and tsunamis and hurricanes, earthquakes.  These are all things we have to learn to accept and help where we can. I am sure the Mother chastising her little girl was upsetting and nobody likes to see such things.  Maybe she was just being over protective.  Try to take each day as it comes and don't think too far in advance.  As my therapist always tells me "don't borrow trouble."  I am slowly learning not to think too far in advance and I have really learned to give up the past.  Hope your days will improve.  Gardening is excellent therapy.

Many hugs,

Aurora


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/11/2009 9:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Erik,

Just stopping in very late today but wanted to add my support to all of the great support you have received.

I am always here for you even thow I am a bit distracted these days but my heart is here with you in the Depression Forum.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 4/12/2009 7:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Raniah, Aurora, Kitt, thank you for the support!

I am not gonna bother you with the whole philosophy behind my views of the world, partially because that is one of the most personal things. But thanks for the kind words, they are helping me a lot :-).

Anyway, Karma seems to be working, so much it is starting to help me. I try to do my best to help others (humans, animals, and plants alike) when I am capable, and the more I invest in them, the more I get back when I could use it. Never thought that something so vague and hard to prove can be so obvious.

Anyway, take care everyone, and have a wonderful day!

Erik
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/12/2009 7:09 AM (GMT -7)   
You too, Erik. I agree with you on the karma issue, and I'm so glad you are reaping benefits from it. Best wishes.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/12/2009 3:50 PM (GMT -7)   

Erik,

Glad your have good karma...................and I am thinking of you.  Take care my friend and know we are here for you.

Hugs at you,

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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