It`s just getting so hard now

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 4/12/2009 6:21 PM (GMT -6)   
cry  I have not been in for a while mainly because i just do not know what to say .
There are so many thoughts going through my head it`s getting so hard to concentrate on any one thing .
I went away and saw the oncologist and the surgeon who was going to operate .They decided that it couldn`t be put off any longer  .This was friday and so the surgery was set for wednesday .so hubby decided it would be easier for us just to stay where we were as it was a 900 km drive back home .STRESS all the time we were there not only being away from my home but then the thought of the surgery being so close .Tuesday evening i had to ring about pre op instructions only to be told i was not on the list .
The hospital contact the drs and a couple of hours later i was told it had been cancelled .I was so upset and not only that just how hubby had treated me the whole time we were down there .So the following day we drive home and i`m not even thinking of going back at this stage  i just do not want to go through it again .
Saturday was our wedding anniversry and of course i should of know he would not remember but atleast i made a nice dinner for him with all his favourites .
I really have been thinking so much about a lot of things in the past week or so as to where i really want to be and i just don`t think i want to be here anymore .But not sure where i really want to be or what i want to do .
Due to the pain from the cancer and the reaction i have been having to goodness knows what i cant do anything around the house .I`m even at the stage now where i don`t even care about the house anymore .
I have been seeing a psychologist and eventhough we take a lot i just don`t feel i am getting anywhere .but i`m still going to see her even if it is only every three weeks ,i really need someone to talk to .
All the dr wants to do is put me on medication and i do not want that nor can i afford it .What he has given me so far has not worked i have lost a lot of confidence in him and there is very little choice of any other one .

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40403
   Posted 4/12/2009 7:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Snowflake,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. This has to be so hard for you. I mean just the stress alone and then them cancelling the surgery. But try to relax, I know easier said than done, but know that we are all thinking of you and praying for you.

I hope that you hear something soon, and I hope that you do go through with the surgery as you need it. Try not to let this get you down. I am sure that there must have been a good reason for them to cancel. Did they tell you anything about why?

Know that I am praying for you Snowflake and am so glad that you posted and let us know what is going on.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/12/2009 11:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Snowflake,

I, too, am very sorry for your situation and the sadness and frustration you must be feeling. I hope so much that you will be able to find a source of comfort while you are dealing with this.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18564
   Posted 4/13/2009 7:38 AM (GMT -6)   
jamie sending loving healings and kindness to you snowflake. take care of you. jamie

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/13/2009 8:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Snowflake,

I am sorry you are feeling so down but I do know how you feel as I watch my sister fighting her battle with the terrible "C".  Her cancer has come raging back already and she was just 6 weeks post op. 

I know your hubby can be insensitive and I am sorry he forgot your anniversary.  I do not give my hubby a chance to forget as I remind him so that way I will not feel bad.  He is forgetful but he does not mean to be and is not doing it on purpose to be spiteful.  I hope yours is just forgetful too.

Happy Anniversary to you...............staying married is a wonderful achievement as both people have to  give and take through out the relationship.  We will be celebrating our 38th anniversary in June and I am sure it will be a  DVD and a pizza at home.  :)

I wish you peace as always and lots of prayers,



Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Co-Moderator Depression

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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