Life is getting in lifes way

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/12/2009 8:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi i am new here and im trying to find me again. I am 31yrs old and the father of twin 2yr old girls. I am currently on the third month of separation from my wife. I have always had a tough time coping/letting go in any of my ended relationships but this time its different, its worse. To make a long story short my wife and i have been together for 5 years, married 2. My wife and i have had some problems i guess like alot of couples do. My wife talked to her friend for support with our problems. We had two other separations that lasted a month or so. I left the house and stayed with my parents and get to keep the kids for 3-4 days a week every week. I always thought that there was something going on between the friend and her but she always said no. This time i left again with my clothes and a few other items. A few days after i moved out he moved in. A month and a half into my 3 months she called out of the blue (we only talk about the kids, thats all she wants to talk more) she said she had made a mistake and wanted to work things out. She kicked him out, asked if i would come home and asked if it was okay with me to put her rings back on. YES YES YES. I was there for 3 days and she told me that she loves me but not the way she should and said she was confused and wanted to be on her own. She said she has feelings for him and i should move on with my life. So i moved out again. He got an apartment but i know they spend every free second together. She has called for one of those thru the mail divorces and has the papers. She said she has not sent them in yet but im not sure.
Did i mention we all work together. My wife, the friend and myself.
I left OUR home with my clothes. She calls it her house and says i dont have the right to be there.
I am having a very hard time. Going out with the guys dont work. The day might start off good but in the end shes on my mind. I loss intertest in what ever i was doing or whoever i was talking to and think about her. I get sad. Very sad. I havent made it one day yet without crying. I have no interest in anything i used to do. I have had bad thoghts about myself. I feel so useless and have a hard time looking in the mirror. I dream about her. My mind is always racing with what ifs and what can i do so she would take me back. I cant stop thinking about her and its effecting me in a bad way. I have to look at my kids faces when they have to go back and forth. I have to look in there faces when i have to leave them. I DONT like what i see in there faces. I breaks my heart. It makes things that much harder. I cant stand what they have to go thru. I feel so low and i dont know what to do. I know i havent said it but i love my wife very much. I would forgive her for anything just to be with her. I dont want to move on. I want to be with her. I so heart broken. I am to the point now where i think i might need medication to help me cope. To help clear my mind. What should i do? Please help me.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/12/2009 10:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Cormyee,

I am so sorry to read about your situation and all that you're going through. Not only are you grieving through this separation from your wife, but you are (understandably) worried about your have to work with your wife and this other man. I can only imagine how devastating this is for you, and my heart really goes out to you.

I would encourage you to talk to your doctor about the possibility of medication, and whether or not he/she thinks it would be warranted. Perhaps you should also ask about some counseling for yourself, to help you to deal with this very stressful situation. The idea of divorce, whether it happens or not, is incredibly difficult to handle, and having children in the mix brings an even greater emotional impact. It is also important that you are able to continue to work, and you may need some support in dealing with that, as well.

Whatever your wife decides to do, it is in her hands at the moment. You may not be able to control what she does, but you CAN control what you do for yourself, to help yourself and your children to cope. I hope you will consider talking to someone about this....your doctor or a therapist, perhaps..... because you deserve all the support you can get, and you need to take good care of yourself to stay strong and well.

Please know that we're here for you, and will do whatever we can to support you.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18572
   Posted 4/13/2009 7:59 AM (GMT -6)   
hi cormyee. your doc or community health centr may well be the first ports of call. depression is a medical condition, therefore i would do the doc first. hang in there, we care, healings, jamie. keep posting.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 4/13/2009 9:00 PM (GMT -6)   

Cormyee,  I am sorry you are having such a difficult time.  I assume you bought the house together with your wife.  Is you name and signature on the mortgage and deed?  If so, that is also your house and she has no right to tell you to move out.  You can move right back in if you want.  If you are getting divorced, moving out may look as though you are deserting your wife which you are not.  You do not have to share a room with her.  But there are certain rights that you have. If you can't afford a lawyer you can try to find someone from legal aid or sometimes law students are available to help.  You need to know what your rights are.  I don't know where you live but in my state (IL) you can't force a spouse out of the house.  If she wants to leave she is welcome to.  Please try to find out what your obligations are in terms of the marriage and don't let her get away with any of this.  She is after all the one who had another man move in. I wish you the best and hope things work out for you.


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