Advice on Divorce Depression

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movingon
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/14/2009 9:47 AM (GMT -7)   
I happened to come across this site in searching for depression. I was hoping people could offer kind advice. I had recently filed for divorce (no kids) after realizing nothing was changing and wouldn't and I wanted to move back home with my family (different state). My husband knew it was coming and was sad and dealt with it and moved through the stages to move past it and seems to be fine and happy enough and accepted it. I was fine until we had conversations and he took his ring off to help him get past it. Now I, the one who decided to leave wanted to change my mind and stay realizing what I was losing and things I wanted to change for the first time and that I love him more than I ever let him see. It was my wake up call but is too late. He said no going back, only can be friends, once I filed that was it. I absolutely don't blame him, he has to do what is best for him. I just was wrecked by that and for the last few days have been crying, depressed, unable to eat, nauseated, cold/hot sweats, very tired etc. How does one get past all this? Yes I talk to my friends and family, from afar, until I am able to move. I just want to stop crying and be normal again. I know we ultimately wouldn't work and I am just reacting to his seeming positive and him rejecting me. I just would like to know how anyone who has gone through this has moved on?

Cherry Sunday
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/14/2009 10:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello. First of all i would like to say is sorry for divorce. i was never married but i can relate. sometimes we dont realize what we have till its gone. but as the saying goes if u let go of someone and they come back its yours. right now he might be tryin to hold his feelings in . does he know how you have been coping the last few days? if not tell him take time out where u2 can meet. time will tell tho honey. friends n family are great support . in the long run he will miss u and most likely come back . try but dont over due it too much . i hope everything works out for you . best of luck . n keep postin :)

movingon
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/14/2009 10:34 AM (GMT -7)   
From my original post and a reply: Yes he does know how I feel, I have told him twice but he still says we can just be friends now. He says never know what might happen but the divorce must happen and all the bad stuff with it. He says he still loves me but has to put his feelings aside, he doesn't believe me when I say I change my mind, he doesn't want to get hurt again. His mom tells me she would feel the same as him and not want to go back. My family says abscense makes the heart grow fonder. I feel like knowing him, my absence will make him come to terms and be fine without me.  I felt I had no choice because I live in a state much further away and he said he would never live there. I felt I gave up everything to be with him and tried and now why can't he do the same if his love was really that deep as he always claimed.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 4/14/2009 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Movingon,

Your name kind of puts the meaning to it. I guess that is what you need to work on though it takes time. I am sorry that you are in this situation. And I hope that things work out for the best. Be patient with him. This probably brought a lot of feelings up for him. Most of all the shock from you wanting a divorce. So give him time and see what happens.

Are you working? You need to put your mind to things and stay busy right now so that you don't dwell on this. I hope that you have fun things to do too.

Keep posting as we are here for you. I am sorry for the situation that you are going through, but as I said, be patient, you never know what is going to come up.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/14/2009 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Movingon,

I recently went through a difficult divorce, so I can relate to some of what you are saying. No matter how awful a marriage is, sometimes we see things differently when we are grieving, and our judgment is clouded by our emotions and all the 'what ifs'......especially if the other person seems to have moved past the breakup. The important thing for you to remember is this: you left because you realized that nothing was changing in your marriage and that nothing would.....you said so in your post, and I know that you know this to be true. Grief does strange things to our thought processes and our emotions, and it's natural, I think, to second guess our choices and wonder what would happen if we could go back. You made this choice for a very good reason, and you need to remind yourself of that. In my own case, I spent time writing down all the reasons why I left, and purposely wrote down memories and examples of those reasons, to help me to stay strong in my convictions. I was firm in my belief that I did the right thing, and anytime that grief took over, I took out my journal, and looked at what I had written, and gave myself an important reality check on what REALLY happened during the marriage. You might find this helpful, too.

I also went to see a therapist when I left my husband, which I found to be very beneficial, particularly since she was able to ask me those 'reality check' questions and give me an objective assessment of the situation and the feelings I was having. Perhaps this is something you would consider doing as well.

Please come back and post to us again as you feel able to. We're here to support you, and to listen to what you're going through.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 4/15/2009 7:50 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that Raniah has a really good point on writing down the reasons that you wanted the divorce. So I want to support that piece of advice. You can then remind yourself of the reason that you wanted the divorce in the first place.

Counseling too is a very good idea. You need support at a time like this. It will help to keep you strong and help you to move on with your life.

I hope that you are having a good day, and remember that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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