I'm new here and need someone to help me

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sadpanda
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/17/2009 4:18 AM (GMT -7)   
I believe I may be depressed. I seem to always cry. I have a loving boyfriend and I think my sadness is pushing him away. I felt I have always been alone in my life. As a child I was completely ignored by my family and I used to cry every night for God to kill me. My parents told my brothers and sisters that I was a retard, which separated them more from me and I wasn't. I found myself in highschool and was very happy. But lately everything is falling down around me and I only have myself to support me. My brother cut contact with my family since I was a child and he has recently contacted us and he has a critical and incurable illness which will kill him in a few years. My sister has gone into drugs and now is a prostitue, me and my family look after her child. My grandfather is dying a horrible death as he was nuclear bombed in the pacific like a guinea pig, and with the little knowlege about the effects other than the chromosomes are completely displaced, I'm worried about my and my family's similar fate due to the genetic damage.
 
I feel so alone sometimes and I feel that I have to help my family, despite their horrible treatment of me. I'm at university under a lot of stress with the main motivation of providing a good life for my niece. I feel my life has fallen apart and I have no help yet I am forced to carry on. I cry a lot of the time and it has become a problem with the only good thing in my life: my boyfriend. He says it frustrates him not being able to help me as he thinks he has resolved my issues then they come up again and again.
 
I just wish I'd die yet I'm not even allowed that release as so many depend on me. I can't cope with this anymore the more knowledge I learn about life the more I want out.
 
 

PSA
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 498
   Posted 4/17/2009 4:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Welcome to Healing Well.

First and foremost you must not call yourself Sad+Panda. Panda is very jovial and can never be sad. So cheerup baby.

My dear friend you must shun your negative attitude. If you smile everybody would smile with you, but if you cry nobody for care for you. Go in for meditation, yoga, gardening. Keep yourself occupied.

I am sorry to learn about what all you have gone through in the past. However, you cannot live your life with emotional baggage of the past. Life has to move on. Why don't you appreciate the things which God has given you. You have a nice friend who is always with you. What more you need.
It seems you are suffering from "Clinical Depression". I too suffer from same because of what all I have gone through in my life. Bad marriage, messed up surgeries, complications, and what not. But then I did consult a Psychiatrist. He did give some medicines and I feel better. It is a different thing that in case I don't take that medicine, I too feel like howling at the top of my voice.

Take care
45 years Male Attorney
Diagnosed UC October 1989
Had two stage J Pouch Surgery Nov 2005 Take Down March 2006
Complications after surgery - Incisional Hernia and Ano Fistulas
"Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark."
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracl: Albert Einstein
"What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you."
 


PSA
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 498
   Posted 4/17/2009 4:48 AM (GMT -7)   
A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses." Picasa!


There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her.

She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him.

Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying.

"Just take care of my eyes dear."

This is how human brain changes when the status changed.
Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.

Life Is A Gift

Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face.

Life is a gift.
45 years Male Attorney
Diagnosed UC October 1989
Had two stage J Pouch Surgery Nov 2005 Take Down March 2006
Complications after surgery - Incisional Hernia and Ano Fistulas
"Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark."
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracl: Albert Einstein
"What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you."
 


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/17/2009 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Sadpanda,

Welcome.  I'm glad you posted here, and hope you will come back again soon. 

I'm not an expert by any means, but it does sound to me like you are experiencing depression.  It's hard not to focus on the negatives when you're depressed, I know, but is there anything that brings you laughter or contentment or holds your focus for a while.....any sort of activity or personal interest that you enjoy?  It really does help if you have something in your life that you enjoy doing to change your focus from the sad things that are going on.  I find if I don't give my mind that break, things seem to "snowball" in there.

Have you consulted with your doctor about how you're feeling?  It might be a good idea, just to see what he/she has to say, and to see if maybe some counseling might be in order.  I see a therapist myself, and she has really helped me to deal with past events and my struggles with depression and anxiety.  Also, if you need more information on your grandfather's condition and how it will affect your family, your doctor may be able to give you some information, or tell you where to go to get that information.

I'm sorry to hear about your family situation.  It's very sad when family members are suffering, through illness or other circumstances, and it's especially tough when these things are out of your control.  I understand what you mean about the fact that you still care, despite all that has happened through your childhood on up.  You should give yourself a great deal of credit for working your way through university for yourself and for your niece.  That should be a source of pride for you, Sadpanda, and I hope you realize what a wonderful accomplishment that is, especially since you have had little motivation or support from your family (from the sound of it).  You obviously have a strong spirit and a will to move forward in your life, and I don't want you to let this depression bring you down any longer.  You deserve to feel better and recognize your own inner strength.

As far as your boyfriend's concerns about you getting your issues resolved, I have always believed that healing is a process, not an event.  It takes time to work through problems from the past that still affect you, and it also takes time to learn how to deal with problems in the present.  I don't know if you feel this way, but I find that old issues can come up in layers......I deal with one layer at a time, and try to handle them as they arise.  It sounds to me like he just wants so much for you to feel better, and perhaps he is having trouble understanding what you're going through.  I'm glad to read that he acts lovingly towards you, and I hope that your time together will bring you some comfort.

Please come back and let us know how it's going.  There are a lot of kind and compassionate people here who will support you.

 

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18757
   Posted 4/18/2009 1:30 AM (GMT -7)   
panda, a lot of pain, yeah u are on the right road via seeking help, i would suggest more professional help, in particular your doc. depression is a medical issue, so i would strongly suggest seeing your doc. and u panda, to help others, u first need to start helping u. sending compassion 2 u. jamie. all the best, keep posting, if u are able, we care.
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