Thanks Karen for your reply. I have not spoken to my son's fiance. I don't think he would want me to and she would probably be very embarassed. I wish I could though and tell her the extend of what she did spread throughout my whole family. We are all hurting. My other son was planning his brother's bachelor party. When I go back and read that article it describes so much the way she is and how ideas that were formed in childhood affect her now. Yes, I do garden. I have a lovely garden with beautiful rose bushes in all colors from red, pink, white, yellow and orange. I also have some perennials, hydrangea bushes, clamatis, irises, tulips. Have to find something to keep the rabbits from biting the buds off my tulips. I also plant an annual garden with geraniums, lysthiansis, dusty miller, impatiens, all different coleus, anything I find that is unusual. The other thing I have is 6 very tall rose of sharon bushes, more like trees now. They don't bloom until late August but when they do they are filled with blossoms. I used to go to a depression support group but I stopped going because most of the people there were the parents of bipolar adult children and I didn't find much support for myself. I could still give it a try. They have lectures at the Senior Center where I volunteer so I could go to some of those. It is an amazing center and they have so many classes and things to do. Only thing is I feel I don't quite fit in as most people are in their 70s and 80s. It's fine for volunteering but I don't know about joining in the activities. I'll have to see what I can find. Still looking for a part time job but no prospects. Well, I feel better writing so I am glad you answered me so I could get a bit more out of me.
Jamiee, Thanks for your reply. I am just wondering a little about your situation. How long did you have a relationship with this person you broke up with? And did it take you a long time to heal? Is there anything specific you did to help yourself to feel better? Maybe some ideas I can pass on to my son? How long did it take to really get over the relationship and find your new one, and are you feeling good and happy with this new one. Do you still think about your old relationship and wonder whar would have happened? I know I am being so nosey to ask all of this of you and if you don't want to answer I certainly understand. I am trying so hard to help my son but I think he will be best off with some counseling and to just let the time go by. This is so hard for him as he was engaged and they had the wedding all planned and deposits put down. They were to finalize the rest this summer. I just ache so for him, I wish I could transfer all this pain to me. Thank you for any help you can give me.
Hi Raniah, thanks again for your reply. Today is my son's 30th birthday. I spoke with him and he is doing remarkably well. He went out with his dad and stepmom last night and they had a good talk. He is beginning to see things so much clearer for what went wrong. HIs fiance(ex) has suffered from low self esteem and it seems she has the problem of being one who self sabotages herself. They have had their share of problems and he always stood by her. She has never given in to him or even tried to compromise. He realized it would never be a good marriage so he felt it was best to leave now. She is of course devastated and can't believe he won't put up with her razzmatazz again. But a person can only take so much before they say enough. He is going to get counseling at a very good place and I ordered him some books on the breakup of relationships and how to survive lost love. He has many friends and they are all rallying around him and giving him lots of support. In fact they are having a birthday party for him tonight. We are going out tomorrow night to celebrate with his brother. I am just amazed at how clear he sees things for what they are. That is not to say there won't be rough days ahead but he knows that and I think the counseling will help. As for me, there are a lot of lectures and different programs that the libraries around here have. Also, I live near a BIG city and there is so much to do with all the museums and art shows so I think I will be OK. My friends have been supportive too. I also have a wonderful therapist who I have seen off and on since my divorce. Can you believe I have been divorced 25 yrs? My husband left me with 2 babies but I recovered. Thank you again for always thinking of me. While I am sad I understand what went wrong and I know that time will heal us. Please post me anytime and let me know if there is anything I can do to support you.
I am sorry I have been late in posting here, I did post on your other thread. I am so happy your son did go out on his birthday and that shows me that he is moving on. Happy Birthday to Him.
I know you are sad for him as I understand this, my oldest son went through a bad first marriage and now his second wife seems to have gone round the bend for whatever reason. I do know why but that is not relevant right now, I just know how bad I feel for my son who lives on the west coast with his family and we are in the midwest. I cry for him when he tells me what is going on.
Yet I know I cannot call my DIL and butt in just as you are not calling your son's ex fiancee'. I would probably not be able to stay in the calm mode so it is best I just sit back and support my son as you are doing. Your a good role model for me Aurora. Thank you for that.
I hope that the sadness soon passes and you will be feeling better. You have all my support.
I wish you peace,
Hi Raniah, After my divorce I waited about 3 yrs before I started dating again. I had little children to raise and couldn't put any effort into a relationship or doing much else but concentrate on my kids. Then I joined a singles group. I met many wonderful people and a lot of men and began to date. I had friends fix me up and I had lots of dates, most weren't anything special. Then a friend fixed me up with her brother and we began to date and ended up having a 5 yr relationship. I adored him. We did so many fun things and had a lot in common. We went to the movies every Fri night. That's how I became such a movie buff.Well, he got a job offer in CA and decided to take it and he moved. We tried to keep the relationship going long distance but I can tell you that never works. We discussed marriage but something in me said I wasn't sure it would work out in the long run and I did not want to uproot my kids, move to CA and if it didn't work out I would be all alone. I broke off the relationship. It was hard but I had been thru divorce so this was easier. I continued to date and had one other relationship that lasted about a year but now I am just good friends with that man. At this point in my life I have been alone for so long that I really don't care to be involved with anyone. It may sound selfish but I have my own ways and I enjoy having to answer to no one. You have to do what is best for you. If you find someone you think would be fun to date go ahead and try it. I don't know how long you have been single and how available dates are where you live. I also have the problem that I am getting older and most men my age want the 30 something women. Last year while I was volunteering at the Senior Center an 89 yr old man tried to pick me up. He asked me out for lunch. I thanked him but said I was involved with someone. Always a good excuse to have if you don't want to go. So all I can say is if you are ready and feel like going out why not try it. I wouldn't mind a companion for dinner or a movie but that is all I would want and I am certainly not looking. Let me know what you decide. Good luck