Post Edited (getting by) : 4/19/2009 8:29:40 PM (GMT-6)
Hi Hendrix, I am so glad you found us. I am dealing with a somewhat similar situation. My son has been engaged for the past 7 months with a wedding all planned for Oct. His fiance got cold feet, emotional disconnect, the result being they are broken up - no wedding and everyone broken hearted. I am happy to say he sees very clearly that she was not right for him and he is learning to move on. Why am I telling you all this you wonder? One of the things I see in your post is that you were hurt badly once and now you may be afraid to take that next step in finding hapiness. You may be feeling you are not worthy of the love you are being given. You may be subconciously self sabotaging yourself as your previous breakup may have caused you to feel low self esteem. The fact is none of us knows what the future holds. The past is gone and that is where you have to leave it. Only by taking the chances offered us can we form new relationships and find new hapiness. It sounds like your girlfriend truly cares for and loves you. And I am sure you love her too. Her family likes you and is in favor of the relationship. If you are feeling scared that is natural. I think this sounds like it could turn out to be a wonderful experience and relationship for you both. Age is really just a number. As Karen mentioned her husbands were older. I would not consider age to be a factor as she doesn't and her family approves. I would only suggest to take things one step at a time, form the relationship slowly on a good solid basis and see what develops. You might want to search the internet or go to the library and look for books on self esteem and how to build a good and lasting relationship. I know there are books out there as I bought some for my son, I just don't remember the names right now. I think you have a bright future. You just need to tell yourself that you are worthy and look in the mirror and tell yourself you are a good and kind person. Your confidence will build. I wish you only the best and I hope you will keep posting and let us know how things are going. You will find many good friends here. There will always be someone to answer your posts. Take good care of yourself and I wish you good luck. You are worhy of this hapiness.
hey hendrix, love conquers all fears, and i am practicing what i am preaching for once!! sorry that i haven't read the threads. keep up the communication, honesty is everything, for u and your girlfriend. very happy for you, (both). some quiet time where you can talk - openly may help. yes, sex is one part of a relationship, and a healthy one, but 2 wait will increase the experience, i am doing the same!! sex v's love, i'll take love. i think you get my drift! blessings to you, thanx for posting, and for having the courage to do so.
jamie, male, 37
This is Kitt and welcome to HealingWell. I have read your thread and I do see some red flags that cause me a bit of concern.
I understand your fears about jumping in with both feet after your divorce but I think that is only the tip of the iceberg here.
Your girlfriend is very young and has little to no experience with men from what I have read and I find this a bit alarming in the real world of today. She has never had a boyfriend and she is a strict Catholic. I am wondering how her family views you as a husband for their daughter with your divorced status. I would guess if they are that strict, they would want a man that would be able to wed their daughter in the Catholic Church etc.
You also seem to be vacillating on what to do and by bringing in her cousin you may have made a tactical error by accident. Hopefully she will understand that you do love her but you have fears.
Have you been to or thought of counseling for yourself to help sort through your fears and issues. I think your fears are well founded but at some point you will have to take the leep of faith and go one way or the other. Yes you may get hurt again but that is what happens to all of us everytime we love someone. We may get hurt then again we may just find the greatest happiness of all...............the love of a wonderful person to spend our life with.
“True love is that which ennobles the personality, fortifies the heart, and sanctifies the existence.” ~Henri Frederic Amiel
I wish you peace and happiness but most of all I wish you love, Hendrix.
I think you have answered your own questions very well and yes take it one step at a time, you will have a lifetime of happiness together so I am happy for you. I know that marriage is wonderful and awesome and yet there are always stepping stones you must cross together. That is the magic to a good marriage............caring and supporting one another. Accepting that neither person is perfect but overlooking the little flaws.
I have an ex and I have a wonderful man to whom I have been married for 38 years now so I have been on both sides of the fence as you will soon be. I also am Catholic and I was the divorcee to my husband's very devout Catholic family. I came with luggage thow, 3 children. My inlaws and I are very close but they gave me the benefit of being a good person who had a bad first marriage so I am blessed.
I believe in you so go for it and build your life together. Life is good. Besides she is a nurse and hey we nurses must follow our hearts.
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person." - Mignon McLaughlin
Bless you both,