I just want to be happy again...my story of depression.

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want-to-be-happy-again
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/20/2009 2:36 PM (GMT -7)   
okay, I don't want this to sound like an AA introduction but I have no idea how else to start this so here it goes. Hi, My name is Haley and I'm almost 15 years of age. I've been depressed for about five months and I'm just getting help. My teachers told my mom I guess about my downfall in class and then...well yeah. Basically that's it. They told her that and she just now asked me about why I'm so sad and isolated all the freaking time. I first realized I was depressed around the middle of December, but since then many things have happened to me such as, my great-aunt had a major heart attack (last week) and I had my first (and continous) thoughts about . At first I was in denial about the whole thing, then after i started having the suicide thoughts I began writing out notes to friends in my journal explaining my decisions. After about a month and a half of the thoughts I tried to act ...needless to say I realized I couldn't die because I didn't want to give up. So now to explain the funny thing. My mom has always been a bull-headed person and such a stronge independent women. Well she just thought I was fine, even if I was in tears coming home. Since I was the freshmen captain of cheerleading, the all star soccer player, and the jr. and sr. prom queen I couldn't be depressed. I know I am, and I know I'm not alone on this...I could really use some help going through this. I don't want to be depressed, I want to be the happy, energetic, Haley I use to be.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/20/2009 4:51:43 PM (GMT-6)


want-to-be-happy-again
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/20/2009 2:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello? Anybody here? I would really appreciate a little tidbit about your depression and maybe something I could do to help mine..anything? Please?

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/20/2009 3:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Haley,

It took me a while to get to your post....I had a lot of catching up to do when I logged on! :-)

I have dealt with depression for many years, as is the case for many of us on this board. It sounds to me like you've had an awful lot of stuff going on in your life, and I'm wondering if there was one particular event that triggered something for you, or if this was a gradual thing.

High school can be a tough time....there's no doubt about that. However, I'm guessing with the activities that you've had that you must have friends who could be a good support to you. You mentioned that you had written notes to friends in your journal, and I wonder if you have talked to any of your friends about your sadness.

Also, it seems like you are concerned that your mom is not taking your depression seriously (or have I misunderstood this?). You said that you are now getting help for your depression......does that mean counseling?

Sorry for all the questions....just trying to understand so that I can support you.

Please know that you've come to a really good place to post.....the people here are warm and compassionate, and we all understand what it's like to be depressed. ((hugs))

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 4/20/2009 3:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Haley,

I posted behind you in another thread. I am Karen. I want to let you know that I am sorry that I had to edit your post. We are not allowed to talk about suicide, but that doesn't meant that we don't support you, we do.

Please keep posting, and I am glad that you have been to a counselor. Keep going, it is so important. I know that you are going through a rough time right now, but I am here to say that you will feel better. You are trying really hard and it will pay off.

Stick with us, we are here to support you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 4/21/2009 12:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Haley just want to say hi. and that I hope you find the help you need.Do not give up just keep working on getting better.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Surgery to fuse L3 and L4 vertabra Dec. 31,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/21/2009 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Haley
Good Morning, this is Kitt. I am very sorry you are going through a tough time and as someone mentioned the teen years are tough years for some but IMHO I feel like any years can be tough depending what is happening with you and in your life.
 
People with depression get knocked down easier and find it more difficult  sometimes to deal with the hard knocks in life.  I am so sorry about your Aunt. 
 
It is good that your Mom knows about your feelings of depression but I am wondering if you are getting any counseling?  That is one of the cornerstones in learning to deal with your feelings.  If your not in therapy, please do talk with your Mom and see if she would set you up with a therapist.
 
Karen is right, our rules are in place re discussions about suicide for a reason however we can still talk about your feelings of depression and what you can do to feel better.
 
Happy to have you with us.
 
Gentle Hugs
Kitt 
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
  Forums
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


theswan
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 4/21/2009 12:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Haley

I wonder if I suffered depression when I was in highschool. I guess i did but I took up alcohol and drugs and was never able to see the real me. Today they would say I self medicated which may be true. It is a tough time in life but it gets better.

medications did well by me for a time but I became resistant. The best years for me were 34-45 I pray I become joyful again andtrust God I will.

A strong faith made a lot of defference for me. Talk it out with a counselor and with close friends. Get a support group if possible or maybe form one. Remember you are qualified to help others albeit not professionally.

Good luck to you

Glen
This too shall pass


wallE.5
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/21/2009 10:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Please review the rules and guidelines of HW. 
 
10. No posts of an overtly political or religious nature OR posts promoting advocacy of particular personal, medical, legal, religious, political, or non-profit causes.  The forums are intended for offering mutual personal support.  Debating controversial subjects should be taken elsewhere.  Limited religious references are allowed (ie. "my prayers are with you" or a brief quote as part of a larger post), but the forums should not be used to convert others. 
 
Sorry for the edit, your post strayed beyond ""my prayers are with you" or a brief quote as part of a larger post.
 
Thank you,
Kitt

PS. have you exercised or stretched, this week?

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 4/22/2009 8:27:33 AM (GMT-6)


TheBear08
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/22/2009 11:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Haley, im 16 and i have suffered from depression for about 6 years. Its really talking and getting help that made the difference from me. Trust me, you will never be able to cure yourself of depression, its not a disease with an exact cure, but it can easily be pushed aside for more important things. Find something truly important to you that will help you through. My therapist is having me try this new technique and its called a "comfort". you find one item, like a stuffed animal or a pillow or a book, and whenever you're feeling depressed you find your comfort and take some time out and just sort out your thoughts with it, talk. I know it sounds crazy but it really has helped me and i hope it can do the same for you.

by the way, just a note, my comfort is a really old pillow.

wei00007
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/23/2009 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, this is lame i cant believe ive resorted to the internet for help *hits head on wall*

im 16 ive been depressed almost 12 years, but im still here heheh man i do suck : D I just listen to music alot, ALOT! try to stay happy and do what you love also try to keep stress free thats about all i can say really, im still depressed but i dont like to talk either.

SELF EDITED

why cant we talk about suicide?? i mean what your gonna come on here and be al like yeah im down (im suicidal HALP ME) if ya cant say it how can ya get help?

Post Edited (wei00007) : 4/23/2009 8:48:50 AM (GMT-6)


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/23/2009 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Wei,

Welcome to the forum.  I don't think it's lame that you came here to post......after all, I come here regularly, and I'm not lame. :-)

Listening to music helps me a lot, too.  You're right in your advice to "do what you love" and "try to keep stress free".  I love being outdoors, so I try to do that at for at least an hour every day.  What else do you do besides listen to music?

 

Living one day at a time. 
 


wei00007
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/23/2009 8:07 AM (GMT -7)   
I do I.T. classes im 1 week away from my cert II and then i can go for my cert 4 i have that today (its 1 am) i LOVE that to death what does OP love??

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/23/2009 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I.T. classes....that's great!  Can I assume that this is what you want to do for your career?
 
What does "OP" stand for in your post?
Living one day at a time. 
 


wei00007
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/23/2009 8:20 AM (GMT -7)   
hehehe lurk moar OP is original poster Yeah im a computer whiz its the only thing i enjoy doing anymore. its also a great excuse to not leave my room : D

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/23/2009 8:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Helo Wei,

Welcome to HW.  We have had an influx of teens lately and I find it  sad that so many teens are experiencing depression.  Wondering if you have been to a physician for a medical check up to be sure there is nothing physically wrong?

To answer your questions:

Discussions of suicide or self-harm are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

Due to the anonymity of the site and the fact that this is a peer support group and not responsible for calling any authority on any member that threatens suicide, we strongly encourage members to call the hotline , 911, a family member or a friend, or to check themselves in to the local hospital emergency room.

The rules are set by the administrator and as members of this great forum it is our responsibility to follow the rules and guidelines of HealingWell.

Sincerely,

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
  Forums
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 4/23/2009 11:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej everyone!

This looks like a real DA meeting (though I've never visited one of those). Nice to meet ya'll. After skimming the messages, it appears there is a need to talk about suicide. As Kitt stated, this can't be done on the forum for good reasons, but my email can be found in my profile, feel free to use it!!

As a 19 year old I can probably still relate a bit to the age most of you have now, and it can be a real struggle to tell your friends and family about it. But I strongly urge everyone of you to do so. The support they give can make all the difference. It would be waste not to use that. Furthermore, the age most of you have as a teenager can be the age when you start thinking of life. Somehow, we tend to discover the bad things first. But that thinking can also help us to get cures. If you have a thousand problems now, you still have a lifetime left to patch those. And I think you need way less than a lifetime to achieve happiness. In like, real happiness. Not the happiness you get when you get a new computer, or new clothes you like. Or maybe that is real happiness to some of you.

And depression CAN be a positive thing to happen. In my case, I was angry at the world. Not any more. Thanks to depression. And no, I am not yet fully cured or whatever you want to call it, but it has opened up new ways of thinking.

Some of the new thoughts you might have can sound "wrong" in any way, but if you already knew how to live life, you would be happy, wouldn't you?

Is it OK to be angry when someone hurts you? Is it OK to feel bad when you are ugly? Is it OK not to be able to enjoy life unless you're perfect? Or are we all perfect? Is life real? Is it just a bunch of electric pulses inside what we believe is our head? What is happiness? Why do we suffer? Is what we think, what we believe to be true, the truth? Is there a truth?

Sorry to bother you with those questions, but now can be the time to open up this new world. No one is perfect. Everyone is perfect. Because, if happiness is the most important thing in life, why do we spend so much time doing other stuff? Why not spend more time being happy, or at least trying to find new ways to be happy?

Take care everyone!

Erik
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)


want-to-be-happy-again
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/24/2009 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
"Hello my name is haley and I've been depressed for about 6 months."
*group of people* Hello Haaaalllleeeeyyyy
:) Thank you all for your very kind messages...I got home from a late soccer game yesterday and wasn't feeling to good, but it was amazing to read all your messages. It really did let me know there are more people out there. I mean i knew there were other people, but this just really helps.
Last night I got home from my soccer games and i don't know how but all of a sudden we just got into a major fight. I ended up crying all night, then this morning she just left. Just left to go to work. She's my mother and I love her but i don't think she understands at all about my feelings. I don't want to cry my self to sleep at night, and I don't want to be alone on all of this. It doesn't help at all that she works at the highschool as a secretary for the counslers. I can't go in there to talk because it all goes back to her, and I can't talk to the nurse or teachers because they all are really great friends with my mom. I can't talk to anybody at church for the same reasons. I just don't know anymore...

TheBear08
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/24/2009 10:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Haley, I have the same problem that i cry myself to sleep almost everynight when things get really bad. What really helps me is finding a really good friend and opening up and just letting yourself cry. When you try to stop yourself from crying it produces stress and only adds to the feelings you are already having. I really hope things get better for you.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/24/2009 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Haley,

I'm glad you came back to post here again. I'm sorry that you and your mom had a fight last night. It's really hard when you feel like you can't talk to your parents about your problems. You mentioned in your first post about getting help for your depression, and I'm wondering if you were referring to a doctor or maybe a therapist. If you haven't already talked to your doctor about it, it might be a good time to do that.....and ask him/her if the confidentiality rules would be the same for you because of your age. I don't know what the standards are for that, but perhaps someone else here will know. You also mentioned that you can't talk to anyone at church, but I would think that your pastor/spiritual leader would keep your issues in confidence if you requested that. I am wondering if you have a close friend at school who you could confide in, or maybe a relative other than your mom who would keep your conversation private. Of course, you can always talk to us! There are lots of people here who understand what it's like to be depressed and can offer you support and encouragement.
Living one day at a time. 
 


want-to-be-happy-again
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/24/2009 11:29 AM (GMT -7)   
I haven't really found a good friend that I feel I can truely open up too. There are a few that I'm close to but none that I think would understand. I know I left this part out but I think it's what causes a lot of the stress on me. Around the end of February this chick NeNe moved into my house. She is so nosey and inconsiderate. I don't know why she moved it but it's really taken a toll on me emotionally. She started a lot of crap with these girls in my school about me. They confronted be and well it wasn't pretty. Then she started taking my cell phone and texting people. When I found a message from some exboyfriend of hers I asked him who he was, along with all the basics. Then one night when she went to "church" with her friends I started getting very threatening messages from the exboyfriends older sister. Turns out NeNe was right there next to them saying all of it to the chick.
I'm the only girl in my family for 38 years, and I have two older brothers ( one in college, one about to graduate). So she always suckers my mom out of money and gets her to pay stuff...it bugs the crap out of me because she's snotty when I ask her why. The economy isn't doing so hot, and I know my parents don't have money to waste so I try to level it out by not asking from money when I travel for sports. I just don't know what to do about her. She gets really rude when I try to ask her about it and whatnot. Anyways I know this seems useless saying it but I'm hopeing for advice.
Thank you to everybody already; it's so nice to be able to confide in you.

TheBear08
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/24/2009 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Trust me when i say this, this girl that moved in has issues of her own. She obviously feels the need to make you feel smaller so that she can be the bigger person. If you detatch yourself from the situation and not let her bother you, she'll figure out that what she is doing is pointless. Girls like her need someone to torture to fuel them and if you don't let her affect you, she'll run out of fuel.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/24/2009 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Haley,

I know you haven't had much success in talking to your mom about your depression, but have you spoken to her about NeNe? I think she would want to know about her taking your cell phone, and about the threatening messages and other problems that have come up. I don't know the circumstances around her coming to live with you, but the money issue is probably best left between her and your mom. It's very responsible and caring of you to worry about your parents' economic situation, and I really admire your maturity and thoughtfulness. That being said, your mom will have to make her own decisions about how she hands out the cash, as much as I can understand why it bothers you (it would bother me, too!). I really hope you will talk to your mom about your situation with NeNe. You haven't mentioned anything about your other parent (your dad? stepdad?) and I wonder how he feels about all of this. I'm sorry you feel like you can't confide in any of your friends, but I do hope that posting here will be helpful to you.
Living one day at a time. 
 


want-to-be-happy-again
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/24/2009 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
              I did tell her, and i was in tears after receiving the threatening messages.. She told NeNe she wasn't allowed to live with us anymore. But she backed out of her word. She is still letting NeNe live with us even though she still causes trouble at school for me. I just want to make it so whatever NeNe takes, I don't. I want my mom to be able to spend money on herself. It just seems that NeNe goes to buy stuff then "accidentally" doesn't have her wallet. Or she gets money on her own but doesn't use it, she just gets more from my mother. It makes me so upset knowing that she thinks my mother is going to be there to pay for everything. She's 18 finally and I want her to move out. I don't even have my old room anymore!! I painted and did everything to my room with my mother, then NeNe moved in and shared it with me. Then I got pushed to the basement. I'm in a room that's not mine, in a place I feel alone, and something that scares me more in a place I could hurt myself. I'm scared that if I'm alone down there, I could do something terrible to myself. I'm very unsure about everything now.   idea  
            confused    My parents weren't really there for me when I was younger. My dad use to work as a pipeliner, and my mother use to have two jobs because she loved what she use to do. Anyways my grandmother basically raised me, but since we moved 300 miles away from her I'm with my parents a lot more. It was really unusual being with them because it seemed when they were home they would just yell and I wasn't use to it.
              I've asked my mother about taking meds or at least talking to a doctor but she says I can face this all on my own, and that it's "just a phase". I really want to talk to her about moving back to Wyoming with my grandmother. I think that if I could get away and just be with my grandma it could really help. I love my grandma and she really understands me and everything I've gone through in my life, because she was there for most of it. I love my mom too but it would be amazing to just get away and start stress free and all over again. Maybe it could just be for part of the summer, or maybe it could be for one school year. Any suggestions on how I could bring this up without it backfiring??
                                                          Again thank you all soo, soo much!!  

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 4/24/2009 2:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

Do you think your mom would let you live with your grandmother? Have you discussed this with your grandmother? I lived with my grandparents for a lot of years, and they were fantastic parents. I hope that this all works out for you.

I guess the best approach would be a direct one. Just come out and discuss it with your mom. It sounds like she is open minded for the most part. I am sure she would do what is best for you.

Don't be afraid in the basement. I would love that space by myself. You have so much privacy.

I hope that your day gets better.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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