Something wrong with my brain?

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/25/2009 4:23 AM (GMT -6)   
I feel like I keep hitting walls in my life.

My happiness seems to be subject to change. I am happy at times, but then the happiness disappears with depression that is triggered by incidents of betrayal and hurt in my past.
I have had so-called friends, completely lose interest in our friendship and have had one completely TAKE ADVANTAGE of my trust. I cut them loose.
Now I have trust issues. I don't quite let myself get too close to people for fear of hurt.. At times I am happy being around others but I still feel alone in the midst of others.
My self-esteem is usually low. If I am dressed my best, just ONE thing (like flat or messy hair) can throw it off.

I've been told by my aunt and mother that I need to have more self-esteem and that there is nothing wrong with me. They don't believe anything's wrong with me but there must be something in order for me to have all these overwhelming feelings. I think it's more than just depression. And I can't tell anyone my problems. My mother's already weighed down by my autistic sisters, and I can't tell her. I can't tell my aunt who doesn't want to hear the same story, I cannot tell anyone else because they all believe in a non-existent being that doesn't exist and never comes to my rescue when I am needing enlightenment and peace of mind.
So I am wondering who can I tell?
Please, can someone help?


Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/25/2009 8:03 AM (GMT -6)   


Hello and welcome to HealingWell.  Am I correct in assuming you are young and live at home as you refer to not being able to tell you Mother.

I would really like to see you talk to your Mother and let her decide if your to much of a burden on her, which I think you will find out you are not.

Also I would like to suggest you see a physician to confirm a dx as you may have a medical issue going on that is causing your mood changes.  A physician will keep your confidence so you can feel comfortable in talking about your issues.

Also you can always talk to the members of this great forum.

Again a warm welcome.



Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Co-Moderator Depression
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 4/25/2009 8:34 AM (GMT -6)   

I just wanted to say that you remind me of myself about 6 or 7 years ago. I had extremely low self-esteem, was very shy, and just always felt down. The few friends I did have seemed to take advantage of me all the time-- either getting me to do their school work, or give them rides because I had a car, or all sorts of stuff really. Neither of my parents could understand the concept of depression. They would always sit there and ask me "What makes you feel so sad? What's wrong?". And when I would honestly answer "I don't know" they just absolutely had no idea what was going on with me. Sometimes it made my dad angry. I spent almost every night crying myself to sleep and every day avoiding people as much as possible.

Unfortunately for me, this lasted until I was 21 years old. When I was younger, I was terrified of seeking medical attention. To make a long story short, I ended up in a huge fiasco while living with a friend's family, and only when I hit absolute rock bottom did I get any help. I started out with counselling. It was provided by the county and was free for me since I wasn't carrying any health insurance at the time. The counsellor I saw was a very nice woman who listened while I explained my problems, and tried to help me see the situations in a different light. She wasn't pushy at all, and completely changed my prior assumption of what counselling would be like. Still, I felt that I needed more help. I asked her about getting on an anti-depressant, so she referred me to a psychologist (also state funded) and I got on Celexa (an anti-depressant).

Since then, my life has turned around tremendously. I got a full-time job, my own apartment, bought a nice car, am paying my bills, and gradually I got rid of all the people who were taking advantage of me. I've been in a healthy relationship with a wonderful guy for about a year now. There are still some times when I feel a little down, and I think there always will be. But it's nothing compared to what it used to be. And the most important thing is that I learned to let someone know when I start feeling down so that they are aware.

I strongly reccommend that you seek medical attention. In retrospect, I know that I waited to long to do so, and could have saved myself from a lot of bad experiences if I had done so sooner. I'm not sure if you're an adult yet, so I realize you might have to ask your mother about this. You don't have to necessarily go to a psychologist-- not at first at least. You can just see your family physician. They'll either refer you to a specialist, or treat you themselves, depending on your situation. These days, my regular doctor has no problem prescribing me Celexa, and will even change the dosage if I talk to him about it.

It takes a lot of courage to speak up and tell someone you have a problem, but trust me, it's worth it. As for people who can relate and understand your problems, I'm sure there are many people on this site who have been where you are and who understand. I wish you all the best. Please keep letting us know how you're doing!

Take care!!

23 years old
Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in April 2009 ~ Suffering since 2008
Diagnosed with Depression & Anxiety in 2007 ~ Suffering since childhood
Diflusinal, Nortryptiline, Celexa, Flexeril & Percocet as needed
starting Lyrica today (4/23) hoping it helps!!!!
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."   -Robert Frost
Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 4/26/2009 3:22 AM (GMT -6)   

Your so-called friend that have stabbed you in the back just need to be kicked to the curb. You don't need them. It's best to try and find 1 or 2 good friends that will listen to you. The other thing to do is keep a diary of how you feel each day. Heck I started a diary like that and found out that I felt better when I wrote things down especially when I had no one to talk to.

Hara- Fibromyalgia, Diabetes, Depression, Anxiety, Sleep Apnea, Vitamin D deficient

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