Need to talk about breaking up

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 4/25/2009 6:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,

To those who know me, I'm sorry I haven't been around lately. I'm trying to wrap up the semester with dignity and I've just been very overwhelmed. Maybe the stress is elevating my depression, because I've all of a sudden started having a real hard time again about the break up with the boy.

I just was wondering if others know the pain I'm going through...there's a part of me that still loves him, and probably always will, but I know there are reasons we keep breaking up. Even though not everything is/was right, a lot was very right and even though I've ended communication, I still miss him. I keep freaking out about the idea that we'll never see each other again...never talk again. It's scary because he has been a part of my life for so long, and I feel very "unsafe" without him. I keep thinking about all the laughs and good memories we have, and I miss him very much. Maybe I'm just worried that I'll never find that again? Plus, things didn't end on the best of terms, but when it comes to breaking up, do they ever?

Is there anything I can do to try to accept that we were only meant to be for a part of each other's lives instead of for the rest of each other's lives? Again, it really is too hard for me to talk to him because when we go back to "just friends," I always want to try to be more and get upset when he doesn't want to try a long-distance relationship again. I think I just need some reassurance that what I'm going through is normal. I wonder why we have to go through such hurt when it comes to ending relationships.

Thanks for your help.

NW

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 4/25/2009 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
NW, sweety it takes time to heal. I thought I loved a man, we were engaged even. One day I saw him in the store with some kids and some lady. I decided to keep from a far and watch, he seemed beyond friends with the lady. I confronted him at work the next day, he told me he was not at the store. I started asking his co-workers (he didnt know I was friends with a couple lol). They did some snooping around for me, and I found out why he lied to my face. The **** was married and those were his kids. I threw my ring at him and told him it was over and I knew about his other life. He apologized, but I broke up regardless. I drank and drank and drank. Bless another friend, he knew I believed in God. He showed me drinking was not the way out and helped me to quit. It still hurts, but after about 8 months I realized it wasnt really love. I met a terrific guy a year after my break up, and I'm still dating him. This winter will mark our 7 year anniversary. He has been hurt in the past too, so we are both taking the time to be slow.

One thing I do when I'm depressed, I write. I do free lance poetry. That is poetry that doesnt rhyme. Sometimes I make it rhyme. Also maybe find an activity you can do to keep yourself distracted.

Long distance relationships are hard too honey. I live 5 hours away from my man. We see each other every couple weeks, and we call every day, email every day. Sometimes we even fall asleep with our phones left on in the night since we both use speaker phone or ear pieces on the cell. Thank goodness we have unlimited mobile to mobile! It is nice though when you first wake up hearing "hi baby".
 
Smurfy Shadow
 
Desirèe 
 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis
 
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prilosec, Protonix, Zantac, Advair, Cingulair, Albuterol, Calcium + Vitamin D, Pro-Air, Pepcid, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops
 
PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl
 
Undergoing Radiation
 
Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) on Radiation Days


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 4/25/2009 9:56 PM (GMT -7)   
That is right, it does take time to heal. You say that you have a lot of good memories, cherrish that. And think of it as a good time in your life. If it is meant to be, it will. If not, you didn't waste your time, it sounds like you enjoyed a lot of it. So I think keeping the good memories is a good thing. You will get through this, we are here to support you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/26/2009 9:31 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning,

This is Kitt.  When you lose a close friend or love relationship, you are likely to feel great sorrow and heartache. Even when a bad relationship ends, there can be deep pain and grief.

Grief can be experienced even when an unfulfilling relationship ends, because, at the very least, you have lost the emotional investment you made in that relationship. There may be a sense of failure, hopelessness, loss, despair, fear, or desperation.

Let yourself feel and then let go of the hurt and the pain and the fear.  You are going to be OK. Give yourself time to work through this broken relationship. Know you are a wonderful person and that you can stand on your own.  I believe in you.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
  Forums
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 4/26/2009 1:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Nightwish,  I wil try to help you put some perspective on your breakup.  First of all let me tell you my experience.  Two weeks ago my son broke his engagement to his fiance that he had been seeing for 4 yrs.  Wedding all planned.  She had a major meltdown, nervous breakdown, can't really be sure.  He always gave in to her.  She wanted everything her way. It was never a 50-50 relationship.  He gave more than 110%.  But he put up with it because he said he loved her so much.  Well, he realized marriage to her would never work so he ended it.  Is he upset and heartbroken?  Yes.  Is he going on with his life?  Yes.  He realized that it was never going to work out with her and he would probably end up miserable for the rest of his life if he stayed with her.  He has many friends, they are very supportive and we are a very supportive family.  I bought him some books on how to heal a broken heart.  I found articles on the internet to help him.  He has signed up for counseling.  I am telling you this because I want you to know that you can survive a breakup and come out much better in the long run. As others have said, time is the healer of all wounds.  If this is a long distance relationship it will be easier for you not to talk to or see him.  Yes, I know you have wonderful memories and had great times together.  But you also had times that were not good.  If you want to get over this and go on with your life you need to put the past behind you and leave it there.  You are young and you will get over this.  Try to get involved with your friends and do some new activities. You must give yourself time grieve and accept that this is over.  Then you can move on and maybe find someone who is better suited to you.  I know this is so difficult.  You have to have determination.  I am amazed at how well my son is doing because he decided that life needed to move on and that he actually dodged a big bullet.  I too am hurting as I was so looking forward to this wedding we had planned. Life has its ups and downs.  You will be OK.  Go on the internet or book store and find something that gives good info on how to get over the loss you are feeling.  I wish you only the best and please post again - I bet in a few months you will be feeling much better. Be sure to take good care of yourself.
 
Aurora

NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 4/27/2009 7:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, thank you all for your advice, encouragement and insight. It's just reassuring to hear that I'll be OK, and to understand why I feel what I feel. I'll try to remember that healing takes time, that whatever is meant to be in life will be, to leave the past in the past, and that I'm a wonderful person! I seriously will keep reading your comments over and over whenever I feel sad, as they are so helpful to me.

Smurfy, I'm so glad to know that you found love again and are happy now. That gives me hope.

Karen, it helps to know that I did not waste my time. I do think people come in and out of our lives for a reason. Thank you for the support.

Kitt, Your insight on my feelings is very calming to my anxiety and I appreciate your kinds words about me so much! I will try to "let go."

Aurora, Your son sounds like he is a very strong person and I respect him for doing what was right for himself and his fiance. I also felt like I was giving more toward the end, or maybe I was just more invested. Not sure, as it was all quite confusing. I thank you for sharing this story with me, as it helps to know others have gone through this and can move on from it.

Feeling a bit better already,

NW :-)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 4/27/2009 8:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Nightwish,

Yes people do come in and out of our lives for a reason. Even bad relationships build character within us. So there are no regrets. It all happens for a reason. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. So that is my optimism for the day I guess.

I am glad that you can look at it and remember the good. And it sounds like there was a lot of good there. You will grow from that.

I hope that you are having a wonderful day.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/27/2009 8:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi NightWish,

You've received a lot of good input and advice here. I agree that people come into our life for a reason, and it's good that you have that perspective. That will undoubtedly help you in your healing. As much as I have struggled with losses like the one you are describing, I do believe that relationships have a beginning and an end, and perhaps the 'end' comes when we have experienced all that we can in order to learn whatever life lesson is attached to that relationship. You are right to hang onto hope......as I am fond of saying, there is ALWAYS HOPE. Everyone has a different experience in the timeline of grief, but there is a process to it, and it sounds to me like you are moving forward in that process. I wish you the very best, and I hope that you will continue to post and share with us.
Living one day at a time. 
 


NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 4/28/2009 10:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both so much. I'm going to stay strong, as I know time will heal my heart and hopefully diminish the fear, guilt and sadness I feel. Even though I am going through a rough time, I know I can be, and deserve to be, happy. :-D

NW

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/29/2009 6:14 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning NightWish

I am so happy to see the great response you received to your post.  It does my heart good to read what each of the great members of this family have written to you. :-)

You have a good attitude and you understand what is happening so you have already won have your battle.  Just remember to go slow and take it one step at a time knowing we are all here beside you in spirit.

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
--- Kahlil Gibran

May you always walk in peace,
Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
  Forums
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 4/29/2009 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, Kitt. That is incredibly calming and I will remember that beautiful quote when times get tough. :-)

NW
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Monday, December 05, 2016 8:05 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,733,317 posts in 301,103 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151244 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Wedge.
366 Guest(s), 9 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Nana 2, Bloom93, Charmed3, Mexlyme, time2reclaim, Wedge, iamamess, Broncofan18, NotQuiteAntonio


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer