I believe in the power of prayer with all of my heart, too. God has lifted me up when I have been powerless to move on my own, and I know no better or truer example of unconditional love than His love for us.
I can see from your posts, past and present, how very hard you have worked to help your wife and to take care of your family. It’s no wonder you are worn out…..anyone would be. It’s especially difficult to keep up your strength when positive feedback and reinforcement is limited.
I do think that your wife’s desire to have another child with you, once she is getting help for her issues, is a very positive thing. To me, it shows a plan for togetherness for the future, and a wish to further deepen the bond that you share as a family. Working on renovations to your home with you and showing an interest in re-furnishing, etc., with you tells me that she cares about
your environment and anticipates a life with you in that home in the years to come. I also remember how emotional she was when you gave her flowers on her birthday, and how she chose your wedding song as the ringtone on her cell for receiving calls from you. I think those are all signs that the love and commitment is still in her heart.
I give you a lot of credit for thinking through past discussions and seeing how certain words might have made her feel. It takes a lot of courage, IMO, to face things like that. I’m sure there have been times when your wife has wished she had not said certain things to you, too. The important thing is that you are committed to helping your wife through her depression, and I don’t doubt for a moment that she sees that commitment, even though she may have trouble acknowledging that to you right now.
This time in school has been a long haul for her, and I know that there will be opportunities for rest, for change, and for counseling once the session is complete. I do realize that two weeks seems like a long time when you’re so exhausted, Cowboy, but please hang onto your faith, and trust God to keep you strong.
I hope you will come back and let us know how things are going. I will continue to pray for you and your wife and son, and I hope very much that the upcoming counseling will bring both support and relief to your family. God bless you.
Living one day at a time.