I like your username. Butterflys are so beautiful!
Something you wrote struck me: "Because of my bipolar disorder, each day that I don't have a bowel movement, I think that I never will again." This is the black and white thinking that can set in with depression or like you shared with bipolar disorder. I know when I'm having a bad pain day (fibromyalgia) I tend to only remember the days I feel bad and it feels like 'this is all I ever go through - pain and suffering." So what has helped me was to actually write out statements of what the truth is and pin them up somewhere I'm bound to see them. So then when I have days where I'm not doing so well and tunnel vision is at play, I just read those statements and it's just the reality check I need. Eg: "You are not alway in pain. That is just the depression talking." "You will feel better soon. You always do." etc. It has really helped me.
You could do the same thing re. the fears you mentioned. Write down the fears you are struggling with and then take time to consider if they are blown out of proportion and untrue or not. If they are unreasonable fears, write the truth beside them to help yourself to get out of the "stinking thinking" mode. And if they are reasonable fears, write something positive beside them to help counter the fear. Eg. "I am afraid I will not feel well enough to get my work done today." You could write "But if that's the case, there is always tomorrow." OR "I will just focus on taking care of me instead and do somethign nice for myself." Or whatever comforting truth you can write to make those fears shrink back to 'normal' size.
It can be hard when dealing with a chronic condition. If we don't fight back the negative thoughts and weariness of the battle will be all too happy to try to become larger than life and take over. But just meditating on the truth and making steps to comfort ourselves can go a long way to counter some of the heaviness of the battle.
Frances and Raniah, you guys wrote such beautiful responses. I enjoyed reading them.
take care everyone, manyembers
Depression is an illness in itself and combined with other medical issues makes for a truly challenging situation.
You are not alone so please know we care.
Thank you everyone for your replies. You're all wonderful and I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I'm usually a positive person, but I'm very afraid of having to have future surgeries due to my constipation issues and it sends me in a downward spiral. I need to redirect my thinking somewhere where I can make a difference and where I have some control over.
Post Edited (Akram) : 5/6/2009 8:06:10 PM (GMT-6)
Akram, thanks for sharing with me. I feel so bad for you for what you had to go thru. Constipation can take over your whole life, and I'm ready to get my life back. I'm happy that you're living healthier and feel better now. That is great.. I can't have salads since surgery, but I have gone from 218 pounds to 135 pounds and I eat healthier now, too. I don't eat any red meat because it's harder to digest, and I eat lots of fish, chicken, steamed veggies, and fruits. I also walk and treadmill every day. Because of my motility disorder it was important for me to exercise for the rest of my life.
I think that I am most depressed over the fact that I've already had surgery once and I'm doing everything possible, but it's still out of my hands.
Today, I met with my general practitioner and got a referral for a general surgeon who performs ileostomies. I have an appointment with him on May 13, so until then I'm going to try to stay calm and take care of me.
I have to really work at positive affirmations too so here are a few that I use depending on what is going on in my life at the moment.
Raniah, I'm on a liquid diet today and am having testing at the hospital tomorrow, to see whether or not my small intestine is working. My large intestine was removed almost 2 years ago, so I'm praying that my small intestine is alright.
“The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” ~Marcus Aurelius
I am sure you feel like Wednesday will never get here while you wait for your appointment. I will be praying that your news is good news and whatever happens I will be right here to help you through so know you have a cheering squad.
I have a friend who has TPN every night at home and she works and lives a normal life. She has had Crohn's since she was 15 so she is a great example to many as she refuses to let the dang disease run her life completely. I have known her for 19 years and she has lost much of her small bowel and some of her colon too.
You have every right to be afraid so just imagine all of us sitting in the waiting room on Wednesday while your in with the Doctor. This group of wonderful members has great healing powers.
Gentle Hugs to you dear butterfly.