despressed or not?

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Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 4/30/2009 5:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone, I haven't bin here much lately, but It's time to rant again I guess. I don't know where I am right now, I don't know if I am still deprssed or what. I'm still trying to find a job for 5 months now and there is no luck, not even one reply to hundred's of applications I made over the past few months I still have hope but I feel lost and a little sad that there is no good result so far.

I can say I'm a little lazy, I don't sleep as much as I used to be ( used to sleep 18 hours per day ) I sleep now 9 to 10 hours a day on average but I wake-up usually late in the morning or afternoon and I stay late, as late as 3 AM. I feel guielty about this a lot.

I recently met a very nice girl, everything was going ok until she knew that I don't have a job, and I'm living with my parents currently, and spend a lot of time online and I am over 35 years old, as a responce she said I should do something about mylife and not talk to her until I fix my life. when she said this I took it seruisly, and I have steped up my efforts to get a job, but I can't help but feel sad about the whole situation. I think she doesn't like me anymore and it hurts so bad, I keep thinking of her all the time. I feel I am going through a pattern now because this isn't the first woman to reject me it feels like it has to happen everytime to me.

I also feel afraid constantly, afraid from GOD because I don't pray, I don't know what is going to happen to me in the afterlife but it's not looking good at all.

So I guess I'm still lazy, not as lazy as I have bin in the past few years but still pretty lazy.

being lazy, is that a symptum of depression do you think? I don't know. my doctor says I'm lazy too and that I should not spend 1 minute without a job, every minute counts.

I need your prayers please, to find a job so I can live the life I want, I feel trapped now and sad, I don't know how to sort this out it's frustrating me.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 4/30/2009 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Akram,

I don't know that you are actually lazy. You do seem to be on the computer, but what else is there to do when you aren't working? I guess maybe you should spend more time looking for work, but you said that you put in many applications. I would recommend rechecking with some of the places though. So I wouldn't say you are lazy, and I would say that you are trying, but sadly this young lady wants a man with a job. So what do you do with that? I guess you keep trying to find one. I am looking too and they are few and far between these days. You might have to settle for something less than desirable right now and so might I. But we both have to keep on trying. It is as simple as that.

As for praying, you are thinking about it. You either do or you don't. But thinking is almost the same, because you are doing it in your mind. So you kind of are praying.

We will say prayers for you to find a job. But God helps those who help themselves. Remember that. So keep trying. And remember that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 4/30/2009 6:31 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you karen for respounding, very nice words you are always here and ready top respond and encourage others on these forums who have trouble like me and you.

what hurts the most is that i quit my last job and I feel too humiliated to go back to them, I quit because they would not pay me any money and also I didn't them in the first place and I don't like the boss anyway, I don't think he knows where to place me as he changes his mind too often and I feel confused and I felt that I should look for another job which I am doing but everyone arounds me keeps telling that I should go back to that job but I don't feel this is the right thing to do, so I feel guilty, I feel I am too selective.

I also feel guilty that I am wasting my time because I am not re-newing my knowledge, as an IT specialist I must keep up and try to get certain certificates which some companies require, and not getting those certificates means less options for me , so I try to apply only for the jobs that do not require certificates, so I feel I'm lazy in that respect.

I am also worried about re-locating for a possible job , and how that will change my life , it might be dificult to do so but I am prepared to do it if thats what it takes to find a job, as there isn't much available jobs where I live, at least not in my field.


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 4/30/2009 8:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Akram,
I just wanted to encourage you to keep working towards your goals, whatever they are. It is really hard for everyone looking for jobs right now. I haven't had any luck either. But we will find something. I'm sorry to hear about the girl insisting you need a job and/or place of your own. A lot of girls are like that, but things are not the way they used to be & sometimes that's just not possible.

I will send you an email later, but I do want to say that I don't think that God is punitive like that -- punishing us for not praying enough. People may be judgmental & harsh with us, but God just isn't like that. If you feel you could benefit from praying more, then maybe set aside more time in your day for that, but always remember that God is for you & not against you.

blessings,
frances

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/30/2009 9:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Akram,

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I totally agree with Frances about God not punishing us for not praying enough. I believe that God always loves us, and He knows what is in your heart. I don't think you sound lazy.....I think you sound depressed. That is my opinion from what you have written. I am only experienced with depression in my own life, of course, but much of what you describe sounds like my thoughts, feelings and behaviours when I am depressed. I am very sad to read about what happened with your girlfriend. I hope that the grief you feel will pass, and that you will meet someone worthy of your love and kindness. I wish you the very best, and yes, I will certainly pray for you.
Living one day at a time. 
 


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/1/2009 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you frances and raniah, your words of encourgment are priceless, thank you for supporting me and listening. I'm slightly better today but my mind keeps racing with thoughts, about GOD and love and finding a job, the 3 things which seem to concern me the most, and I keep feeling that time isn't on my side. I feel like I need a shoulder to cry on almost all the time. I talked to a relative of mine today briefly and expressed how I am having a bad time currently, it helps a little. but I don't know how to approuch my parents or grandmother who is with us currently, because they are fed up with me and think I'm like a big spoiled baby lol.

when you said GOD is with me and not against me , it's true thank you for reminding me of this, he is only testing me I guess and seeing how I will respond, after all GOD loves all his creations. and frances if your willing to send me an e-mail that would be great, I will be waiting for that :)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/1/2009 4:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Akram,

I do not have a lot of words today but I want you to know that I am here and I am reading.  You have my support and prayers always.  Never give up.

Peace,
Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
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