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Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/2/2009 1:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, I have decided to open-up a little more to this wonderfull Community and tell a little bit more about my dark days, specially my teen years, colledge and my work and addiction to online games, which led to my final collapse or breakdown that I went through leading up to my two suiside attempts in 2004 and last year. this might be a very boring long read so bewarned, I apologize for that.

My parents did a good job of raising me, they were kind, warm, protective and they have given me everything that I ever wanted. I had a warm & clean place to stay in, food on the table and they were good rolemodels too. there was no problem there.

The first time I noticed something was wrong, I was 7, and some boy at school opened my pants and touched me in private places, I wasn't sure what he was doing at the time and didn't tell anyone about it, I thought it was just a one-time thing and it won't happen again but I was so wrong. when I was 8 I remember boys following me while I walk home from school to my home, I didn't know why, they were teasing me and making fun of me and how I look, I didn't know what it meant at the time, and I didn't know what they wanted. as I grew older things became more clear, in school I was labeled to look like a girl. when I was 10 people in and out of school said I looked like a girl. I knew I was a boy and I didn't understand why would they say that about me. I didn't tell my parents about it because I was too ashamed of them knowing this so I tried to act as if everything is normal but they eventually found out.

Things started to get worse as I got older, by the time I was 14 boys started openingly, even infront of other boys ask me to have sex with them. boys at my class would make fun of how I look every single day, I got so used to the idea that I started to accept the situation. I was kind of a shy person so I could not defend myself infront of them, I didn't know any smart comebacks so I accepted being teased, I even started to imagine that I might be a girl who is traped in a boy's body. at home when my parents are out I started to cross-dress, I wondered what it would be like to a girl, I was really confused and scared I didn't know what I was anymore. even my close friends, instead of defending me from the other boys who I could not defend myself from started making fun of me too, they even wrote a song about me , that says I get raped by 3 boys in an abandoned house and they keep singing that song to me over and over untill I get sick of it. my parents eventually found out about what was happening through the school conseler who was very concerned about me. the school conceler used to ask me if someone was touching me , I was afraid to tell but eventually I did so he asked me to tell the story to the school principal, I showed him where I was touched and all he did was just give a small speech to the boy who did it and nothing happened.

Well the nightmare ended when I was 18 and left school and that wreched town. the place I studied school in was saudi arabia, and later-on I understood why all the boys were doing that to me, it's because all goverment schools in saudi arabia like the one I attended separate boys from girls, girls are shut -out from boys in saudi arabia in general and boys end-up having a gay life throughout school. I thought that I looked like a girl but in truth it was just the sick society in saudi arabia that made me think that way. so when I was 18 I moved to jordan and started my colledge life leaving all that bad history behind me , well at least for a periond of time. I lived a decent colledge life, lots of friends fun and hobbies, but I wasn't good with the girls so I had only male friends. after being shut-out from girls for 18 years I didn't know how to deal with them at all, and plus I was very shy I would tremble in fear if a girl decides to talk to me and I would just be speechless.

but the nightmare came back, when I graduated and was ready for work, my parents who were still in saudi arabia urged me to go back and find a job there, I didn't want to do that I wanted to find a job in jordan because I didn't want to go back to that place ever again, but knowing you get paid 10 times as much for the same job if you work in saudio arabia, and after much persuasion from my parents and my uncle I decided to give it a shot. and so I did, I found a job with a reputable computer company, but it was never eazy. I had to spend about 4 months working with no pay, before starting to get a low paycheck, just half of what a graduate would get as per company standards and policy. I had to work twice as much as everyone else just to get noticed, it took me 3 years to get noticed and get a the standard pay-check a new graduate gets when he joins the company, I impresed my managers greatly offering to do stuff outside my job description, staying late everyday and offering to help anyone in any project that needs help. but that wasn't enough to impress the saudi branch manager who had his eye on me the day he took office, which was 6 months after I started working. he would yell at me for no reason, call me names and make fun of me at every oppurtunity he gets. he wanted me out of company to make room for his fello saudi people, I can understand how he feels that I am am outsider and it would the country good to have a saudi take my place, but I worked hard and I thought I derseved my position because of my contributions to the company. things really got started going bad after I got my promotion and the standard pay-check that a new graduate would get, so he started inventing new ways embarasing me and putting me down. on wednesday the branch usually gathers for breafast and infront of everyone he told me to take a cucumber, I told him I didn't want one but he said take it , you need it so you can shove it up your ***. I was so humilated by that specially it was infront of all the employees, he continued this behavouir with me, started to tease me on how I look like a girl etc remiding me of all my bad days at school that I thought I had put behind me. it was clear that it was either me or him in that company, but he's the branch manager and he is well connected to the owners of the company, I told my managers about this but there is nothing they could do to stop him. he kept complaning about me that I don't work hard enough and that I should be replaced, I fought back working harder, as much as I could to proove him wrong and proove to my managers that he was just a lier. things kept going worse though, when I was promoted I was given the title "system engineer" and I was supposed to work on the technical stuff within a team of 2 supporting the whole country. but my american coulegue who was handeling the sales side informed that he is quiting because he is fed up also with that branch manager and the lowpay he is getting, he had found another job in australia and my managers decided that I should take over the sales responsibilites as well as the technical ones untill they find a replacement for the sales guy. after my american colluge had left, things became really hairy, I had to cover sales for 3 cities while also trying to be a system engineer working on technical issues. I was torn apart, I was doing installation, maintenance, writing proposals, following up on marcketing leads in 3 cities. what's worse is that the branch manager knew about this and used it against me , started complaining that I am useless to his branch where I am actually based and that I spend more time working on other cities, so after 5 years my managers decided I should move to head office and away from that branch manager. it sounds like a good thing but it wasn't, it was known that the well connected branch manager was going to become the CEO soon, it was only a matter of time, so if I moved to the head office I won't be safe. so I decided it's time to look for other options, I also didn't want to re-locate to another city as I had great support in my city from relatives, friends and activites I used to go aerobics classes and play football with my friends on every weekend so I was happy there I didn't want to loose all of this, so I found the perfect opportunity, a co-worker had left the company to form another competing company so I jumped ship with them after 5 years, some of my conditions were a more decent salary which I got, and also not to be re-located from my city.

Sadly after joining the new company, and after 1 month going by, I was put in a project in riyadh, the capital in saudi arabia. not knowing anybody there and not knowing how long I would stay there I didn't make any freinds or try to indulge in any activites I stayed at home, everyday I came back from work to an empty appartment, no friends no life this is when depression started kicking in I think but I didn't reliaze it was depression. I noticed I started to cry at night for no apparent reason, I started making long distance calls to my parents to feel comfortable but as soon as I droped the phone I would feel empty and alone. there was no way to meet women in riyadh, as I said because women are shutoff in saudi arabia. they even would not let me in the mall on weekends because it's for families and couples only. I started getting really boared then I found this add on TV about an online game, a role-playing game with a viritual world and community of people. I thought I'd give it a shot and I'm sorry that I did. I have played video games all my life in a controlled manner not distrupting my life or stoping me from doing my dututies or responsibilaties so I thought it would be ok to try an online game what could be wrong in that? yes I did feel bad knowing that I was 29 at the time and thinking that I might be too old to think about games but I told myself what other things I could do here in Riyadh? it was boring here and it sounded better than watching the usual boring TV all night. so I started playing this online game, at first I would spend an hour or so then get boared then do something else or watch TV then go to sleep so I can wake-up the next day for work. slowly this game started creeping up to me, the hours increased, and I started to meet new friends online through the game, we even formed our own clan inside the virtual world like everyone else was doing who was playing the game, we started to have scheduals, we had our own website and forum organizing things soon I was the clan co-leader and our clan was growing. my hours on the game started to increase more and more as my responsibialties inside the game also grew. I started to think about what I am going to do inside the game while I was at work. work slowly started to get less and less interesting everyday. my job was once so exciting and I always felt energatic and full of enthusiasmin now it seemed dull and boring. I stoped staying late at work, when it's five o'clock I am out of there, and if there was a business dinner I would be so upset about it because it meant i will be behind in the game. the game started owning me , more and more I used to get very high adrelanin rushes throught my body while playing specially if there is a fight between the clans or a big event. the game started consuming me and I didn't feel it. I started loosing wieght, and even going down the stairs I feel dizzy sometimers because of the little food I was eatung. suddenly I noticed I was living in a shell, which is the game and everything else seems to get in the way, not just work but eating and sleeping. I started to sleep less and less, I would sleep at 4 AM durring weekdays, wakeup at 9 AM go late for work, my manager wasn't very happy about this and complained many times but I didn't listen I just made up exscuses, he was a good friend so kept giving me chances and covering for me with the CEO because he beleaved in me, he knew what I once was and how I used to work so hard in the old company and knew that I should be able to get things toghether, but he was so wrong. for 2 years this continued, and even though I was always late for work I still worked hard durring those hours, but it was not hard enough because I was loosing focus half the time, now that I look at it I was like a drug-user, nothing more and nothing less. my mind was screaming with pain and exaustion from the lack of sleep and too much going on for too long, for 2 years I kept killing myself slowly, at work and at home. I even abused the weekends, which were thursday and friday for us, when I get back from work on wednesday I would keep playing till I fall apart and cannot see the computer screen anymore usually at thursday afternnon. then I collapse into my bed but I can't fall alseep for hours because my body is so exausted and worn-out while I keep thinking of the game, eventually I would fall asleep but only sleep a few hours before I wake-up again early friday morning and jump on the game again, then collapse again at 5 AM saturday morning to my bed then wake up a few hours later at 9 AM to goto work, feeling confused and tiered and not interested in work at all just wanting to sleep more. I would do this every weekend, I stoped calling my parents and they started getting worried about me but I told them everything is ok they wanted to come visit me but I said no, I didn't want anyone to come to my home and see me like this, I felt it was better if things continued as they are because I was also so into my addiction. eventually these crazy weekends started taking their toll on me and one weekend I just could not goto work on saturday morning, because after playing so much I could not sleep at all, and was feeling dizzy and my mind was racing with thoughts about the game, so I decided I should call sick, that was the first time I lied about being sick, I just wanted to relax I felt it was ok to do that because I was in no shape to go to work in my condition. so I slept that day durring the working hours, woke-up and continued playing, the next day I went to work as usuall. this started to happen more offten not every single week end but on average two times a month. co-workers started to visit me at home on such days to see how I am doing, they were worried about me , I lied to them and pretended to be sick. but I think they knew something was wrong. co-workers started to show me that they care, they were nice to me and they tried to understand what is going with my life, they knew I was staying late but they didn't know what I was doing, I lied to them I told them I was just chatting with online friends. it felt bad, but for me it was just another justification so I could continue my addiction. all their efforts failed and I continued doing what I was doing. one day I had one of those really bad weeekends, so bad I could not go to work for a second day, also calling sick. my client who was upset for me not showing up for two days in a row while there was a critical project with dealines underway urged me by phone to show up to work but I said I could not, it was imposible, he complained to my managers they tried to persuade me also but I told them I can't, I was so worn out I decided that maybe I need a break from work because I am not feeling well. so I asked my manager for leave without pay, he beged me not to do that, because they can't find another person to replace me in such a short notice and they have dealines for the project, but at the time I didn't care, I think all what I wanted was to stop working and spend more time on the game and sleeping, my job started to feel pointless to me since I have saved a decent amount of money anyway, so I told him I must go on unpayed leave wheather he likes it or not, that day I think I lost a good friend of mine, my old manager who always covered for me and protected me and helped me in my career. we would still be friends but not the same as we used to. so I got my unpayed leave as I wanted.

I left saudi arabia and moved in with my parents in jordan, I got my computer with me so I can play there too, I spent all my time playing and they quickly understood what is happening and what I didn't tell them. they knew I was addicted and sick and needed help, I denied it and just ignored them, but just to please them I saw a doctor a few times but didn't follow up much. after 3 months of playing, I decided to go back to work, so that I can get my parents off my back. so I went back this time I said to myself I will control how much time I spend on the game so that it won't distrupt my life, but again I was so wrong. it only took one month for my manager to notice that I am back to my old habbits again, and he told me upfront if you continue this road I cannot commit you to any projects specialy after what you did to the last one where you left us hanging by a thread. sadly I didn't listen, one day he called me up, and told me I'm sorry but I cannot cover you anymore, the CEO knows you are going late to work since the client sent a compalint letter, we are letting you go there is nothing I can do, it was only a month after going back to work and I didn't get payed for that month. instead of feeling sorry for myself I just felt everything is ok and afterall I could just play the game and nobody bothers me here, so I spent 4 months playing untill my residence in saudi arabia finished and I had to leave, so I picked up my stuff and my computer and headed again to my parents in jordan, continued to play games for another 4 months untill may parents went almost crazy, yelling and shouting at me everyday but I ignored everything they said untill out of the blue one day, 3 guys came to my room picked me up from my computer in my bejamas, and put me in a hospital as per my parents request.

at the hospital I felt so humiliated, and was angry at my parents. I refused to co-perate to the doctors, and they made me stay involitarily for a month, and after that told my parents to make sure I stay away from the internet for 6 months. even when I was out of the hospital, back at home I felt i was in jail. after living 3 years dependant on the internet, now I have to sneak out of the house and goto an internet caffee just to connect with my online friends and see how they are doing. my game account was still there waiting for me , i started feeling like I'm crazy, I had all these thoughts about the game racing through my mind all the time and I could not play not even for a minute because I could only do that from my PC where the game is installed and our house was disconnected from the internet as per the doctor's orders. I kept begging my parents for 6 months and I refused to do anything productive in my life, untill finally I started getting better and slowly my parents convinced me to seek work. luckly enough for for me , one of my co-workers opened a branch for my old company in jordan, I met him and things started to look bright again, I was sober for 6 months and now I back to work again. I felt a little rusty though after what I have bin through. sadly only after a few months at work I managed to convince my doctor and my parents to play the game again, you see I never lost my lust for the game and my account was still there waiting for me , and all my online friends where wondering where I was and so I managed to start playing again , but the doctor said I should play no more than 2 hours per day. but that was not enough for me , so I made a deal with my parents that I would play 4 hours every other day because the game activities cannot be done with less than 4 hours at a time. so I continued working and playing for a number of years, even though the hours where strick I was still thinking about the game while I was at work and most of the day anyway. even on the days where I was not playing I still secretly contacted my online friends by e-mail or forum just to plan things and organize things. I only lasted for 2 years working this company in jordan untill the manager had to stop my pay, because I was not perfomring very well, which is because of my lack in interest in work. in 2008 my parents and uncle persuaded me to go to egypt to see a famous doctor there, only it was a trick, after I landed in the airport I was taken to a hospital there , and stayed for 4 months of rehabitalation to get my life in order.

I got back from egypt, got back to work for 2 months with the same company I was in but no pay because they could not find me a project to work on, that was my manager's execuse, and I was not comfortable with the line of work I was in , so I decided to quit and find another job, today I am sober for year now, and been looking for a job for the past 5 months with no luck.

that's my story..

Post Edited (Akram) : 5/2/2009 2:39:41 AM (GMT-6)


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/2/2009 6:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Akram,

First, I want to congratulate you on having a year of sobriety from your addiction. I think that is wonderful, and it takes great strength and courage to achieve that. You should feel very proud of your accomplishment!

Second, I think this is a very candidly written, and very moving, account of your personal history and struggles with childhood abuse and online gaming addiction. You should also feel proud of the courage it took to write all of this down. I am in awe of your strength and willingness to share.

I’m very sorry about the sexual abuse and bullying that you experienced as a child. It’s so difficult growing up and being the shy, quiet one, and to feel that you attract predatory people because of your personality. It was the same for me in school, too, so I can relate to this. I also had incidents of abuse outside of school, in my own home. Looking back, I now know that I was vulnerable and needed protection from adults, and unfortunately that did not happen. I understand why you did not tell your parents and about your feelings of being ashamed. That is how I felt, too. I think that is one of the most tragic parts about being an abuse victim at any age……there is so much shame involved, it is excruciating to talk about with others, especially if it’s your parents that you have to confide in. As children, I think we try so hard to please our parents and have them think that we are successful, and I don’t know about you, but I actually worried about my parents being upset by my experience of abuse, and I wanted to protect them.

The mental torture that you went through in your teens brought tears to my eyes. It must have taken enormous strength to keep going, day after day, having that incessant taunting and cruelty from those other boys. The sad fact of the principal’s lack of understanding and disciplinary/remedial action must have added additional insult to an already painful situation. I am so sorry you were not granted justice after all that you went through.

It’s encouraging to read that you were able to have a life with friends and hobbies in college. Thank goodness you have had some happy times in this experience. I hope and pray, with all of my heart, that you will soon have good times like this again.

After reading about the struggles you went through as a newly-graduated employee, I can’t help but draw the connection between childhood and adulthood, and how we so often re-experience the troubles of youth when we get out there in the world. For you, it has mainly been in employment situations, and for me, it has mainly been in relationships. Either way, I do believe that we are handed these challenges repeatedly in life so that we can learn to overcome them. I hope that doesn’t sound cruel or unfeeling to you…..it is just my thought about patterns in life, in my efforts to understand it all and to find a reason for things being the way that they are. I have struggled with this myself for many years, and find some solace in the idea that we each have lessons to learn and obstacles to overcome on our journey back to God.

One of the difficult things about the current economy and job climate is that we often don’t have choices about moving for work, at least in certain fields, and it’s so hard to make a choice between living where you have a support system, and living where there is a job in your field of expertise. It sounds like the isolation you felt in Riyadh played a role in your depression and attraction to the online gaming. Even those of us who prefer to live alone need companionship and support in our lives, and it’s no wonder you became depressed, Akram. You had a lot of changes and adjustments to make in your life, after living through many experiences which negatively affected your self-esteem, and to do this alone and without adequate support would be a superhuman feat. It’s no wonder that you sought friendship and even escape in the gaming. Many of us become addicted to all sorts of things when we are in need of comfort or in need of escape from loneliness or pain……whether it is some form of substance abuse, or gambling, or illicit sex, or overeating, or exorbitant spending….the list goes on and on. You are not alone.

One of the saddest parts of an addiction, I think, is how it further isolates us from the world, when we are already in pain and in need of comfort from others. Finding something to fill the void is such a rewarding experience at first, and it is a fine line to cross between enjoyment and never getting enough. I am so very glad for you that you have had this year of sobriety…..I cannot express that enough.

I hope that you will continue to seek support, Akram, through our group here, and through your doctor and/or therapist. I do remember reading a comment from you somewhere on here about your frustration with therapists and how they focus so much on the meds, and I hope it will give you hope to know that I have found a good therapist who only recommends meds as a last resort. She is not opposed to them when necessary, of course, but is very supportive of alternative methods of healing as well. I wish you the very best in your efforts to heal and move on from your painful experiences, and I hope you know that you are in my prayers. Thank you again for sharing so much of yourself and your life with us.
Living one day at a time. 
 


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/2/2009 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Rania, first thank you for your kind words, and for taking the time to read this long and boring story of mine. I just want you to know that I still have some degree of hope from receiving some help from therapists and doctors, to be honest I know hospitalization was beneficial for me despite how much I resent it since it was involintary. I still do contact a therapist in egypt, she watched me for four months when I was there and offered me to call her on wednesdays to see how I am doing, I don't call every single wednesday though. when I do she mostly stresses that I must find a job immediatly though, that's all what she has to offer. So I guess thats what I have to do to improve things at the moment, she says that I seem fine now, and it's true I'm over what happened, it doesn't hurt as much as it used to, everyday brings a new hope of a great life ahead for me despite my dark past. offcourse I'm worried that I am not getting any younger I'm over 35 now but as they say it's never too late. I used to look at myself in the mirror and see a tortured, hurt person whos come back from the dead. everyone tells me I look more alive now compared to the years before, and I'm more in-tune with everyone, I enjoy conversations more with people now. I still have a lot to do, like going to the gym I haven't done that in many years I guess it was once a habbit but I lost my will to do that, or I got it out of my system, I also lost my love for coocking I used to enjoy that, all I do now is just make a simple soup or some eggs/sallad. my jounrey in re-building has only just started, and hopefully it shall continue.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/2/2009 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Akram,
 
Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. I also congratulate you on your sobriety from your addiction.  I have a tendency toward become adddicted to things and have worked hard throughout my life to fight off obsessions.  I do understand how you could become addicted to the internet.
 
What many people online who are addicted are probably suffering from is the desire to not want to deal with other problems in their lives. It is easy to get lost in the internet and to feel that you can find your happiness and friends online which feels easier then dealing in the real world.
 
The games are addicting as I had a membership and played for hours when I was in my deepest depression.  It kept me from feeling so alone.  I was playing 8-10 hours per day.  I actually finally got bored and had also run into some not so nice people and just cancelled my account.  I felt a form of loss when I quit but I had to face the fact that it was harming me and if I wanted to crawl back out of my depression I needed to get out of the house and live in the real world.
 
I am very proud of you for the progress you have made.  It sounds very difficult for you to meet people but I hope that changes for you.
 
You have mush to offer in the way of friendship so do start out slow and look for people that you enjoy being around.  Believe in yourself and do not let anyone else put you down.
 
You have my support and prayers.
 
I wish you peace and happiness,
Kitt
 
 
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
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Co-Moderator Depression
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Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/2/2009 6:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you kit, your words are very thoughtfull and sinsire. I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but what kind of online game was it that you were playing? I was playing an MMORPG (Massively multiplayer online role-playing game) similar to everquest and WOW ( world of warcraft ).

I'm kind of lucky I guess that I'm still alive I think, there are some horror stories out there with people end-up dead because of multi-player gaming, here is some examples:

www.dreamstation.cc/forums/index.php?s=dd500ae700bc176a10e7b353ce959d92&showtopic=9280&pid=83052&mode=threaded&start=#entry83052
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/4137782.stm
www.zonaeuropa.com/20060304_1.htm
pc.boomtown.net/en_uk/articles/art.view.php?id=4578
www.kensavage.com/archives/another-kid-dies-from-playing-online-game/

Strangly enough I heard about these stories while I was under my addiction but it never stoped me from playing at the time. it is strange how addiction makes you so blind and iresponsible.

word for parents, don't let your kids play MMORPGs, here is a small list of the ones I know of:

1. Everquest II
2. World of Worcraft (WOW)
3. Warcraft III
4. Starcraft
4. Final Fantasy XI online eddition
5. Legend of Mir III (Mir)

There is more but these are the ones I know about. WOW is the most popular one with like 6 million online players.

Post Edited (Akram) : 5/2/2009 7:47:34 PM (GMT-6)


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/2/2009 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Akram,

You are right....it's never too late. I have made the most progress in understanding and dealing with my depression in the years following my mid-thirties (I am now in my forties), and I am grateful for every new step that I take. It sounds like you have already made a lot of positive changes in your life, and I am sure there are more to come. There is always hope, so please.....never give up. Thank you for all that you are doing to help others by sharing your story. Just think of all the people you have helped by the number of views on this thread.....you may never know to what extent you have helped those who are struggling with similar issues. It's like a ripple effect on the consciousness of those who come here, and that's one of the most wonderful things about this forum.
Living one day at a time. 
 


struggling with life
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 5/4/2009 11:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Runescape was the game I hid from the word in. I havent played for about a year I think because I got too depressed for that. Although I am feeling so sad today I am tempted to go play.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/4/2009 11:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Struggling,

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you have been able to stay away from Runescape if it became a place to hide from the world, and hope that you are finding your way out of the depression. You say you are sad today, and I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you will feel comfortable to come back and post some more.....this is a really supportive place to talk.
Living one day at a time. 
 


struggling with life
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 5/4/2009 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks I just spent ages posting a new topic. I needed this today.

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 5/5/2009 1:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Akram,
 
That was long!! Anyway it was really good to hear your story.  I think that you have come a long way and done so well. Good luck with the job hunting, I hope that something comes up for you soon.
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/5/2009 4:59 AM (GMT -7)   

Akram,

I subscribed to and was playing all the AOL games every minute I could.  I was also talking with strangers in the game rooms, not good as I got wrapped up in the virtual world and hid out there for a long time.  I finally came to my senses and recognized that I was addicted so I closed my account.  I am a bit compulsive, LOL, and when I decide to make a move I will do it. So I did not think I just reacted and closed the account.  My way of cold turkey.

I looked at the online Casinos but thank goodness I was able to not sign up as I knew I would be doomed.

I did learn a lot of poker games...........oh my and I had over a million points. 

Hope this finds you well and I wish you peace,

Kitt

 


 

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Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/5/2009 3:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi kitt, It sounds odd to me that someone as wise, smart and producuctive as you would fall into those games, you must have had some dificult times as I guess like mine and others. I'm glad you closed your account and that you didn't indulge in online casinos, yes you could have been doomed :) I guess what this means is everyone could be vanrable at certain stages in his life for such things.

Confusedli, thank you for taking the time to read, I really appretiate it, as it took me a long time to sumarize all of the things I wrote down, I had to leave many details out specially in the end because it was getting really big and taking forever to finish hehe, well If you want to know more you can always ask :)

struggling with life, welcome to the forum I will have to read your new topic an respond there!

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