help! depressed and confused!

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confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 5/4/2009 11:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey everyone
 
The good news is that I finished my first year of optometry school. I'm so happy I went back and passed everything.
 
The bad news... I found out a few days ago my dad has a tumor in his liver :-( He was diagnosed w. Hep C a few years ago. Today or tomorrow we will find out if it's malignant or benign. I hope it's benign. My dad means the world to me :-( Whichever it is, he will schedule for surgery to get it removed. So I'm sad about that.
 
Another reason I'm sad.. I met a cute Jewish boy (I'm Christian) a few weeks ago during spring break. He also lives in FL. I didn't mind that he was Jewish. Eventhough I knew my parents would mind. He told me he's very attracted to me. I'm attracted to him too. We hit it off. We danced together and him and his friend bought my friends and I pizza after the club. I didn't go home w. him. He didn't ask me to which I admired. But the next night at midnight he asked me to go to his place to watch a movie and I told him sorry but I don't feel comfortable with that because I didn't know him that well. He said he understood. Then a few nights later he asked me again and I said no. Plus at the time I was studying for finals so I didn't go. Then a few days after I was done with finals I asked him if he wanted to come to my place to watch a movie. He said he was kind of tired but then later on that night (at 1 am) he texted me telling me he would come after he goes out with his friend because he had promised his friend he'd go out w. him. He came to my place at 4 am. His friend dropped him off. We had fun but I told him no sex since we weren't in a relationship. He slept over. We didn't have sex. We cuddled and kissed and talked about alot fo things. I had to drop him off to his friend's place the next morning since his car was there. Anyways, a few nights later I asked him again if he wanted to come over. He said he would. I was really lonely because most of my friends had gone home already.. but I stayed in FL because I had promised one of my friends I would go to her graduation from undergrad the following week. So I was lonely and drinking by myself watching TV. He came over and we hung out and we drank. We ended up sleeping together. He had brought condoms (which surprised me). He told me he wasn't ready to be in a relationship because he had just gotten out of one. He seemed like a very sweet guy and told me he wanted to be friends. I told him what we did that night was a mistake since we aren't in a relationship and he agreed. Well after he left, I felt guilty about what I had done and I just assumed he would ignore me forever. I went to the beach by myself since my few friends who were still in town couldn't come w. me. They were busy. I texted him a few times at the beach asking if he had fun and if we could hang out again. He didn't respond. I immediately got scared and thought he was ignoring me. My obsessivenss/clingyness and insecurity was starting again. I knew it but I felt like I couldn't control it. I started panicking thinking he was ignoring me but he was actually napping that evening. He texted me saying that he's annoyed by me and that I need to stop texting so much. He also said that he's not running away and that we're friends. I said ok and sorry and that I'm just lonely and sad.
 
Then later that day I asked him if he wanted to come over. He said no. I said why not? He said because he's not very fond of me right now. I said ok. Then I just started crying and texted him begging him to come over because I really wanted to see him. He didn't respond. I kept texting him asking if he could please come over and if he could please forgive me about the previous day. He didn't respond. Then he called me calling me a psycho and that he doesn't want to be my f** friend anymore and he hung up on me. I started crying hysterically and texted him telling him I'm not psycho and that I'm really sorry. And I told him I was so sad I just felt like dying. I told him I just wanted to see him and that I felt lonely. He didn't respond. He just blocked me from texts and from facebook. Then the next morning my mom told me about my dad and I had a breakdown. She booked a flight for me later that day. I'm at home now. I left the guy a voicemail telling him I won't contact him anymore and that I'm not psycho.. just depressed and I told him what happened w. my dad. He then called me 4 times but I didn't answer . He then texted me calling me a psycho b**** and said he doesn't care what happens in my life and he told me to get a hobby. After I read that text I started crying hysterically thinking to myself that I ruin everyones life. Eventhough I know that's not true. I have many close friends. I just couldn't stop crying. I then texted him saying that I'm not psycho and that I won't contact him. He can contact me when he actually cares about my life like my other friends do. He didn't say anything. I also sent his friend who I met that night we went out an e-mail telling him what happened with Isaac and asking him if he can please talk to Issac for me and ask him to please forgive me. And saying that I really missed him and like him. His friend never responded. Do you think if he's a nice guy he'll apologize one day? The guy from my high school reunion ignored me for 2 months but now he's talking to me again but I don't respond. I'm not a standby girl. Anyways I made an appointment to talk to my psychiatrist because I'm depressed with my dad and I know I have an attachment issue with guys after sex.. and giving myself too fast. I knew he liked me. I liked him too. Now I scared him away. He wasn't ready for a relationship but we were friends and he was open to dating me in the future. I want to get him back. I miss him. I'm so sad. I also want my dad to be ok. Please give me advice. Thank you!
 
Crying all the time and don't want to get out of the house :-(

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 5/4/2009 12:37:11 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 5/4/2009 11:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,

This seems to happen to you over and over again. You have to give people space. He might not come back to you but there will be others, and try not to over text them. It can drive somebody crazy. And that is why they respond the way they do to you. I am only telling you the truth because I care about you. You have to give people space, especially men.

I am glad that you didn't sleep with him right away. That goes to show you have some control over yourself. But I guess that the texting got to him. He probably feels like you are a stalker or something. So try to refrain from that from now on. People have lives of their own and things that they need to do. They will spend time with you when they can. But you don't want somebody who is there every second for you either, that would be boring.

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I hope that the tumor is not malignant. I am glad that he is getting it removed. Let us know what happens.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


struggling with life
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 5/4/2009 12:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I know how hard it is when you just want to keep texting over and over just to try to explain things - to make things right. It's a quick release from the angst when you send a text - but it is short lived and you only ever feel worse afterwards. You worry if they do reply or if they don't. Have you thought about the reasons behind your sending so many texts? Are you just doing it to punish yourself? To make it hurt more and to make the relationship end?

I know that is why I have done it before. But I learnt the hardway that there are times when you need to stop yourself. It only ever scares people off.

I am new to this forum so hope I haven't overstepped my boundries. I hope that you feel better soon.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/4/2009 4:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,

First of all, let me congratulate you on getting through your first year of optometry school. That is so great!!!! I hope you feel a wonderful sense of accomplishment, because you should. Good for you.

Secondly, I want to offer you my sympathies about the situation with your dad. I pray that the tumor is benign, and that the surgery to remove the tumor will go smoothly.

Re: the situation with Isaac……it sounds like things started off alright. The place in your post where I see things going astray is when you invited him over for the second time. I think, perhaps, that you should have waited for an invitation from him, since your last time together was on your initiative. I realize that you were probably trying to make up for the times when you had to say ‘no’ to spending time with him prior to that, but I feel safe in saying that most men prefer to have a bit of a challenge, and they often get turned off by a woman who hands herself over on a silver platter. I say this from personal experience, believe me. And I do know……very well……the pain you are going through. No one likes to be taken for granted, and no one likes to be rejected after putting their heart on the line.

I’m glad that he brought condoms when you slept together. Thank goodness for that. I’m assuming by the wording of your post that he told you AFTER you had sex that he wasn’t interested in having a relationship. That must have hurt, and I’m so sorry.

After this sexual encounter, you said that you assumed that he would ignore you forever, and yet you texted him a few times, after which he did not respond. Please understand that I am not judging you…..I feel so badly for you, and I truly know where you’re coming from……but I must say that when you call/email/text a man and he does not respond, you have to let it go after that. If he is interested, he will call/email/text you back. Your instincts were telling you that he would ignore you, and your instincts were right. Always trust your gut instincts, my friend….they will not steer you wrong. I say this from one woman to another, having been there myself in the past. It’s a very painful place to be.

I think you probably realize that emailing Isaac’s friend was inappropriate. You and Isaac did not have enough time or opportunity to establish a relationship, and unfortunately, you had sex before you had a chance to really know each other. You seem like a very loving and sensitive person, Confused, and you deserve MUCH better than what Isaac was offering you.

Please don’t continue to torture yourself with guilt and all the “what ifs”. The situation with Isaac is in the past now, and I hope you can find a way to let it go as you heal from this painful experience. Try to remember that a man will wait for physical intimacy if he truly cares for you. Also remember that most men enjoy a bit of the chase, and like to initiate the calling/texting/emailing, etc., especially in the early stages. I realize that I’m older than you, but I don’t think that the nature of men and women has changed all that much.

I hope you know that I don’t mean to be harsh in my suggestions to you…..I really feel for you, and want to help you. I’m glad that you have an appointment with your psychiatrist, and I really hope you will gain some comfort and perspective from that.

I wish you the very best, Confused, and hope you will feel comfortable to come back and post again.
Living one day at a time. 
 


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 5/4/2009 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you to both of you.

He was a good guy. He told me from the beginning that he wasn't ready for a relationship. After we slept together he told me he'd call me later that day.. but I texted him before that. I should have waited. The reason I was texting was because I was worried he was ignoring me. I also wanted to get the situation settled. Do you think he'll ever contact me again? :-(


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/4/2009 5:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,

I know this will sound awfully blunt, but I feel that I need to be honest with you about this. I don't think this person is worthy of your time or attention. You said that after you told him about your father's situation, and the fact that you were depressed, he continued to call you a psycho b* and told you he didn't care what happened in your life. That is abusive behaviour, Confused, and trust me.....you do not want to be with any man who calls you names like that or says he doesn't care about events in your life that are important to you. You deserve MUCH better than that.
Living one day at a time. 
 


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 5/5/2009 2:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Confusedgirl,

Well done on finishing your first year! Yay!

I think you need to relax a bit more. Have you ever tried any relaxation techniques?

Do you have many female friends? It seems to me that your very insecure and cling on to people that aren't really worth you clinging too. Have you had any counselling?

He probably won't contact you again and if he does, you should ignore him, he isn't worth your attention.
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 5/5/2009 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi. No. I have not tried any relaxation techniquest. I do have alot of female friends.

I'm just hoping that he contacts me again. I miss him alot. :-( I know I have some symptoms of love addiction and I'm going to see my counselor for that this week. The main symptoms I have is that I don't enjoy my own comany, I become dependant on the other person, I get obsessed after sex, and if the person leaves I think it's the end of the world. I want to try to change.

And most importantly, I'm just praying for my dad.

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 5/5/2009 7:51:32 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 5/5/2009 7:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,

As you can see the members here don't think that this guy is worth it. He said some very hurtful things to you. So kick his butt to the curb and you will find somebody who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. With respect.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 5/5/2009 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   

I know he said hurtful things, but it's my fault he said those things. I made him upset by acting clingy. I read an article that decreased seratonin levels can cause obsession. I'm seeing my counselor on Friday to see if I can take a larger dose of zoloft. Right now I'm taking 100 mg/day. I know what my problem is. :-( I need to be happy with myself so I don't become dependant on another person to be happy. Here is the passage from the article I found. I hope this helps anyone who is also going what I'm going through. I hate my own company. I feel empty and alone. :-(

Excerpt from http://www.everything.com/article.aspx?requested_url=roots-love-addiction

The biological chemistry associated with the emotion of love is real, complex, and amazing. Dopamine, norepinephrine, testosterone, phenylethylamine (PEA), and serotonin levels are all associated with the emotion of love. When an individual is feeling romantic, the levels of dopamine increase in the brain’s nucleus accumbens and caudate nucleus, and in the ventral tegmental area. This is the region of the brain that forms the reward network that has been discussed in previous chapters.

You may recall that this area of the brain is heavily associated with cravings and addictions. It might even be said that increased dopamine levels act like a “love potion.” When a person’s need for love goes unmet, elevated dopamine levels lead to cravings that intensify with the unavailability of a partner. Additionally, dopamine stimulates an elevation in testosterone levels that increase sexual desire.

Norepinephrine comes into play by providing energy, feelings of euphoria, and the ability to imprint this wonderful love experience into long-term memory. Remember, having a rewarding experience available in our memory banks serves as a trigger to want more and more. An interesting chemical phenomenon that occurs simultaneously with the rise in dopamine, PEA, norepinephrine, and testosterone is a drop in serotonin levels. The decreased serotonin levels lead to the obsessive qualities associated with love. All else may be forgotten in the pursuit of the love object.

 


Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 5/5/2009 10:16:20 AM (GMT-6)


blueboy83
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 5/5/2009 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Confused, I really feel for you but when a guy says horrible things like that, he does not care about you. You may have come on strong and that probably scared him away. However, it is not your fault because of the depression. When your depressed you don't think very clearly, and you can only realize that after you come out of it. He will not be back, and it is best to leave it be. Focus on your family and yourself. See your psychiatrist and talk to somebody about the situation. Remember, your in the midst of a fog right now but it WILL clear.
undefined


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 5/5/2009 12:16 PM (GMT -7)   
ok. I will let it be. But how do you know he won't be back? Something similar has happened before with 2 other guys and they came back.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 5/5/2009 4:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,

I guess you can tell if the guy is a creep if he only wants to see you to sleep with you. I know that things were mutual, but I would wait for him to contact you. I guess if you really like him, you should give him space. You are always in a hurry in a relationship, and you come off as a needy person. When you do the texting I mean. Have faith in yourself, use some restraint and let him contact you. I don't think he deserves you with all the stuff that he said to you when you were depressed. I wonder if you feel like you deserved it. Because you don't. I wish that you could see that. I know that some day you will, but until then, what will you endure? It is like having a daughter and having to watch her learn the hard way. And not being able to do anything to stop it. Oh well, that is life. You will learn, I just hope that you don't let yourself get hurt too much along the way. And I will always be here to write to you.

Take care of you. Learn, live and take life one day at a time Confused.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/5/2009 4:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi confused, first I'm sorry to hear about your father, I hope that the surgery is successfull and that his tumor is only benign. and also congradulations on finishing your your optometry school.

about Isaac , he might be back yes that could be a possibility, and if it happens you should ignore him. I think he was just interested to have sex with you, without any attachements. and when he had what he wanted and noticed your getting obsessive about him with all the text messages, so he decided to use bad language to stop you from contacting him again. you need to be realistic now and try to find a way to forget him and heal like the others suggested, you deserve someone so much better than him. it's clear he doesn't care about your life or what happens to you and doesn't want to hear from you again, so stop being obsesive and forget about him it will only hurt you more if you continue this road.

I hope that you won't find what I said offending, remeber you don't know him very well and he might be sleeping with someone else at the moment, he might be hiding things from you and wants some privacy. there is many posibilaties I guess to as why he did that to you but it's clear he is not interested in you anymore so you need to accept that. once you do you can start healing so you can look for love again.

I hope you continue you tell us how you are doing, good luck to you in school and your love life.


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 5/5/2009 5:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you so much.

I still don't know if it's benign or malignant but I'm praying it's benign.

I feel like I deserve what Isaac said to me. The day after we slept together he told me he wasn't going anywhere and would be my friend. But my getting obsessive drove him away. I don't think he just wanted sex. He told me that is not what he was after. He told me he cared about me as a person and wanted to be friends. And maybe one day he'd be open to a relationship.

Anyways, I hope he contacts me again. I know I have some symptoms of love addiction and co-depenance. I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist on Friday to try to work on these issues because I want to find a healthy relationship and I don't want to push anyone away. I will try to forget about him but I do miss him. For now, I am focusing on my dad. Thank you everyone.



Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/5/2009 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
no confused YOU DON'T DESERVE WHAT HE SAID TO YOU, sorry to put it in big letters but I need to stress this, you are just feeling confused about this.. Please look back again and try to reflect on what happened it's NOT YOUR FAULT!, you sent him a few obsesive messages so what? he could have handeled it in a better way but he didn't did he? he could have said "please stop" but he didn't , He made it clear he doesn't care about you, or what happens to your father, he called you a psyco on 2 occasions, but your not really a psyco, you don't deserve to be called names or stuff like that. nobody has the right to use bad language to you like this. if he contacts you again after a while it's only because he propably wants to have more attachment-free sex. I know what I said might be direct and hurting, but I believe it's the truth of the situation, and you just need to deal with what happened and move on. and don't send him any further text messages or call him, if he does call and appologize just be carefull and take your time don't let him again in your life untill you are very sure he deserves it. Bu honestly I Don't think he does deserve anything from you anymore after what happened.

good luck with the psychiatrist, tell him/her everything you are feeling and what he said and see how he/she will respond to this, let us know how it goes and any new news about your father we are all very concerned..

Post Edited (Akram) : 5/5/2009 7:36:45 PM (GMT-6)


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 5/5/2009 7:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Well I think I still deserve it. He said please stop at first. But then like 15 minutes later I apologized and asked when we could talk again. That's when he called me psycho.
Then the next morning I was in tears and told him about my dad in a voicemail. Then he called me a psycho**** who doesn't care about what goes on in my life. Do you still think that I don't deserve this?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 5/5/2009 8:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes we still think that he should have just kept ignoring you or politely said "no more" and then ignored you. I don't think he should have called you all these names. A gentleman would walk away from a situation like that instead of calling you and calling you names.

I don't know why he did the things that he did. Maybe he is psycho. Who really knows. How many times did you text him Confused? And how often?

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 5/5/2009 9:03 PM (GMT -7)   
I texted him about 6 or 7 times during the day after we had sex. I was worried about him. I was asking things like are you ok? Are you ignoring me? I hope you're ok. Do you want to hang out again? I thought he was ignoring me. Then when he told me to stop the next day and said he was taking a nap after work I said ok. Then like 12 hours later I asked him if he wanted to come over. He texted no. Then I texted why not? He texted that he isn't very fond of me right now. Then that's when I started crying hysterically and texted him about 4 times. Asking when will he be fond of me? Can he please come over? And he got annoyed that I asked. He told me to stop and he said it's best that we don't talk for awhile. After he said that I just got this empty feeling inside and just starting crying. It was like a panic attack. Then I texted him that I was lonely and kept crying and if he could just tell me when we could talk? I also texted a few times saying i'm sorry over and over saying that I just was lonely and I won't do it again. That's when he got scared and called me telling me he doesn't want to be friends and called me psycho. I was crying all night. And I texted a few times telling him I was crying and felt alone and empty inside. That's when he blocked my texts. The next morning I found out the news about my dad and left him a voicemail telling him everything about my dad. I told him how the past few days I was lonely because most of my friends had already gone home for summer break. And that I was depressed and not being myself and thought he was ignoring me due to my past situations with guys ignoring me after sex. I told him I felt like dying because I was so sad. Then he called me 4 times and I didn't answer. Then he texted me telling me I have issues, that I'm a psycho***** and that he doesn't care what goes on in my life. Then I texted him saying that I'm not psycho, just depressed and he can call me when he's interested in my life like my other friends are. Do you stil think that I don't deserve what he said?

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 5/5/2009 10:12:52 PM (GMT-6)


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/5/2009 9:13 PM (GMT -7)   
confused, ok maybe you over texted him, but now what happened has happened, you don't need to feel guilty about it just make sure you don't do that thing again to him or anyone, blaming yourself and guilt trips won't benefit you or anyone. but it's clear that the guy isn't looking for a relationship too, and he doesn't want to be with you. relax and let it go there is no point to keep thinking about it , what is done is done, now time to move on, no guilt trips ok? just try to learn and reflect from what happened.. anyway good luck to you


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 5/5/2009 9:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks. I just hope he contacts me again. Do you think he might one day?

Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/5/2009 9:20 PM (GMT -7)   
maybe, but I would not worry too much about it and would try to get on with my life. you must consider that he may not ever contact you again, it's very possible. and to be honest he seems to be more interested to have sex with you than get to know you, thats shallow.. don't you think?


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 5/5/2009 9:33 PM (GMT -7)   
He really did want to get to know me. He wasn't a bad guy.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 5/5/2009 10:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Okay Confused,

But I still would wait for him to text or call you before I bothered him again.

Talk to that psychiatrist about it. Or your counselor. Get some perspective on this whole thing. Whether he was a bad guy or a good guy, he still disrespected you. And you didn't deserve that treatment. It is up to you, we can't tell you what to do, we can only give you an objective opinion. We don't think that you should put up with this kind of treatment, and that is that, my dear. You can convince yourself of whichever, but until you get your self esteem built up and stop being codependent and addictive, which you yourself said that you were, you wont be happy in any relationship.

You have to feel secure whether you are with them or talking to them or texting them or not. If you continue to text and call, they will think that you are stalking them.

We care about you, and want you to get help with this personality disorder. You know that you can. And you know that you can get over this. But it takes work and committment. To start with don't text him until he texts you first. We think you should ignore him, but I know that you wont. So I am trying to help you to not scare him away again. Though you probably should. He isn't good enough for you.

That is all that I can think of for now. You make your own choices. We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


blueboy83
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 5/6/2009 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
hey confused girl, just checking in to see how everything is going. hope all is better for you today. I know it takes time, but you'll feel good soon.
undefined

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