Depression due to past abuse TW

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Tinamarie
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 5/7/2009 8:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I was abused for years by my step father.  I've had several surgeries in the last few years due to internal damage.  I found out last year that it was nothing short of a miracle that I carried a child full term...my only child who is such a blessing to me.
 
I've just gone thru another major set of surgeries.  I had an appt with him this week because I felt something inside.  Sure enough another part is weakened....an area he repaired 5 yrs ago.  At this time, surgery isn't an option (not that I want it, I just dont want to feel this anymore...I want to be fixed once and for all)  I'm just so distraught.  I'm still trying to heal from the last round of surgeries and complications, now this.  How are you supposed to move on when there are constant reminders? 
 
Sorry if I wasn't supposed to write stuff like this here.....I don't know if it was ok or not
 
Thank you for listening,
 
Tina
01/12/04 surgery to repair prolapsed bladder, partial hysterectomy
12/11/08 surgery to repair prolapsed intestines, bowel, rectum (enterocele, rectocele & intussusception)
12/12/08 surgery to find source of bleeding, hemotoma in muscle behind vaginal wall (down to 7 hemoglobin)
12/13/08 gelfoam embolism to stop bleeding (still at 7 hemoglobin)
12/30/08 surgery temp ileostomy and rectal stent due to rectovaginal fistula
03/18/09 surgery to reverse ileostomy.
 
Currently dealing with severe colitis, taking on a daily basis: 2 Canasa Supp, 4 packets of Questran, 2 Immodium tablets, 1000 mg Omega 3 tablet
 
PTSD, depression, migraine headaches, gastritis, colitis and anxiety disorder
 
 
~~Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall~~
 
~~Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness to pull another hand into the light~~



Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/7/2009 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tina,

I'm so sorry for all the trauma (physical and emotional) that you've had to endure. Living through abuse is painful enough without having physical complications and reminders as a result. You have my deepest compassion in your suffering.

You must be an incredibly strong, resilient person, Tina. I'm glad to know that you have a child, whom you love and cherish, and who is a blessing in your life.

There are people out there who have survived this kind of trauma and found hope again in their lives. One person who comes to my mind is Louise Hay. She is a very well-known author and speaker who grew up with physical and sexual abuse....and she attributes her trial with cervical cancer to the abuse she experienced and the deep anger and sadness she held inside herself. Perhaps reading her life story or some of her material would be helpful to you. I believe her website address is louisehay.com.

I have spent a lot of time in therapy myself, dealing with the emotional damage that resulted from my own childhood abuse, and it has helped me a lot. Do you see a counselor, or have a doc who could refer you to someone?

I'm glad you posted about your situation, and I hope you will keep coming back. There are a lot of really supportive people here. I wish you well.
 
"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves."  ~ Mahatma Gandhi


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 5/7/2009 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Tina,
I am so sorry to hear of your ordeal. I'm not sure we ever get completely past it. We just have to face every painful memory as it comes up & bravely choose to move forward with our lives.

I haven't been through anything nearly as horrible as you, but I was brutally beaten as a child. I had several bones broken & my parents refused to even acknowledge anything was wrong, much less take me to the emergency room. As a result, I have several crooked bones, partially healed bones, unhealed fractures, etc., etc., etc. It is hard, especially when it comes time for yet another surgery, to not become bitter at the memory of it all. I have tried switching doctors, not telling them about my past, and so on, but they always seem to figure it out whenever they look at an x-ray or MRI & confront me with their tricky little comments like "frances, there is really only one way a fracture like this could have occurred" -- arrggghh! don't remind me! But I, personally, refuse to let HIM win by crippling me & keeping me from reaching my dreams. The bitterness is great, but our resolve is greater.

You made it through so many horrible days growing up. You've made it thus far in your adult life & have a beautiful family to show for it. I'd say you are winning hands down! Keep hanging in there & please let us know if there is anything I or any other member can do to support you. I think your post was well within the Forum Rules, but if you ever feel you'd benefit from sharing more of your story, please feel free to email me. :)

peace,
frances

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 5/7/2009 1:32 PM (GMT -7)   

i wish I had an answer for you.  My heart goes out to you and anyone that has been in your situation.  Be strong, never give up finding a way to rid yourself of this bad memory.  Love your child and yourself and never lose faith.  Perhaps you can turn this experience into a way to help others.

And remember what we learned in the movie "Legally Blonde".........."never let one stupid _ _ _ _ _

ruin your life"!

Gem


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 5/7/2009 3:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tina,

I just want you to know that we are here to support you and help you through this. I think that we have to acknowledge the past before we can move on. I think this is a way of reminding you that there is a way to continue to heal. I know that this is very difficult for you with all of the reminders, but you will get through this with our help.

Are you seeing a counselor at all? That might be something that you might want to think about. You could definately use the support.

I hope that things get easier for you.

Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen

And no you didn't break any rules. Just as long as you are not descriptive of the events. We are here for you...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/7/2009 4:51 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello tina,

Glad to have you with us and know that you have joined a wonderful forum.  The members here are warm and caring and you will find lots of support.

I am saddened to hear you story.  Please stick with us and we will help you heal.

Sincerely

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
  Forums
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Tinamarie
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 5/7/2009 10:24 PM (GMT -7)   
I just wanted to say how much I appreciate everything that everyone has said. I can't tell you what your words have meant to me. Thank you so much for all your kindness and support.

Tina
01/12/04 surgery to repair prolapsed bladder, partial hysterectomy
 
12/11/08 surgery to repair prolapsed intestines, bowel, rectum (enterocele, rectocele & intussusception)
12/12/08 surgery to find source of bleeding, hemotoma in muscle behind vaginal wall (down to 7 hemoglobin)
12/13/08 gelfoam embolism to stop bleeding (still at 7 hemoglobin)
**Received 8 units of blood & 2 units of platelets during these 3 days**
 
12/30/08 surgery temp ileostomy and rectal stent due to rectovaginal fistula
 
03/18/09 surgery to reverse ileostomy.
 
Currently dealing with severe colitis, taking on a daily basis: 2 Canasa Supp, 4 packets of Questran, 2 Immodium tablets, 1000 mg Omega 3 tablet
 
PTSD, depression, migraine headaches, gastritis, colitis and anxiety disorder
 
 
~~Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall~~
 
~~Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness to pull another hand into the light~~



stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/8/2009 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Tina,

Good Morning and I am just stopping in to wish you a peaceful day and to let you know I am thinking of you.   I am glad you received such a warm and caring response from the members.

You deserve to be treated with love and respect so reach for the stars as they are truly yours for the picking.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
  Forums
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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