Hello, this is Kitt. I feel so bad for you as I had my first major anxiety/depression episode when my oldest son went off to the Marines right after he graduated H.S. I still had 3 children at home and thought I was fine with it but the empty next syndrome hit me right over the head.
I learned after that to prepare myself for reality but it sounds like you have just the one and you are already missing him.
When my youngest went off to college I took the venture with him and loved going to the campus to visit. It was a 5 hour drive for me but I enjoyed every single visit and the year he was homecoming king I was there along with his sister and we cried with joy and pride. So start planning your trips and remember he will always be your son. You had him first now you are just sharing him with the world.
Coming here and talking to us is a wonderful way to get your feelings out there. Make sure you tell that young man how much you will miss him and that you will be visiting.
It is often difficult reaching milestones but remember exciting times are ahead for both of you.
Hi ZT, I had those feelings when my youngest son went off to college over 2000 mi. away. It was not easy to visit him and the vacations were the best but I would get all sad when he left. I think what you are experiencing is a normal feeling. I think the best thing to do is keep yourself busy and find hobbies, sports, anything that you enjoy and maybe ask a friend to join you. You mention your oldest son is graduating. Does that mean you have other children at home? If so why not concentrate on helping them with their activities or school work. I missed my son terribly even though I had another son at home and my elderly mother was living with us. My oldest son still lives with me and I wish I could get him independent and in his own place. He is 35 and has epilepsy so he has never wanted to go away from home. But at my age I am not going to be around forever and the truth is I would like to have my home to myself at this point. So one day you may get your son back when all you want is to have your own place. Life can be very complicated. Let us know how you are doing and adjusting. We are all here for you and always willing to listen and help you through this time. Take care.
We used to call that feeling melancholy. Try to stay in the moment and enjoy each moment you are with your son not worrying about the what if's and what will happen tomorrow.
Tom, Kitt is right - you should enjoy all your moments with your son before he is off to school. Will he be going far away? If he will not be too far away you can take weekends to go visit him. Almost all schools have a parents weekend in the fall and you can look forward to visiting him then. Also, if you are taking him to school leave a few days ahead and make a little trip out of it. You can help him set up his dorm room and go shopping for the things he needs. I know how you feel as I have been there. Somehow you do get used to it but it is important to enjoy all the times that you do have together. You still did not mention if you have other children. The title of your post says "oldest child" so I am thinking you have other children or at least one more. If you do have others then do spend the time with them and enjoy their company and help them with their activities. The busier you keep yourself, the easier the time is and the easier it will be to adjust to this. I am thinking about you and wishing you the very best.
Hi Tom, I am not too familiar with what is involved with coaching but it is easier on you than actually playing the sport. I think this is a great thing to do and you will meet the other kids parents. Try to organize social activities after certain games such as at Haloween or at Xmas. Kids really look up to their coaches and that helps you with knowing the parents. My son played hockey for years and it was like a real social outlet for me as I am divorced too. I am trying to think of things you can join without doing the bar scene. That is not a good thing. What about joining a book discussion group at your library where you all read a certain book and then gather once a month to have a discussion. I used to work in a library and the book groups were very popular, both male & female members together. Also, what about taking a class? Is there anything you are interested in that would be a fun thing to do - computers, photography, cooking? Does your town have a volunteer fire department where you can help out? Also, I live in a big city and there are gourmet clubs where people sign up and go out to different restaurants. I am just making suggestions here for you to try to help you find your niche. As far as your daughter, if she wants to live with you she is old enough to make that decision herself. It would mean following through with it legally and maybe now is not the time to upset her mother. I know how it is to be divorced and sad and lonely. I have been divorced 25 yrs. and my sons were babies at the time. I had no support group or friends to confide in and it was a hard time. So if I can help you in some small way I will be happy for you. Take care.