It sounds like he really cares about
you. I'm glad you have someone in your life who loves you.
I would encourage you to talk to a counselor about
your feelings, because counselors/therapists are trained to help you get the words out in a comfortable way, even when you are struggling. I have been seeing a therapist for a while now, and she has helped me a lot.
It sounds like you really want to help yourself, and that is the first and most important step.
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." ~Jalal ad-Din Rumi