Do you feel like a Martian....also posted on Crohn's forum.

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yellowfin43
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 305
   Posted 5/17/2009 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   
When I am out in public like at the grocery store or with friends at a casino I feel like I stand out. I weigh 140lbs and am slightly bent over because of arthritis in my back. Sometimes I limp because of arthritis in my knees or feet. When I look around it seems like everyone looks so healthy and over weight. It really makes me self conscious. I feel like a Martian sometimes.  I'm also single now and I have been for over a year. The women that once smiled and flirted with me now hold a door open for me. I used to be the life of the party. I'm still happy inside and I like who I am but there is no doubt that people treat me differently now that I've lost weight and don't have a skip in my step.  I want so much to meet someone new to spend time with but I feel like I don't have a chance in hell because of my appearence. I grew up being told that women just want a nice guy. That may be true but I've learned that he must be rapped in a pretty package too. When and if my Crohn's goes back into remission and I get back in shape, I will never feel the same about the values people put on others. Don't get me wrong, I've never been mistreated or made fun of at all. People are very kind in that respect but now that I've been on both sides of the "good looks" fence I"ve learned something profound about the "skin deep" philosophy. Thanks for giving me a place to bare my soul. Tony
Crohns 30 years. Ileostomy for 15 years. Symptom free for 14 years until 8 months ago. Now on Remicade, B-12 injections and iron. Feeling much better!
God Bless. Tony


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/17/2009 8:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tony,

I can relate to what you’re saying, as far as feeling that you don’t have the same appeal (physically speaking) that you used to. I have degenerative disc disease, and cannot do a lot of the things that I used to. I used to be very active, working out all the time and going dancing in clubs, etc., and although I do exercise as much as I can now (usually in the form of walking and swimming), I have put on some extra pounds because of my inability to do as much as I used to, and I often have to stop activities with others before I’d like to, which others do notice. Like you, I’m still happy with who I am on the inside, but I also realize there are those in the world who make assessments based on appearance.

That being said, you’ve made some points in your post that hold an important message: “I will never feel the same about the values people put on others…” and “…now that I’ve been on both sides of the “good looks” fence I’ve learned something profound about the “skin deep” philosophy.” There are other people in the world who feel the same way, probably as a result of similar experiences, and I feel very confident in saying that there is someone special out there who will love you for who you are, on the inside and the outside. It takes time, and I do believe that the timing is not up to us, but is a part of a greater plan that we’re not necessarily privy to. Please don’t give up hope….I can tell by your posts that you are a deep thinker who appreciates the simple pleasures in life, and those are very attractive and heartwarming qualities to a lot of people out there.

Best wishes to you…..keep the faith, and above all else, keep appreciating who you are.
 

 

 

“The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” ~Marcus Aurelius


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/17/2009 11:34 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Tony,

Hey there this is Kitt :).  My husband has Crohn's and I am wondering if you have the ankylosing spondylitis?

My husband has  lost alot of weight and has the arthritis too and now people refer to him as to thin and he is self conscious of this.  He was always muscular and used to weight 180s but now he will drop to 159 sometimes when things are tough and he is 6 feet tall.

I understand how you must feel. I have a skin condition and feel like I really stand out when next to others with nice skin and no blemishs. I want to wear long sleeves and long slacks always.................I have had skin cancer and had 5 areas removed.

Physical beauty is no guarantee of good character.  I suspect that you will meet someone again and start to date.  Do not be afraid of rejection as it is only one little word "no" and since when do we let the word no stop us.  You keep on putting yourself out there and people will see the goodness and kindness in your heart and know you for who you are not what you look like.

I am so glad to read that you do know your the same person inside you have always been, full of fun and enjoying the good things in life.  Bless you.

RE Martians, I  kind of like green men,  I am tired of the Blue Men thow............ LOL

Hugs to you my friend,

Kitt


 

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Post Edited (stkitt) : 5/17/2009 12:37:56 PM (GMT-6)


yellowfin43
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 305
   Posted 5/17/2009 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt, I have had several x-rays over the past 7 years and they say it's not AS. It started in my neck several years ago, very painful spasms and so forth. Now I have no pain but my neck is frozen. I cant turn it side to side or up and down. My doctor seems to think physical therapy would return some of the mobility but I haven't done that yet. Like your husband, I was very athletic all my life until around 2001. I weighed around 170 most of the time. Now I've lost alot of my muscle mass from lack of excersize and it's a bitter pill to swallow. Almost all of my friends have complimented me at some point about how well I have dealt with this change in my life. What they don't know is how I feel deep down when I take the time to ponder it all. It's not that I'm hiding my true feelings from them, I think it's more that I'm hiding them from me. When my arthritis started, my social life went into the ditch .....quickly. It really affected my self image. I've had my share of pity parties but I think I'm finally ready to accept all this and be more positive about things. At least I'm going to try. Thanks for your response. Tony
Crohns 30 years. Ileostomy for 15 years. Symptom free for 14 years until 8 months ago. Now on Remicade, B-12 injections and iron. Feeling much better!
God Bless. Tony


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18765
   Posted 5/17/2009 11:45 PM (GMT -7)   
tony, thx for your post, you are u, and in time you will meet the right one. continue being you, thx for your honesty in your post. jamie, male 37. glad u are feeling better.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/18/2009 4:59 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning Tony,

The hardest part in any of our mental health disorders is accepting that they are part of who we are and then learning to deal with our own feelings.  I am glad you are ready to accept your feelings of depression and to face those feelings head on.  I finally accepted that I have anxiety and depression and no matter how much I keep hoping that I will be the old me again I have realized that there is no old me.  Only the me in the present moment. idea

I have prayed, and cried over having depression for years and finally I did come to realize that I am fighting something that is not going away so to keep wishing I could be back in the days before depression is futile.  I am now putting my energy into learning to live with depression without beating myself up.  It has taken me about 26 years to get to this place of acceptance.

My husband has had Crohn's for 33 years and he has never gotten past "anger" at this disease.  It has changed him and he has become much of a loner so please do not let this happen to you.

I hope you start to work with PT and see if you can get some relief from your arthritis sx.  I am glad it is not AS.  My hubby has the arthritis sx but no AS either.

Take care and keep on talking to us.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

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