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Willow84
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/20/2009 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I am new to ALL of this. The feelings of depression, anxiety that I can't seem to control, and sharing my feelings and experience on here. I am not sure really where to start but I am hoping that in sharing what I have been going through I might be able to connect with someone who has had a similar experience or has had similar feelings. This has all made me feel so isolated. I never knew what a chemicle depression was or that I would have it. I had always ignorantly thought depression was something you could just "snap out of" untill I started going through it. Now I feel like this is probably just about the worst thing that could happen to a person because it can make you feel like not living your life and that you will never feel normal again. Maybe that sounds extreme but it is how I have felt at times.
I have had many stressful things happen in my life in the past couple of years: my sister passed away, moved across country with my fiancee away from all family and friends so he could go to school, loosing my job and then getting a new one, planning a wedding, etc. So I thought I handled everything well but this past December I had what I think was a panick attack out of nowhere in the middle of dinner. I had experienced anxiety before like when your going to give a speech but this just seemed to happen for no reason and it freaked me out so bad I couldn't calm down for days. I could't eat, barely slept and thought my life was over. It was like living in a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. I have lost almost twenty pounds which for me is a lot and looks unhealthy and my sleep still isn't always normal. I didn't know what to do so I didn't say anything except to my fiancee. He thought I was just over reacting and said "Just relax." The problem was I couldn't. Then a few weeks later the depression came. It is hard to describe the way I felt other than hopeless and like my life was over. I thought God was punishing me or that I was just going crazy. I stopped caring about everything even my own wedding and became obsessed with finding something to help me feel better.  I tried just thinking happy thoughts (which lasted about 5 minutes), taking supplements, reading books, excersizing, waiting but I never got better. After four month I went to a Dr. and was prescribed lexapro and klonopin and was told it was chemicle depression and anxiety and that these pills would help. I have been on them for about six weeks and things are better than they were but not 100% yet. I also have been talking to a LPC which helps a little too. I just needed to know if others had experienced something like this or if anyone has any advise or thoughts. Any comments are welcome and thanks for taking time to read this and respond. God Bless.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 5/20/2009 3:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Willow,

What you are discribing does sound like depression and anxiety. We know exactly how you feel so you are not alone in this. Know that we understand and do care.

It takes a good four to six weeks for an antidepressant to fully kick in. So yours are probably kicking in right about now.

Keep talking to your LPC too. That will help you. You are doing all the right things. Take life one day at a time. And keep posting as we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/20/2009 4:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Willow,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  I am Kitt and I have had depression for more years then I care to recall but I am a survivor and I refuse to let this dang disorder keep me down so you start to fight back and know that you will be ok.

I will post more to you as soon as I can but for now I just wanted to welcome you and let you know you are not alone.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic, 
Depression,  & 
 
 GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Willow84
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/20/2009 4:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you to both of you for the warm welcome. It helps just to hear other people's experiences. It is hard not to wonder why this happened and when I will feel like myself again. Is it normal to have ups and downs, some good days and some not as good? Does that mean my medication is still working? It seems to be getting better but slowly sometimes. Thanks for any thoughts.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 5/20/2009 6:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Willow,

I think it is normal to have ups and downs. Depression is that way. But we want to have more good days than bad. I would talk to my doctor about it and see if you need a medication adjustment or if you just want to wait and see how this works.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 5/20/2009 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Willow

You came to the right place! Coming here and sharing your story and experiences is a good place to continue to heal. Welcome to HW! There are so many supportive people here, and it really helps sometimes just to get things off your chest.

You are so not alone in how you feel. So many people are in your same situation. I don't remember what started my depression, though I did have a lot of stress in my late teens. I've been on a few different medicines myself, and like the others have said, it does take a while for them to fully kick in. I have been on meds for a while, but I still also have good and bad days. I personally feel that if you don't, then you're on too much or the wrong medicine. I have taken medicine in the past that made me a zombie, and I didn't feel anything, good or bad. That's when I changed medicine. Sometimes it takes changing medicine, or the dose to get you to where you want to be.

Sleep is a huge issue for a lot of us here also. A lot of us have either a hard time going to sleep or a hard time staying asleep. I can get to sleep, but I wake up a lot, and often feel unrested in the morning because of it. I'd talk to your doctor about it, and they might think it's a good idea to take something to get your sleep pattern back to normal. Sometimes they'll just give you something short term to get you back to sleeping again. They can also offer suggestions on things to help you sleep better.

I hope you find HealingWell as much help as I and many others have! Keep posting and let us know how things are going for you.
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 5/21/2009 5:12 AM (GMT -7)   
hey willow, i feel your pain, me depressed 20 plus yrs now. had just about every depressive diagnosis, understand the isolation, yeah the most common part with depression. glad you had the courage to see the doc, well done, and with therapy and posting you have already started your recovery. keep posting, would say more about me, albeit i try to stay positive, not that it worries me to talk about the past, but thats what it is, the past, u me and the community are heading for the big bright lights of the future! keep posting, communicate with your doc and lpc. thanx 4 your honesty, may god continue to bless you, send luv and compassion 2 u. jamie, male, 37, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder, along with a plethera of medical issues!!!!!!!!!
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