Thank you all for your kind and helpful replies. For some reason my lonliness is worse this year. I think it is because of the cancelled wedding and because I was so looking forward to making the plans and anticipating the big day. I am working on this with my therapist. And one thing that will get me through this weekend is that I see my therapist on Tues. so we will talk about it. Sat. I made a hair appt. and getting my hair cut and done is always a pick me up. I have some planting left that I can do and of course the book store is my big help in staying out and being among people. I do have to get through other weekends like this, like July 4th but I am going to plan way ahead of time to be sure I have things to do. I have to learn to come to terms with getting through the summer because this always happens to me and I need a solution for getting by these months. I will look for books on how to cope with this lonliness. It would help if I could find a part time job but there just isn't anything out there. So again thank you for your support and I will post how I managed this weekend.
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…
Hi MMMNavy, I so wish that watching movies would help me. I am watching TV and trying to read a magazine. If only my problem was that easy. It is night here and dark and I am alone in my house where I am very scared to be by myself. I'm sure it goes back to childhood when my mother scared the daylights out of me, telling me I would be kidnapped. There was a time when I was 15 and I was home sick from school and she went to the store and left me alone. I was so frightened that someone would break into the house I hid behind some curtains in the hallway until she got back. I work very hard with my therapist on trying to get over these foolish fears but I think it takes time and a lot of work. I am getting better than I was. I now live in a cute little house in a neighborhood with houses close together so I am less fearful. But I always go to bed so late - until I can't keep my eyes open anymore so I drift off to sleep. I am OK during the day. And I have something on for tomorrow but it is nightime when the demons really attack me. I can assure you I am not watching anything scary on TV! And I keep a lot of lights on all over the house.
Hi Becky, thanks so much for your reply. I guess we are in the same boat with our fears of being alone in the house. I'm sorry about the breakup with your boyfriend. That must make being in your house feel strange. For me it is not having anyone to talk to. My friends are all away this weekend, so no one to call and so far I have not gotten the dog to say more than arf to me. I am also not working, not by choice but because I can't find a job and I have been looking a long time. I jusr want part time but those are hard to come by. I guess we will have to manage the best we can. I know that acceptance is the key but not easy to do. Take care of yourself and any time you want to chat just post me and I will reply. I guess we both have high electric bills!
Post Edited (Jeannie143) : 5/23/2009 8:38:27 AM (GMT-6)
Jeannie, Please forgive me if you thought I was ignoring your post. I was out most of the day yesterday and then came home and read. And yes, I do have a dog, a poodle who has a ferocious bark and he barks at any and every thing. I can only have dogs that don't shed as I have asthma. I also sleep with my cell phone next to me. I have had this problem with lonliness for a long time and I am working on trying to get better. Now if only the dog could turn his barks into a conversation I would feel better. I am sorry for the bad experiences you had to go through. And I understand how wonderful it is to have our pet friends to keep us company and feel a bit safer. Again I am so sorry if I hurt your feelings. That was never my intention. I am going to post after the weekend to everyone who answered me and helped me to let you all know how I made it through. Just one more day.
JoCal, you have very much misinterpreted my post. I am a person of great faith and belief in God. But what you are interpreting as my incorrect thoughts is completely wrong. I am not dependent on my friends for hapiness. In fact I am a person who does many things to help others. I do a lot of voluteer work in my community. And that is the type of thing that makes me feel good about myself as I am helping others and I know how much they appreciate it. I vey much enjoy nature and live near a beautiful forest preserve with wonderful walking paths. I suffer from depression which I assume you do too as you post here on this forum. I enjoy ( not depend on) the company of my family and friends and they do make me happy as we have many wonderful things to share. I don't know how one can face life if they have no friends or family and just isolate themselves. I suffer from lonliness in my home at night due to abuse that happened to me as a child. I am in therapy so what you have suggested is your own interpretation. If you had read other posts of mine you might understand me better. I think you are completely wrong in telling me to change my thoughts. My thoughts are my thoughts and no one else's. I find your post to me to be insulting as you are someone who does not know me. You are incorrect for judging me in such a way as you did.
( and moderators, if you want to call me on the carpet for standing up for myself, well I can't help it. I feel this was a very negative post to my problem)
Post Edited (Aurora60) : 5/24/2009 12:05:48 PM (GMT-6)
Thank you Karen for understanding my position. I have lived a lot of life, have seen and experienced much in my 63 years and I guess when you get to be my age you develop a strong back bone. I am enjoying my day, outside and planting the last of my garden which is so beautiful this year. It will make my summer much more special to see the work I put in. And I am sure your garden is spectacular this year. Take care.
Dear Korissa, you are my fellow companion in our lonliness. I know just what you mean when you have been out and had a great day and the next there is nothing to do and it feels so bad. We seem to have a lot of things in common and I too am looking for a part time job as well but as you probably know they are few and far between. I guess most companies or places are looking for fulll time employees. Don't they know that with us part timers they don't have to give any benefits? Too bad we don't live near each other, we could be great buds. Anyway, I hope the rest of your weekend will be good for you and keep posting. I am always happy to talk with you. Take care. By the way I had gotten hooked on sudoku puzzles until they drove me nuts.
Dear HW friends, I want to thank you all for being so supportive of me this weekend. My sons are coming home today and we will have a nice dinner and life returns to normal whatever that is. I actually came through this weekend very well. I was out during the day and kept very busy at night and did not allow myself to dwell on the fact that I was alone. Having a good book to read also helps. An it is great to have a dog, he is really good company and I can actually talk to him and he makes little noises and moves his head and ears so I know he is listening in his own doggy way. I just don't like it when he barks at night because then I am looking out the windows to see if someone is there. Of course it is usually a neighbor coming home. I think this was a hard weekend for me as I know my son is still hurting so much and that hurts me. I wish I could just take all his pain and keep it inside me. But he is doing all the right things, keeping busy at work, seeing his friends, joining some sports teams this summer and reminding himself of all his ex did to him to push him away. And he knows he will meet the right person some day. So again I can't thank you enough for helping me. It has taken me many years to get to the place I am now which is much improved over the last several years.