boyfriend is no good. i dont know what to do

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Taryn50894
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 5/24/2009 10:08 PM (GMT -7)   
i am so incredibly stressed out right now. i cant make up my mind on anything and i just feel depressed. sometimes i wonder if my boyfriend even pays attention to me. i always thought that he, above all people, should be there to support me and help me but it like doesnt even phase him that theres a problem.

he'll ask me whats wrong, then i tell him, then he changes the subject abruptly and im just confused why. he's one of my biggest stressors and i always cry over him. but at the same time, i dont want to leave him. i just dont understand why he acts so careless about my feelings whether its intentional or not.

i am really in love with him and we have so much fun together. maybe im the problem? maybe i try to talk about things and guys dont like that? i really dont know what to do. im getting sick im so stressed out I cant even turn to my own boyfriend for support.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18753
   Posted 5/25/2009 4:37 AM (GMT -7)   
hi taryn5084.
 
maybe u guys need to have some of that fun again. we all, male/female can become overwhelmed, this i feel that this could be happening with your boyfriend. if things do not improve, for you both, then maybe some couple counselling may be required. hoping things improve for you both, if he loves you then he should be willinging to do some work to aleviate the situation. all the best, jamie, male,37.

Jeannie143
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 5/25/2009 8:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Taryn,

You actually have great insight into your situation... You posted it in your subject line. "boyfriend is no good." This pretty much says it all. We are all hungry for love, but real love doesn't ignore you.

If you were hungry for something to eat and all you had was a can of ravioli you would grab a can opener and open it. But if the can is bulging and when you open it it smells spoiled you would think, "This food is no good." and you would toss it. You would go hungry rather than eat bad food.

Love cares about the beloved. If he doesn't care, I'd toss him and look for the real thing. Life is short. Don't settle for spoiled food.
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/25/2009 11:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Taryn,

Sometimes our loved ones can't understand what it's like to be depressed. And sometimes, they don't have the capacity to be as emotionally supportive as we need them to be. The sad fact is that we can't change other people or how they react to emotional situations, and it seems that you may have to choose to look to your friends or family for support while staying in a relationship with your boyfriend, or choose to end the relationship and find a partner who is more compatible with your needs and desires. I apologize if this sounds blunt, as I do realize how very painful it is to be in love with someone who can't be there for you in that way. However, as Jeannie said, life is short, and it is important for you to have the love and support in your life that you deserve. Please keep us posted, and try to take very good care of yourself during this tough time.
 

 

 

“The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” ~Marcus Aurelius


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 5/25/2009 1:31 PM (GMT -7)   
One thing that I have learned about men, (sorry guys) is that often they disregard something that they can't fix. Not actually disregard it, but maybe ignore it would be a better word. I think that they get frustrated. And maybe because he can't fix this, he tries to ignore it, or change the subject as you say. But on the other hand there are some really compassionate men out there that would probably be more sympathetic. I think it all comes down to whether you need a more sympathetic man or if you can get use to him not wanting to talk about things. But as was stated above, life is short. And I think it depends on how important this is to you. Being that he is not sympathetic to your needs, it is up to you whether you can deal with that or not.

One good thing is that you can come here to talk things out. So please feel free to post more and remember that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Taryn50894
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 5/28/2009 8:56 PM (GMT -7)   
i appreciate everyones advice and feedback.
im just not sure what to do. i can understand if he doesnt like talking about things...i mean..he is a guy(no offense guys) but i hate that our conversations consist of nothing but sarcasm jokes, and unresolved issues.

i see him talking with other girls and it makes me jealous. he likes talking with others who share his exact interests, and sometimes I can't do that. Sometimes I just think he likes me hanging around for sexual favors...

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/28/2009 9:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Taryn,

I hope you don't mind if I ask you a couple of questions about your post, because I truly want to have a better understanding of what you are going through. When you say that your conversations with your boyfriend consist of nothing but sarcasm jokes and unresolved issues, do you mean that he is being sarcastic with you about the things that bother you? Also, do you feel like he is taking you for granted, when you say that you think he likes you hanging around for sexual favours? I don't really know what to say about him talking to other girls....I guess I am wondering if this is because he wants to talk with others who share his interests, or if you think there is more to it. Please forgive me if I have put you in an uncomfortable position here....I just want to be able to support you with the things that are upsetting you.
 

 

 

“If what I say resonates with you, it is merely because we are both branches on the same tree."  ~W.B. Yeats


Taryn50894
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 5/29/2009 5:07 AM (GMT -7)   
raniah,

yes, he is. hes really funny which is nice, but sometimes he'll just jokingly tease me and he's sarcastic. if i say theres a problem that we should talk about, he'll just make jokes. he's not being mean..he's just avoiding it. but its annoying.

i think my feelings for him are stronger than his for me. i say that he likes the sexual favors because when we're in his bed that's the only time he truly is comfortable enough to talk about anything. it cant always be like that though =(

i also think at times he just wants me to be a little jealous just to see how i'll react. it almost feels like he's testing me before our relationship goes any further.


He once said he had this girlfriend who was a little possesive and weird and she would like stalk him after they broke up. i just want him to understand that i'm not like that at all, and if that's what he's afraid of I wish he would understand...

i hope this is enough info and im not uncomfortable i appreciate everyones advice

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/29/2009 6:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Taryn,

I understand what you mean….there’s a time when being funny is great, but there’s also a time when you need some serious support. It sounds like your boyfriend is not comfortable with emotional discussions (I’ve known a lot of men like that, but that is not to say they are all like that….some are very good about listening and comforting). I know it’s frustrating, especially when you really care about him and want to share the things that concern you. It sounds like he lets his guard down a bit when you are physically intimate, and I don’t think that’s unusual for men, either. I think some guys really feel emotional closeness when there is physical closeness. That being said, you are right: it can’t always be like that, and it would be nice to have that emotional closeness outside of the bedroom.

Re: the ex-girlfriend who was possessive and stalking him after the break-up, maybe that has made him a little gun-shy. It’s hard to say. I think you are on the right track, being aware of this, because a lot of guys get really turned off by possessive behaviour (and girls, too….nobody likes to feel smothered!). I know you’re not like that, and that’s a good thing.

Have you two been together a long time? Sometimes it takes one person a bit longer to open up their heart than the other person, and that may be the case with your boyfriend.

All that being said, I hope you will find the support you need from other sources, whether it be friends, family, or us here at the forum. I really do hope your boyfriend will come around, and feel more comfortable with talking about your concerns. If not, you may have to decide whether it is something you can live with or not. In the meantime, please keep posting to us and remember that the people on here really care. I hope things will get better. (((hugs)))
 

 

 

“If what I say resonates with you, it is merely because we are both branches on the same tree."  ~W.B. Yeats

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