What is wrong with me?

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allmylife
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/25/2009 4:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't know what's wrong with me...my husband thinks I'm bipolar.  I'm already on Zoloft and it seems to take the edge off my anxiety and depression but doesn't fix my mood swings.  Ever since I was a kid I've always felt that I wasn't good enough.  I would pretend to run away and get mad when none of my family members came to find me.  I felt that no one cared and I wasn't good enough...even though I knew they knew that I hadn't really run away and was only hiding behind the house.
 
The feeling of not being good enough is in both my personal life and my work life.  Even though I'm in a management position and have been for years, I still feel that I'm not doing a good job.  At home I feel that I'm not a good enough mother and wife.  My house is always a mess, with toys and laundry, and I feel that I need to follow my husband and kids around 24/7 in order to pick up after them.  I blame it all on them, but the truth is I don't always put everything away either.  But I never see it as my fault, I always blame someone else.
 
I feel like I start arguments with my husband just to get attention, the same as the "running away" when I was a kid.  Then I'm sorry but he's still mad at me.  Nothing is fixed, just more broken.
 
I don't know how to help myself.  My husband recommends a different drug besides Zoloft and a psychiatrist.  Does anyone else have these same issues that I struggle with and how have you taken steps to "recover"?

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/25/2009 5:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Allmylife,

I'm glad you came here to post. Yes, I have experienced the feeling of not being good enough, and I'll bet a lot of people here can relate to that feeling, too. Even though you are on medication, I wonder if it might help to talk with a counselor/therapist? Medications have their place, but they don't teach us how to develop our sense of self-worth and help us to figure out what our destructive thought patterns might be. I see a therapist for those issues, and she has really helped me a lot. I hope you will consider it. In the meantime, please try to cut yourself some slack, and take a bit of time for yourself if you can, in between the laundry and picking up the toys. It's really important, especially when you're caring for others, to also care for yourself. I hope you'll come back and post with us again.....this is a wonderful group to talk to.
 

 

 

“If what I say resonates with you, it is merely because we are both branches on the same tree."  ~W.B. Yeats


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 5/25/2009 6:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Allmylife,

I am so glad that you posted here. I agree with Raniah, counseling is good idea. I take abilify for a mood stabilizer and go to counseling too. You might need both. But like as was mentioned above, give yourself a break once in a while. Pat yourself on the back. You are dealing with a lot and I know that is hard.

Keep posting, it does help when you can get things off of your chest.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 5/25/2009 7:38 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Allmyllife, I agree with what Karen and Raniah have told you.  You may need different meds than the zoloft.  I think it would be wise to get an evaluation from a psychiatrist to see what might help you more.  I am divorced so don't have a husband to pick up after but my  35 yr old son lives with me and I feel I am always picking up after him.  I finally put my foot down and said my house, my rules. He now must pick up anything that is in a part of the house other than his room. I would suggest that you tell your family that you are not their personal maid and they need to pick up after themselves. I would give out consequences for not doing as they should. My son is not allowed to use the big TV in the rec room if he leaves a mess. I know he is a little old to be told what to do but I think we all need to stick by certain family rules.  And if you make say a suggestion that they pick up after themselves and don't do it for them then you too have to follow thru and pick up after yourself. But you may get them to see what a hard job you have taking care of them and the household as well as working. If they are left to see their own mess they may cooperate more.  It's worth a try anyway. If your husband has to be accountable for himself then maybe you won't have too many arguments. I was married for quite a while but my husband was a neat freak so I never had that problem. I wish you the best and hope something works for you. Keep posting so we know how you are doing.  Take good care of you.

Aurora


Lynnwood
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7017
   Posted 5/26/2009 9:56 AM (GMT -7)   
As a child, cleaning up after yourself was imperative -- leave something in a public area, like your shoes in the living room - get up to go to the bathroom & if my father passed thru and saw the shoes you'd find them in the trash. Same with anything else left out & abandoned. Makes one learn quickly!

allmylife
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/26/2009 11:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all of the advice.  My major issue is not with the clutter (although it doesn't make me happy).  My main issue is not feeling good enough, personalizing everything to be negative, seeing the glass half empty...that kind of thing.  I have an appointment with a psychiatrist but unfortunately there wasn't any close by that have any availability until next Thursday.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 5/26/2009 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Youv'e got us to talk to until then. That isn't very far off so soon you will be seeing your psychiatrist. I think this is a good decision. But you still should make people pick up after themselves. That will make you less depressed. You will get there, keep trying. And remember that we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 5/26/2009 5:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Allmylife,

I'm really glad you were able to get an appointment with a psychiatrist. That's so good. I know it's hard to wait when you want to see someone right away, but Karen is right....you have us to talk to until then. Please keep posting, and know that there are people here who care. I know you will get through this!
 

 

 

“If what I say resonates with you, it is merely because we are both branches on the same tree."  ~W.B. Yeats


shellm
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 5/27/2009 5:58 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello! I am sooo glad you posted! As I was reading this I couldn't believe it , everything I read was as if I wrote it. I've been to embarrassed to admit it. PLEASE let me know what the dr tells you.

I've been taking wellbutrin for about a year and a half. It worked at first but now I am having the same bad feelings as before.    


allmylife
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/16/2009 5:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Shellm,
I've met with my psychiatrist (only had one visit so far) and he increased my dose of Zoloft from 50mg to between 150mg and 200mg.  He said that the 50mg doesn't really help many people that much.  It's been almost 2 weeks since I changed the dose and I do feel a difference.  No the world isn't all sunshine and roses but I am feeling better.  I also started reading a book called "Feeling Good the New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns M.D. and started doing the workbook that he also wrote titled "Ten Days to Self Esteem".  The logic behind his method of therapy is cognitive thinking and that the way we feel is a direct result of the way we think.  Changing our way of thinking will affect the way we feel.  Thinking more positively will make you feel more positive about yourself.  I haven't gotten very far into it yet, but I can say that it has helped just knowing that there are so many other people out there that have the same negative feelings that I do and have used these resources.
 
I'm set up with a therapist in the psychiatrists office and will start seeing her tomorrow.  I look forward to having someone to speak with in person since I don't talk to anyone else about my feelings out of embarassment.
 
Good luck to you...keep me posted on how you are doing.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18742
   Posted 6/16/2009 11:30 PM (GMT -7)   
allmylife, hey you are doing very well. excellent to see you reading and doing some home-work. home-work in therapy is extremely important. hey, when you are ready give your dr, some also! pls look at all the options in terms of medications. zoloft for some is good, albeit is becoming one of the older ones nowadays. keep fighin my friend. healings to you. jamie
 
dx, mdd-20 plus yrs, severe borderline personality disorder, 12 plus yrs.

shellm
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 6/17/2009 5:36 AM (GMT -7)   
allmylife ~ thanks so much for the update! :) I've thought about you a lot. I'm happy to hear things are getting better. I found the books you mentioned on amazon.com and will order them for myself. They sound like they will be very helpful. Please keep intouch.... I feel a connection with you since your post was as if I wrote it.
 
I went back to my doctor, in addition to the Wellbutrin he wants me to add Buspar twice a day and xanax as needed. I've also been seeing a psychiatrist once a week. It's been about three weeks and I can tell a difference. I still have the I'm not good enough feelings but they don't seem to be as bad.    
 
I'm so glad I read your post, it is comforting knowing someone else has my exact same feelings. I thought I was the only one in the world that felt this way. It gives me hope for myself! :)
 
I pray you will continue to get better, please keep intouch.  
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