So often when we judge ourselves in that unrelenting and unforgiving way, with expectations of perfection, we also judge others in the same fashion. We cannot accept our own flaws, or the flaws of others. Life is very painful when lived this way, because nothing is or will ever be "perfect" according to those unrealistic definitions. In my opinion, true love and true friendship go far beyond the surface, and they see that which is not visible to the naked eye. From reading your post, it seems like you are unable to accept it when others make mistakes, and yet you are afraid to talk to people for fear of making mistakes yourself. Perhaps if you found a way to be less judgmental about
your own foibles, you would then be less judgmental about
s of others, too. We all have a fear of being hurt, but avoiding closeness with people because of that fear means living without deep connections and love in our lives, and that is very sad indeed.
I wonder if you might consider some counseling, as some of the others have suggested. In particular, you might want to look for someone who practices CBT (Cognitive behaviour
al Therapy), which teaches us how to examine and realign our thoughts, so that those negative and judgmental ideas and reactions are caught and turned around in our minds, allowing us to think positively about
ourselves and other people. I can tell you from personal experience that this has made a world of difference to me in my relationships with other people, and in the way I feel about
myself. Naturally, I still have some days when I feel down about
certain aspects of myself, and about
certain events in my relationships, but I no longer run the script
in my mind every day about
being a bad person, or thinking that the world is full of bad people. I also enjoy my friendships a lot more, and find it much easier to meet people and develop relationships that are fulfilling and uplifting.
I hope you will keep posting with us, and feel welcome to share some more about
your situation. This is a great place to talk and gain support, as you have already seen.
“If what I say resonates with you, it is merely because we are both branches on the same tree." ~W.B. Yeats