depressed about things i cant control

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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 6/1/2009 12:24 AM (GMT -6)   
confused   sad hi im new to this site, but im hoping to find it helpful. i have depression and anxiety, among a host of other chronic illnesses. i am in constant physical pain, as well as, emotional pain. there are things going on in my family that are very sad, worrisome, frustrating,etc, that i really cant do anything about. that doesnt stop me from feeling like , if only i could come up with the perfect thing to do or say, everything would be bbetter. i am always "what iffing" situations. i feel scared alot of the time about 1 family member or aanother.there r some situations that will in all probability end badly. if so , there will be ripple effects and i will not want to watch what happens to those still in the water. i worry more about what will happen to them than to myself.i cant stand just living , waiting for the shoe to drop. i know i need to live in the present and take each day as it comes, but its difficult. i rack my brain and pray to God that i will do and say the right things. if someone dies or something else terrible happens and i havent done or said everything i thing i should have, ill never forgive myself.  im ocd so telling me just stop thinking about wont cut it. (thats what my husband does.) i know i need to just turn it over to God, but thats so hard for me., even on my meds. ive been having a lot of panic attacks and i can feel myself spiraling downward. im also mildly bi-polar so i really have 2 b careful. i feel like im on the edge and i literally have NO ONE to talk to. if anyone out there wants to answer, please do. id love to hear from you.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18578
   Posted 6/1/2009 7:06 AM (GMT -6)   
hi cbear, jamie here.
i will not tell u what u already know, except, welcome to the forum, and that via your courage in posting u have started a small ripple in terms of your own healing. continue being brave in life, sad, yes but we all die, but it is in the living that truely matters. healings and luv, jamie, male,37.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/1/2009 9:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Cbear,

I’m really glad you came to post here, and I’m sorry for all the pain you’re going through. Physical pain is really hard to deal with, especially when it’s ongoing, and it can just wear you out, both physically and emotionally.

I know it’s hard to accept that we cannot change things over which we have no control. I wonder sometimes if that might be one of the hardest things we have to overcome as human beings, especially when it concerns people that we really care about. Please try to realize that you are doing the best that you can, with all that you say and do. It’s true that there are things in life that we have to surrender to a higher power, and believe it or not, I actually find that comforting, knowing that someone else is at the wheel when I have exhausted my ideas and my efforts.

You mentioned that you are on meds, but that you are still having a lot of panic attacks. I wonder if you might need an adjustment in meds, or perhaps a different type of medication that might be more effective for you. Are your meds prescribed by a family doctor/general practitioner, or are you in some type of counseling? The reason I ask is because in my own life, I’ve actually had a lot more success with counseling than I have with meds, when it comes to anxiety and depression. I have especially had good luck with cognitive behavioural therapy, (CBT), and I wonder if you might consider looking into that. I know from others on this forum that there is an online program called “The Mood Gym” that is free of charge, where you can learn about and practice CBT methods. Maybe that would be a helpful resource to you.

Please continue to come here and post to us. The forum has a lot of supportive and compassionate people on it who are happy to listen and offer words of comfort or advice. I hope you will come back and talk with us again.


"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."  ~Marcel Proust



Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2268
   Posted 6/1/2009 5:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome! I think Jamie & Raniah have already given you some really good advice. I'm not sure how long you've been on your current treatment plan, but if it's been a while, definitely talk to your doctor about whether there might be something better.

Pain & Depression often go hand in hand, so I wonder whether or not you are being treated for your physical pain as well. If not, perhaps you might consider looking for a Pain Specialist.

As far as the thoughts, I'm not sure if it will be helpful to you (I hope it is), but one thing that someone once told me is that my words & actions are not as powerful as I often think. The world does not start or end with what I do or say and people will get over whatever temporary hurt I might bring them my misspeaking or not being as considerate as I might have been. I know it is really, really hard to change our thoughts. It certainly is not something that can be done over night. But I know from experience that working with counselors, supportive friends/family & church that it is possible to start to change the things that run unfettered through our minds. Keep fighting against those thoughts. I really believe that all your work will one day pay off with less stress, worries & negative thoughts. It may always be a battle, but if you keep fighting, you will get stronger & the thoughts will become much less frequent.


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40406
   Posted 6/2/2009 9:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Maybe it would help you to embrace each day that you have been with your family and all of the good things that have happened, instead of worrying about what is going to happen. Try this, also think about meditation, it helps to clear your mind.

I hope that this has helped in some small way.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18578
   Posted 6/2/2009 10:42 PM (GMT -6)   
keep figtin' jamie.
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