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sammycat
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/4/2009 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
what do you say to a person who believes no one likes them.  I think you tell them that it isnt true.  But what if it is? Then what do you say?

ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 6/4/2009 4:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hmmmm. Perhaps you could encourage them to think of a few things they like about themselves? It's hard to be liked by other people if you don't like yourself.

Conversely, you could very nicely and gently explain what this person is doing to make him/herself so disliked. Sometimes people really do have no idea what they're doing to antagonise others, and it can really help them to have some honest, caring feedback.

Sometimes people are unusual, real individuals, and it can take them a long time to find a niche where there are folks who accept and like them for who they are. For instance, a tween who is a lot more mature than her peers may find that she makes friends more easily when she is older, as the people around her gradually become more mature. It may also be that someone is simply in the wrong school / social group / town, and that they may be happier if they move. For instance, someone who is bad at sport will probably not feel happy hanging around with a lot of athletic people, but might feel happier in a drama society or book group.

Not being liked doesn't necessarily mean that a person is unlikeable - it can just mean that they are in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong people. :-)

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

New meds thread


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 6/4/2009 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   
You could try to find the postive things about this person and tell them, make a list even and show it to them. I know that not everybody likes everybody. But somebody must like this person. You do by the sound of it. So let them know.

We are all unique individuals. Everybody is a little different. As Ivy said, maybe this person isn't a social butterfly or they don't have anything in common with the people that they are with. But I can't belive this person to be completely unlikable.

One thing though they do have to learn to like themselves. That is the starting point. Maybe this person should try some counseling. Some cognitive therapy sounds like what they need. Maybe you could convince them to go.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18757
   Posted 6/4/2009 10:26 PM (GMT -7)   
because we are unique individuals sometimes peoples perceptions are skewed. some people are very insecure and become insular, for me people who may be disliked are people who need a lot of compassion as they "usually" are troubled themselves and feel that they are not worthy of assistance, thus they represent in the negative. hope this helps, jamie
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