cannot stop hurting & loving at the same time

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 6/5/2009 1:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I had a terrible breakup 2 weeks ago. I hate him for all the pain he's caused me yet i still have feelings for him. i want to just be over him but each day it seems like i am no closer to that. it seems like he left me for a girl who was threatening me while we were still together and it hurts. it hurts so much. i am sad.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 498
   Posted 6/5/2009 3:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kali-Nikki

I can understand what you must be going through. I feel you should try to come out of past. Don't carry the emotional baggage and move on. Keep yourself busy. Create your own support group. Find new friends. You never know, may be God has something better for you and it is your BFs loss not yours, that he lost you. So cheer up dear. Take care.
45 years Male Attorney
Diagnosed UC October 1989
Had two stage J Pouch Surgery Nov 2005; Take Down March 2006
Complications after surgery - Incisional Hernia and Ano Fistulas
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle: Albert Einstein
"What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/5/2009 6:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kali-Nikki,

I know from your other thread that your boyfriend was an important source of support for you, and someone who really understood you and your feelings. I'm so sorry the two of you broke up. It's natural to go through a grieving period, and two weeks is not a long period of time for some people. Everyone is on their own schedule when it comes to dealing with a painful loss, and it may take some time before you are able to move on. Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself to shed the tears and release the pain.

PSA is should focus on creating your own support group, which of course includes us here. He's also right about the idea that God has something better in store for you. I know it's hard to see it now, but there are other things awaiting you in your life, and as you heal from this experience, you will be able to move forward.

Do you have access to any counseling in your area? Or is there some sort of counseling facility at your university? I think I remember reading on your other thread that you are finishing up with university in the coming year. I really think it could be a wonderful thing, especially with the pain you've been in because of your family situation and your recent breakup. I think you mentioned before that you had tried counseling once, but I hope you will consider trying it again.

Hang in there, and please keep posting with us.


"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."  ~Marcel Proust



Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/5/2009 6:52 AM (GMT -6)   

Good Morning Kali-Nikki,

It’s never easy when a relationship ends.  Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.

Don’t fight your feelings.  It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.

Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.

Coming here and talking about your feelings was very brave of you and it is part of the healing process. Please give yourself plenty of time to work through this break up.  Keep on talking with us and know we are here for you.

Gentle Hugs to you



Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Depression,  & 
*~* *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 6/8/2009 3:49 AM (GMT -6)   
hi guys. sorry i have not written for the past days. i am still around trying to occupy my time. its hard but im trying.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18553
   Posted 6/8/2009 5:31 AM (GMT -6)   
yes you are trying, and good for you! co-operation with help is the key. keep seeking support, and talking to us, keep positive, and stay safe. jamie

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 6/8/2009 8:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kali-Nikki I see that you have made this thread before the other one. about the break-up do you have a relationship with GOD? because he can help you if you do. try and remmeber that GOD loves you and cares for you, and try to spend time with your friends away from home since you don't seem to enjoy it much at home. good luck to you and keep comming back we like to hear how you are doing, peace..
Former Addict of Online Video Games ( MMORPGs ) , Sober since April 6th 2008
Diagnosed with Major Depression since 2002

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/8/2009 2:13 PM (GMT -6)   
I know how tough it can be getting over someone! it usually takes me a very long time, and I am going through it right now. If you need to talk, you can feel free to email me. I am a good listener. And know that no matter how trite it seems, there ARE others out there for you and other people who will love you and understand you.
all the best
" a love that moves the sun in heaven and all the stars; this is just a fraction of what is rightfully ours"
Male 32 Depression, Anxiety, Celexa, Klonapin

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/8/2009 8:50 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Kali-Nikki, I understand so well what you are going through. My son just broke his engagement.  The wedding was all planned, they had been together for 4 yrs and she had a major melt down and emotional disconnect.  He was devastated.  But he is determined to get over her.  She is in a different city so he doesn't ever have to see her.  It has been painful for me and my family also as we were so anticipating this lovely wedding.  But it is over and we are all doing the best to put it behind.  My son has good days and bad days but the good days are happening more. He also got into counseling and that has made a big difference. So if you can try to find some counseling and if this is truly over then you have to accept it and move on.  Please understand that there is another person out there that will be the right one for you.  You just have to give this time.  Feeling grief takes a while to pass and you need to take as much time as you need. And if you stop all contact with your ex you will be doing yourself a favor as it will be easier to get over.  I wish you the very best. Post and let us know how you are doing.


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