(Update) I'm not really sure what to do

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Taryn50894
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 6/8/2009 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I know I put up a post before about my boyfriend and I.

I'm not really sure if I should just end the relationship or not.
I like to talk to him if I cant see him everyday(Im'ing or texting or in person)
Lately he seems like he has no interest. He never is open to anything I want to do, but if he wants to do something, we have to do it.
Example:I was telling him about a movie I really wanted to see, and he would joke about it and say he'd never pay money to see it. But when a movie he really wanted to see came out, we were there right away.

I feel like his candy, and he tells me he has feelings for me and that he cares about me, but if he cared about me, wouldn't he make the effort to respond to my texts or not mind talking about things when theres a problem?

I dont want to stalk him or anything or be controlling but its so upsetting that he acts all secretive. I dont feel like im in a relationship I'm so depressed and the one person I should be able to rely on more than anyone, is the one person who causes most of my sadness.

mamawithFM
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 6/8/2009 2:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi!!I have been through this and I can tell you from first hand experience that he is doing thid on purpose to control you and drive you crazy.I have not read your other post about your bf and you.I also know that ending the relationship is easier said than done.My guess is that,like me,this is not your first crappy relationship.Are you driven to guys that are horrible and bad for you?He is being a controlling jerk and he thinks it is funny and laughable to do this to you.Get rid of him,very hypocritical of me to say,but maybe you are stronger and smarter than me?

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/8/2009 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Taryn,

I agree with Mama! IMO, your boyfriend is being selfish and controlling. I remember your other posts, and I know this guy is not being a supportive partner to you. A man who loves you wants you to be happy, and is willing to do things that are important to you. This is a relationship....it shouldn't be all about him.

I learned a valuable lesson with guys, and it's never failed me when I'm in this kind of situation.....you must pay attention to his actions, no matter what his words tell you. Some men are great at saying, "I love you, baby", but they can't back it up with loving and supportive behaviour. His actions will tell you whether he loves you or not. If he is dismissing what is important to you, and only wants to do what is important to him, then that is not love. I know it's really painful, Taryn, and it takes time to deal with these things. I hope I wasn't too harsh in my words.....I just hate to see you hurting like this, when you deserve so much better. (((hugs)))
 

 

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."  ~Marcel Proust

 

 


mamawithFM
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 6/8/2009 3:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Raniah is right on the money.Also,these guys pick us out!!This dude is belittling.It may sound as simple as him only wanting to see the movies he likes yada,yada yada,but this is his sneaky a** way of saying"hey,you're stupid,the things you like are stupid,who you are is stupid".It is a way to bash you and destroy your spirit.If you stay with him,you will find yourself questioning everything you are and stand for and compromising yourself.All the little sneaky things these guys do to tear you down,eventually turn into one`messed up woman who cannot tell the difference between sincerity or BS.Beleive me,it damages you more and more the more you continue to expose yourself to this abuse.Yes,it is abuse!!I don't know how old you are,but I am nearly 30 and have been in abusive relationships that I have stayed in and it has taken it's toll to the point that my self-esteem is non-existent and I look at everybody with a cocked eye because I never know if I can take them at face value or if they are speaking in double meanings or what.I have a history of severe childhood abuse that has made me prone to this kind of ****.Please do not let this guy or any other guy destroy you!!!! xoxoxo Jenn

Taryn50894
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 6/8/2009 4:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I really appreciate everyones advice,

mamawithFm: I appreciate your posts, but I dont really feel like I am in/will be in an abusive relationship. Before this guy became my boyfriend we were friends. We're both in our 20s. I think that he has a lot of pride in himself so he may seem kinda conceited, but I know that he is a genuinely good guy. I think that the way he was raised as an only child he probably got a lot of praise and love from people, and he's smart, so he probably just expects everyone to love him. Which isn't necessarily bad, but it's not really who I am so we kinda clash.

I love him and appreciate him for the good person he is, but I think he needs to realize that this relationship is a two way street. He always seems to expect me to just praise him and act like he's the best...I'm not really conceited and dont' really like attention but once in a while I'd like a little something from him to make me feel good about myself.


Again, thanks for everyones tips. Anything else, I'd love to hear the advice.

mamawithFM
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 6/8/2009 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I am soooooo glad to hear that.Maybe also the transition from friends to couplehood is a little awkward too.I have friends that their relationships started as friends and it was crazy strange for the first couple of years,definitely an adjustment.Guys are also known for not wanting to have "discussions"as I am sure you already know.I hope he loves you and that he realizes what a great person you are and starts treating you a little better.Women need more than men by way of emotional support and those nice little terms of endearment and dudes just don't get that sometimes.My husband(very abusive for the first two years of our relationship)doesn't exactly give me what I need.I mean every now and then I would like to hear "Thanks for everything you do for me ,babe.It makes my life a little easier.I cook clean,and wash his socks like a typical old fashioned house wife and it would be nice to be recognized for that.Wait a minute,who's thread is this?LOL!!Anyhoo,good luck with your boyfriend and make that man treat you right!!!LOL!! Jenn

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 6/8/2009 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   
What about going to the movies with your girlfriends? Would that be just as fun? It would get you out and make you feel good about yourself. maybe you should try that. Even when we are in a relationship, sometimes we have to do our own things.

Best wishes to you with your relationship.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Taryn50894
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 6/12/2009 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that its good for both of us to do our own thing-sometimes i;ll go out with my friends, and he hangs out with the guys,

but I really dont think he appreciates me. I see guys who are always close with their girlfriends and defend them and it shows they love to be around them. But mine..he just expects praise from everyone. He never says "thank you" and he acts really arrogant.

I feel so depressed that I even have to write stuff like this and cry over him, because I know he's a good guy.
I just dont want him to get aggravated with me because I always seem sad to him. He always puts his own feelings first and that makes me upset because I really care about him and it shows

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/12/2009 8:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Taryn,

I'm so sorry for your pain. I guess it's hard for me to see him as a "good guy" when I know from your posts that he is taking you for granted and not supporting you in the issues that are important to you. I feel like I may have been too harsh in my earlier post, but I said what I did because I honestly believe you deserve better treatment than this. People should treat each other with kindness and respect, *especially* when in a romantic relationship. I really hope you do spend more quality time with your friends, or other people who can make you happy and be there for you when you are feeling sad or depressed. Please take good care of yourself....you deserve to feel better.
 
 
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 

“No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night.” ~Elie Wiesel

 

 

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