New Topic Locked Topic Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

mplsgrl
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/9/2009 2:02 PM (GMT -7)   
This is the first time I've ever posted. In fact, this is the first time in my life I've ever felt this way and the first time I've ever really talked about my "state of mind" or emotions.

I come from a close family, but we really don't show or discuss our emotions. It seems my whole life I've been the ear everyone turns to to talk about their problems and feelings. I have always thought I had a knack for making people feel better and listening to people who weren't used to being listened to. Now, I am feeling really down and I realize I have no one to turn to. It seems everyone I've surrounded myself (while I care about them dearly) aren't so good at being listeners themselves or even pretending to want to offer their ear.

Anyway, I'm in my mid-twenties. I graduated college in 4 years and I was really proud of that, but ever since i graduated I've just felt really worthless. It has been so hard for me to find a job. So hard. I feel like I'm disappointing my parents at every turn. My brother and sister are much older than I am and they have their lives together (careers, families, homes, etc.).

I moved to Minneapolis to take an internship and it went really well and then I got a job. I felt like things were kind of turning around. I didn't love my job, but it paid the bills and it was something to do. Then like so many others this year, my company let people go. I was in the 2nd round of lay offs. So, now I find myself unemployed once again. I am now totally broke, in debt that I can't pay, and I can't find a job anywhere.

Lately I have become really down. I'm just not feeling normal. It's hard to describe, but I just feel like I'm not experiencing things and I'm just going through the motions. I'm not sleeping and then I'm sleeping a lot. Not eating and then eating a lot. I live with my boyfriend and I know he doesn't know what to do. He's always asking me what's wrong and just in the past few days I've noticed it getting worse. I'm just becoming really withdrawn.

So, basically I'm starting to get concerned. I've never been like this. I am normally a very outgoing, friendly, happy-go-lucky person and I feel myself slipping away. I don't think counseling is a real option for me right now as I have no money. I just wanted to write down these things partially for myself to get it out there and partially to hear any suggestions or if anyone out there can relate. Like I said, I have a hard time opening up to those around me, so I thought coming on here might be a good option for me. I already feel a bit better after reading some of these topics on this forum.

Any advice, comments, stories might helpful. Thanks for reading if you have this far.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/9/2009 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   

mlpsgrl

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  I am glad you took a chance on posting your feelings here.  Sometimes just putting it down in words helps lighten your burden.

Please do not feel hopeless and like a loser.  The economy is tough right now but don't you give up, there are jobs out there so do venture out and pound the pavements and keep going back.  It may not be the job you dreamed of today but you will find something to help you pay your bills and to keep on going until things turn around and they will.

Try to keep busy in your off hours, when you are sitting worrying.................get out an exercise, do something you like to do, and do turn to friends including your boyfriend for help.

If you feel you need to, do see you PCP to discuss your feelings of depression.

Coming here and talking to the other members is a great way of finding support.  We know where your coming from and what your going through.

Take care and stick with us.

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic, 
Depression,  & 
 
 GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 6/9/2009 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

I just wanted to mention that there is still help out there even if you can't afford it. There are community mental health programs that you can check out. So do try to get some counseling as I think that you would benefit from that.

Coming here is good too. There are many kind and compassionate members here that understand just where you are coming from. I found a job after searching for a while. It isn't the best job out there but it will do because I need the extra money.

Try not to beat yourself up for sleeping. Sometimes we just need to give our mind a break and just relax. Sleeping can become a habit though so I would recommend that when you are awake try to take a short walk or something to get your energy levels up.

I hope that this has helped in some small way. I am sure there will be others posting on your thread with valuable advice.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2281
   Posted 6/9/2009 9:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Minneapolis,

I just wanted to say that I am in the same boat as you are -- albeit a few years older. Lost my job in the second round of lay-offs, losing my home, deep in debt, not sleeping, feeling really worthless.

I'm sure I don't have any advice to offer you. Just wanted to commiserate. Things are rough, there is no doubt about that. Karen & Kitt gave you some really great advice. They have been really helpful & encouraging to me, so hopefully you find some wisdom & solace in their words as well. Keep trying to find work. I have taken a job with a temp agency that at least helps out a little bit, but my b-day present today was a phone call & letters from the mortgage company saying they are starting foreclosure proceedings against me. I feel so ashamed. I should have never bought a home unless I could pay the whole amount. It is really hard to feel so weak. I feel like I've somehow failed & yet I don't quite know how I could prevent this from happening again which is really disconcerting.

I will say this... it is entirely possible that all of your symptoms are caused by depression, but there are a lot of other causes that could be contributing to them as well so it may be worthwhile to see a primary care doctor to get checked out, if you haven't already done so. I am trying to find an in-network endocrinologist right now b/c I have a thyroid problem & it is just making everything seem worse -- plus I think it actually IS making some things worse. Mood swings -- sleep disorders -- appetite disruption -- hot & cold flashes. I just feel horrible. But I know if I can prioritize my money to put my health first that other things will start to fall into place. There are ways to get free healthcare, sliding scale healthcare or payment plans to ensure that you get the treatment you need, whether it is for a medical condition, or for depression. Please do take care of yourself first, b/c everything else will be so much easier if you do that.

I was given that advice by others here on the forum, & while I still have to work on my thyroid, I have been working on other issues & things are getting easier. I got a long-term temp job & while it's not ideal, it is steady money & is enough to get me a fighting chance with things (hopefully maybe even work something out with my worthless lender, once I get started with the job next week). I know I still have a long ways to go, but I am making progress. I want to encourage you that it is possible for you to get through this as well. Just take things one thing at a time. Maybe not everything will work out & probably nothing will work out as you would like it to, but most things will somehow get better. You sound like a very bright person & you will always have that to fall back on. Use every bit of knowledge that you have or can acquire. Things will improve slowly but surely & your life will go on. You still have most of the years ahead of you & have a lot of time to still make some really amazing contributions to this world. Who knows what you will be doing when you are 50 or 60? You don't have to accomplish it all by age 30. :)

I can attest that life does go on even if your life is a mess in your 20's. I had a major medical set-back, had to change careers in my 20's, lost a number of friends & got really depressed. I thought for sure that life was over & if my life was such a mess when I was young & energetic that what would my life be like when I was older & had less energy. But honestly, your energy will go up as you get healthier -- physically, mentally or both. Even though you're getting older, you learn simpler ways to accomplish the same goals & you learn that all the stupid little details just don't matter at all. So your potential to do something really meaningful is still ahead of you -- and for that matter, ahead of me. Hang in there! Don't give up now! Things will get better if you just keep working at it. I'm sure it doesn't look or feel like that's possible right now, but I have been down that road & it definitely is.

I do hope you will keep posting with us. Stay strong!

peace,
frances

Post Edited (Frances_2008) : 6/9/2009 10:06:33 PM (GMT-6)


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18753
   Posted 6/10/2009 2:00 AM (GMT -7)   
dear mplsgrl,
 
hi i am jamie, i don't know where you are, but i am worried, okay. pls contact your hospital asap. things can turn rather quickly, i am very worried about your safety. can u pls post back, and contact any relevant suicide hotline, or emergency psychiatric no asap. stay safe pls. extremely concerned. jamie

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2281
   Posted 6/10/2009 5:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Minneapolis,
I kinda agree with Jamie that if you are having those thoughts you do need help. I can't say whether or not it is an absolute emergency that warrants going to the ER, but at a minimum, you need to call a therapist & let them make the decision whether they can see you today or whether you need to get yourself to the hospital. Like I said in my last post, there can be a lot of contributing factors to depression. Not getting proper sleep can lead us to make decisions we would otherwise not consider. I know you are having a really tough time right now & it probably seems like it is "just a dream", but speaking from experience, Jamie is dead on when she says it can turn real very quickly. In my case, it was due to a side effect of a medication. I went to the hospital, they pulled me off that med, a counselor came in & talked to me for a couple hours & then I was released. So it doesn't have to turn into a huge ordeal (which was what I was expecting), but I've gone the other way too & decided I could handle it on my own -- well, the "nightmares" got worse & worse until it was hard to tell what was real & what wasn't b/c I was so sleep deprived and terrified and such. I was really a mess & wish I would have gotten myself help sooner b/c it was a close call to be sure.
I know what it's like to feel like you already have so many bills piling up that you can't think about adding another one, but this is one time where you need to listen to others & get the help you need regardless of the cost. There are low cost options out there. You can call 1800SUICIDE & they can get you an immediate referral in your area. You can even talk to them, if you'd like, though if they consider you an immediate danger to yourself, they do report to the police. Still, it is a very good service & at a minimum, you could ask them for a referral for a counselor who specializes in severe depression. Let them know you'd prefer a free or sliding scale practitioner. I know friends who have lived in Minneapolis/St. Paul and there are plenty of free & low cost clinics in your area, so please do get help. You can call the Salvation Army or American Red Cross also to try to get additional funding. Even if you don't practice any faith, -- or practice a faith that does not support mental health treatment -- there are churches & Jewish temples that will offer funds for medical/mental health emergency costs to people if they just call & ask. It may take a few calls & I'm sure they will want to tell you about how great their God and/or their church/temple is, but being a good listener for 5 minutes is a small price to pay to get what likely would be life-saving treatment for you.

take care & keep us posted,
frances

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/10/2009 6:23 AM (GMT -7)   

Mpls,

I edited your post per Rule # 1.  I rephrased to allow the message to come through.  :)

Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
 
I am sorry you are in such a bad place right now and I really have to encourage you to seek professional help.
 
If you feel you need to talk with someone about your feelings please do use the following information.
 
National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.
 
I hope you will look for community support as well as continue to come here and  talk with us.
 
Gentle hugs,
Kitt

 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic, 
Depression,  & 
 
 GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

New Topic Locked Topic Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Tuesday, December 06, 2016 1:05 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,733,637 posts in 301,139 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151273 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, minniemighty.
389 Guest(s), 8 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
alephnull, Jen77, waterbee, Serenity Now, Girlie, minniemighty, Mad Martha, DJB387


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer