I can relate to you Nicole. Although not quite as much death, I went through something similar earlier this year when my best friend died.
It all started when we moved house to another part of the country in September last year. We had to find a Junior school for my son. My husband also had to find a job; I had only just qualified as a nurse and was starting a new job. All these were stressful enough but then I had a phone call and I was told my friend had died suddenly which was devastating news.
Everything got on top of me and before I new it I was so stressed that I started with panic attacks. I just felt totally out of control with my life and I was unable to cope with everyday life events. I felt like I was in a bad dream, which I was unable to wake out of. I had to take sick leave from work, thank god they were understanding as I had not been there that long.
I was tired all the time, didn't want to get out of bed, I really had to force myself. My doctor said I was stressed, and then I had become depressed because of my friends death. I wouldn't go on medication, I just kept talking things through with people. I went to see a bereavement counsellor; I talked to my doctor and I also had a supportive husband. It was then that I found this site and I have had lots of support from here to.
It's now been a year since all this happened and I won't say that I am back to normal, but I am able to cope a lot better. I still feel a little depressed and I do get panic attacks now and again if I get really stressed.
Things will get better, you may feel like they won't just as i once did, but if you go to counselling hopefully things will start to improve.
You will get through, (just take one day at a time) you will eventually get there and gain some control of your life again, it just takes time.
Hope this helps Nicole
Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.
Take care for now
"Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much."
I haven't been on in a while so I dont know if u will know of me.So here's a bit about me
I'm 21 years old, I was born with Cerebral Palsy which means i need a wheelchair. Grew up with an alcoholic parent. At the age of 19 I was diagnosed with depression. Just b4 my 21st birthday my 17 yo b/f of 3 yrs died without warning and no reason was given 4 his death. His funeral was on my 21st birthday.
From then things got worse and I got diagnosed with psychotic depression (i hear voices, hallucinate, self harm and have very bad paranoia)
My b/f died nearly a year ago now and am still struggling without him and am going to go back to docs about the paranoia and trouble sleeping. If u need sum1 2 tlk to i would be more than glad - email me on email@example.com