Hi, so I'm new here, and I don't really want to dump my problems on here but I'm sortif desperate. It's been over a year now thAt I've felt the way I do. I'm just so sad and depressed all the time. And I feel so alone. I used to have so many friends and me and my family used to be close, but friends that have been there since I was 7 and I am now 16, have stopped talking to me. New freinds I made in high school stop talking to me, exept out of school. It's like outside of school they don't know me. And my family and I used to b close, but when my mom drank, she would say tthings to me that would hurt and she would say it for no reason. I wouldn't do anything and she would be like go live with your father I'm done, I can do this, I want to kill u and stuff like. It's cooled down thoough but I can't even tlk to her about
Anything for fear of her saying something while she's drinking or for her to throw it back in my face. I can't even tell her I love her anymore when I used to say it all the time. So my brother lives upstairs with me in our house, his door is literally feet away but we never talk. Ever. The most we'll say to eachothrr in aday is hi, and maybe some bickering. I love him so much and I miss him deeply. We used to close but according to my mom it's my fault we arnt close anymore. One time my mom was trying to kick me out because I hid her booze cuz she had to much. Her response to this was first go outside and try and get hit by a car, then after that she tried to kick me out. It was about
5 a.m and my brother was sleeping, so he woke up, came out and tried to stop her. Be tried for about
a minute then left me to fend for myself. He just walked in his room and went back to sleep. It sill hurts to this day that he left me there.
So my sister is well, doing bad in school and hangig around the wrong people. So as usaul who does my mom blame? Me, it's always me!
And on top of all this, I'm struggli g with the idea that I might be a ***. It's so sonfusing goig through this process alone.
so I'm justt tired of being Alone and feeling empty, I jus idk, I guess this could seem like my situation is no big deal compared to others problems, and I get tht. I'm just, I guess I just feel alone. I feel so alone sometimes that I imagine that I have someo e there who I talk to. Someo e who would atleast care for me. I know it's crazy.
On top of this, I feel like I'm a careless person when I thought everyone else around me was careless. But I honestly don't k ow, I'm just driving myself crazy...
I don't think there's any advice that could fix this, but I just wanted to say all this, I just wanted to hear what someo e has to say.
If you read this thanks for caring.
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 6/11/2009 6:09:53 AM (GMT-6)