i really think i need help

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short-stufff
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Date Joined Jun 2009
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   Posted 6/16/2009 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Lately i've been really depressed, i don't want to be with people and i don't want to go places. I have become so close to one of my best friends. Every time she comes over i don't want her to leave because i'm afraid of losing her forever [partly because within my 14 years of life i've lost 13 loved ones.. i'm afraid of losing another person] but every day we plan on just hanging out it becomes a 4 day sleepover because im always afraid to be alone.. it's actually really sad shakehead i absolutely hate the feeling and idk what to do anymore.. i dont want to hang out with anyone but my one friend, i quit cheering which i used to love to do.. i dont like leaving my house.. im a train wreck and i think i rly need help sad i cant talk to my parents though because they dont understand me and idk its really hard any advice?? confused

thanks xx

Raniah
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   Posted 6/16/2009 6:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Short-Stufff,

I'm glad you came to post here! I can tell how sad you feel from your post, and I'm really sorry. It's good that you have a close friend who will spend lots of time with you and support you, and I do understand why you are afraid of losing people after what you have been through. I hope you will reconsider talking to your parents. Sometimes parents can surprise you.....when you least expect it, they will understand and take you seriously. I have seen other people come on here and worry about talking to their parents about being depressed, too, but it has turned out a lot better than they thought it would when they actually approached them. I really believe you would feel better if you could talk to someone, like a counselor, perhaps.....I see a counselor myself, and she is really good. She's helped me a lot with my depression, and with learning how to cope with my problems. I'm sad to know that you have quit some of the activities that you love, because you deserve to have a life with things that you enjoy. Please keep posting....this is a really good place to talk!
 
 
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 

“No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night.” ~Elie Wiesel

 

 


Tirzah
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Date Joined Jul 2008
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   Posted 6/16/2009 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
SS-
I think Raniah gave you some good ideas. I do hope you can get some help & get to feeling better. Please try whatever ideas you're comfortable with. I'd like to offer a few more in case you're interested...

Have you tried talking with your friend's parents? Sometimes talking with adults who aren't our own parents can be easier. It seems like you're really comfortable with your friend & I'm wondering whether you might feel okay about talking with her mom or day.

Also, you might think about talking with a counselor at your school. They have lots of experience helping people with the exact same things you are going through. They are used to working with young people & generally have some pretty good ideas. A lot of our other members have said that they really felt their school counselors were easy to talk to & were really helpful to them.

I'm not really sure what else to suggest, but you have been through a lot of loss & it is perfectly reasonable that you would be so fearful of losing yet another person. But, as you seem to be discovering, fear can become paralyzing & keep us from living our own lives. Even though it is really hard to reach out for help, in the end that help leads us to become happier, healthier, free-er people & we (or I at least) realize that it is well worth the moment of fear & struggle to get help for ourselves in order to be able to live the kinds of lives we want to.

take care,
Frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum


short-stufff
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Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/16/2009 7:20 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you guys a ton for the advice!! they are all really good ideas! I don't think my school has an official counselor?? im not sure though i know we have a priecher/priest person because we have to have chapel every wednesday. im afraid that if i talk to them idk somehow it may slip out that im talking to him about that.. i dont want people to think im a "kook" well i know im not an no one with depression is.. but teenagers will say it that way.. and im almost afraid to tell my parents they are very judgmental and i dont want to freak them out
ella xx


Tirzah
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Date Joined Jul 2008
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   Posted 6/16/2009 8:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Ella,
Sometimes counselors are known by different names. They could be called: social workers, guidance counselors or campus ministers. Sometimes "deans" are even trained as counselors -- plus they tend to know a lot of the students. If there is a teacher that you trust, perhaps you could ask your teacher, or even slip him/her a note when handing in your assignments asking whether there is anyone other than the priest that you could talk to.

If the priest is the only person at your school who is trained in counseling, you might try letting him know that you are concerned that other students will find out & not be accepting of you. School staff can be pretty creative coming up with ways to keep your meetings private. I have worked in a catholic school in the past & when students really needed to talk to someone we would set up something where they were assigned a "helper job" like collecting attendance, making announcements, leading prayer or some other such job to where the students were able to get out of class for a time without other students knowing the real reason why. If I had to guess, I would imagine the school is already doing something like that for some of your classmates & you don't even realize it. I would still encourage you to try to reach out to someone to at least see if there isn't some kind of arrangement that can be made to keep your meetings private.

best wishes,
Frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum


short-stufff
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Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/16/2009 8:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Frances.. i go to a Christian school so i see what you are saying. I think that could really work out:) im almost excited to talk to him! haha.. although, would it be bad to take a friend with me? or would that make it weird??

and cedabug i dont understand what you mean about talking to her about feelings?? haha sorry i just sorta got confused
ella xx


Tirzah
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Date Joined Jul 2008
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   Posted 6/16/2009 8:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Ella,
I think it would be fine to take a friend with for the first visit (assuming your friend is okay going with you). I know when I was 17 & needed to see my high school's social worker, the first time I went to see her, my best friend came over on her lunch break to go with me b/c I was so nervous. Then, when she had an issue & had to go to the police for something, I went with her. As long as your friend is comfortable with that, I don't see where the problem would be. You can ask her ahead of time; if she would be okay going with you, you can plan out your time/strategy for how & when you would go together to talk with the minister.

Do realize that it may not be possible for your friend to go with every time, but if you feel less nervous taking her with the first time I think that would probably be okay. :)

peace,
frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum


short-stufff
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/16/2009 9:06 PM (GMT -7)   
She says that she would like to go with me.. but im afraid of the times when she can't go... it will be SO! awkward.. haha i'm really shy when it comes to things like this! she talked to him one time about her brother in law going to Afghanistan and is a little worried that he will want to talk to her separately again after going with me... and another thing is.. do you think he will be judgmental? like im afraid of the possible different looks he will give me after knowing all of this....
ella xx


Tirzah
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2279
   Posted 6/16/2009 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Ella,
I don't think he will be judgmental of you. I would like to add that sometimes I misinterpret the faces that people make. A lot of time when people are confused, I misinterpret that as them being angry with me. I am wondering whether maybe you are experiencing something similar when you see the minister showing different facial expressions. But beyond natural expressions that are part of being human, I really doubt he would think anything less of you. I'm sure your friend could probably tell you a little better since she's talked to him before so maybe it's worth asking her whether he seemed judgmental of her situation.

Your friend may be right that the minister may want to ask her how she is doing after he finishes talking with you. It is natural for people to want to check in with others when they know that person was going through a hard time. So, that is a possibility. Maybe what you can do is offer to be there to support your friend if she is upset by the minister asking her how she is doing. That way you are both being good friends to each other.

Even if you're worried that you won't be comfortable meeting with him individually, I would encourage you to at least meet with him once. Maybe there are group sessions that he hosts that you could get involved with if that is more comfortable for you. Otherwise, I think it could be really good practice for you to try going to meet with him one-on-one. You don't have to do that right now, but try to remember that you have plenty of practice talking with people & I'm sure you will be fine. You have been very social in the past & are certainly capable of managing it. I know you are going through a really, really hard time right now & it sounds like you are very anxious about being with people.

What I would suggest is trying to focus your memories of cheering or any other fun things or relaxing things that you used to enjoy. You might even try reciting an affirmation (like "I am a friendly person & others enjoy being around me.") or bible verse (something uplifting like "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." or "Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer & supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God & the peace of God will be with you always."). Whatever works for you. Just keep repeating the sentence over & over in your head until either you get through the activity or the anxiety goes away.

Just like cheering, as you get more & more practice, it will get easier for you to get through activities without so much anxiety.

Hope that helps!

blessings,
Frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum


short-stufff
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/16/2009 9:49 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for the advice:) and i think my friend only really wants to go if she knows he won't want to talk to her.. do you think it would hurt his feelings if when i asked him if we could meet one day that when i brought my friend not to ask to talk to her?? And what if i never get to the point where i can talk to him alone?? is that bad? why am i afraid to talk to people though? is there a reason for it or is it just like normal or something? sorry for all of the questions.. im a question asker haha. oh and one major question is.. is it possible that past events are sorta holding me back? and along with depression does seeing things sorta come along? lately ive been afraid to even walk into my back yard alone at night time with my puppy.. i dont know why but i see things that i know aren't there and i get really scared easily.. wait.. is that anxiety??
ella xx


Tirzah
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2279
   Posted 6/16/2009 10:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Ella,
I will take a fresh look at your questions in the morning.

For tonight, let me just suggest that you try to practice those relaxation techniques I mentioned earlier -- either focusing on a mental video (like remembering how happy you were when you were cheering or such) or focusing on a "mantra" (repeating either in your head or out loud a calming or encouraging phrase).

Nothing you are saying you are feeling seems especially abnormal to me. I do think you could be helped by talking to a professional, but that does come with some vulnerability. Try not to get too far ahead of yourself. Why not go with your friend to see the minister & see how things go? If you're still too stressed out after that, you can always post again here to the Forum.

As far as how to handle your friend not wanting to talk more with the minister -- is she not doing well? If she's okay, I think if she is asked how she's doing, she could just say she's okay & that would be the end of it. If she's not okay, maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing for a caring adult to ask how she's doing & to offer to help.

sweet dreams,
Frances :)
Moderator -- Depression Forum


short-stufff
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/17/2009 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   
OK when should i go talk to him though? should i wait for school to start or should i like email him or something? and my friend is okay she is just not really wanting to sit down and talk really she does better figuring things out by herself but he found out her brother in law went to afghanistan and she doesn't want to have to sit down and talk about that right now i dont think shes ready..

okay thanks for answering my questions:]
ella xx


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 6/17/2009 4:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi SS,

It sounds like you are feeling very overwhelmed right now. You have a lot of unanswered questions. So I think that is even more reason for you to see somebody professional. Try to take life as it comes and do check into the relaxation techniques that Frances has mentioned to you. It would be good for your friend to talk to somebody too. She is also going through a lot right now.

I wish you both the best.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


short-stufff
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Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/17/2009 4:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Is there any possibility that my parents wouldn't know about it? because i don't think they can handle the stress of knowing about this right now.. okay thank you guys all for the advice:)

ella xx
ella xx


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
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   Posted 6/17/2009 8:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Most therapy or counseling is kept confidential. But I am not positive about that. You can ask before you start talking and let them know that you don't want to add anymore stress to your parents.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2279
   Posted 6/17/2009 9:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Ella,
It does depend a bit on what you say. If you are thought to be a danger to yourself, the counselor must disclose that information to various people, which would likely include your parents. Beyond that, the content of your sessions would very likely be confidential, but the fact that you are meeting with the minister might be shared with your parents. You should let the minister know that you want your conversations held in confidence before you start sharing.

It is possible that your parents could be worried about you going to counseling, but that is not very common. More often, parents are glad to know that their child has found someone who they trust to talk to & get help. Your parents already know that you've been through a lot of difficult times, so I don't imagine they would be surprised even if they did learn that you were reaching out for help. Sometimes parents are surprised that their child doesn't feel that s/he would be helped by talking with them, but it seems like with a little communication that parents usually come around & support their child's decision to seek help.

take care,
frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum


short-stufff
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/17/2009 9:54 PM (GMT -7)   
When you say a danger to myself do you mean like a possibility of hurting myself like suicidal or danger as in if i don't get help this could get a lot worse and end up bad..
The only true thing i'm afraid of [when telling my parents] is that my mom is really judgmental and she will never treat me the same after this.. she also can't keep a secret and will tell someone and it will most likely spread through the school.. do you think if i just did nothing it could turn out awful? or is there a possiblity of it correcting itself?!
ella xx


Godschick
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Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 6/18/2009 12:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Ella,
Hon my name is Sarah, I am 20 years old...
I am a christian, gave my hart to God when I was 7 years old, got baptisted when I was 11 years old.....
And I know how you are feeling....
As I feel depressed Most of the time and I always put myself down with negative words...
Sometimes I feel like dying or hiding in a corner and crying and crying for no reason....
i have had a lot of stuff happen that I have just bottled up and that is the way how I handle it...
But I am trying to Change that....
It says in the bible in phillipians 4:13 "I can do all things through christ that strengthens me."
Just remeber that we are in this togeather.
we can get through this with God's help..

short-stufff
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/18/2009 7:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Sarah:]
I feel the same way as you i'm just not fully at the point of really 'believing' yet. but I'm getting there:]
I'm going to a camp in a couple of weeks that is a Christian camp and i'll try to think a lot harder about what you said:] thanks!
ella xx


Tirzah
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2279
   Posted 6/18/2009 7:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Ella,
I wasn't trying to predict any kind of outcome for you whether you get help or not -- I was just pointing out that there are legal requirements that sometimes mandate counselors report what is said in a counseling session. They are very rare situations, but there are a few times where the counselor has to break confidence & I wanted you to be aware that if you are feeling that way & you talk about it with a counselor or teacher, that person would have to share what you said with others.

Short of that situation, a counselor should not be sharing the content of your discussions with others.

I think usually when someone is as affected by fear as you seem to be, that there needs to be some kind of intervening factor. Whether that "factor" is a counselor, medication, a self-help group, a religious group, or some other sort of treatment depends on the individual's needs, but in my experience, things like that generally don't just get better on their own. It seems that you are having a harder & harder time dealing with things that used to come easy to you, so I would encourage you to see out help. I mentioned a school counselor since you are 14 & probably don't have easy access to transportation. If you are able to get around town (bus, subway, etc.), then I can refer you to a service that might be able to set you up with a private counselor who could possibly work with you on a free or low-cost basis. If you are interested in that, let me know.

take care,
frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum


short-stufff
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/18/2009 8:02 PM (GMT -7)   
what would a circumstance be to where the person you're talking to would have to tell someone else about the discussions? i can do things like get on a subway or bus.. what do you have in mind though? would my parents know if i were to go see someone?
ella xx


Tirzah
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2279
   Posted 6/18/2009 8:07 PM (GMT -7)   
ella,
again, if you talk about hurting yourself or hurting someone else, the counselor would have to tell people the content of your conversation -- that is required by law in every state in the U.S. beyond that, sometimes counselors will disclose that they have met with a youth to the youth's parents, but will not tell the parents what the content of the discussion is -- that is not a legal requirement, but some counselors feel that parents should know where their children are.

you can try going to www.nineline.org or calling 1-800-999-9999 to get a name of a counselor that works in your area. once again, it is up to the counselor whether or not they will work for little to no money, and whether or not they will tell your parents that you are meeting with them. you can try asking the counselor ahead of time whether they will tell your parents that you see them.

best wishes,
frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum


short-stufff
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/18/2009 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
oh makes sense now. thank you. i really think i might tell my mum tomorrow... idk maybe not everything just tell her i need help? i dont know why but i feel like i should [first time i've ever thought this] it's odd. and okay thank you soooo soooo much!!!

ella xx
ella xx

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