am i living a double life?

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/18/2009 12:39 AM (GMT -6)   
I posted this on another forum.....just looking for someone to talk to

At times I feel like I am living a double life, at work, school with my friends I am the life of the party. I am confident, outgoing, caring, cheerful etc. I am good at my job and truly love what I do. I go out with my friends and when I go out, I go out to party. I party hard I usually end of drinking so much I throw up or black out. I either drink nothing, one beer or 10+. It usually causes problems in my relationships. I have been in two long term relationships over the past 7 years and just started up a new one in Feb. This past Thursday I got so drunk that I blacked out again and just went crazy for completely irrational reasons. But I always have these completely irrational thoughts! I obsesses over the smallest things, such as someone taking my parking spot I always park in at work. I get extremely emotional and I can't think clearly and I get so angry sometimes that I say things that are so hurtful and I say it to the people I love most and that are closest to me. On the outside I look put together, but on the inside it is complete chaos.

Does anyone feel the same?

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18573
   Posted 6/18/2009 1:48 AM (GMT -6)   
it seems that you feel validated when you are partying. and i feel that the real validation in life is lacking. i feel that this behaviour may well be aviodance coping, the drink, the partying seems to be a form of masking, not a double life. look within my friend, you have done real well in noticing this, along with having the courage to post your situation. jamie.
ps, sorry for being a matter of fact, as i have been in your predicament along time ago to.
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder. oh, and swise, a big welcome to you. we really care, thx for sharing. jamie

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40406
   Posted 6/18/2009 7:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I deleted your other post being that they were the same. It is part of the rules, no duplicate posts.

I have to say that the alcohol is messing you up. It is a depressant and makes you depressed. Also drinking to the point of throwing up or blacking out is not good.

You maybe find more confidence when drinking. But it is a false sense of confidence. It isn't you. Well, maybe you, but drunk. Also you said that you get somewhat argumentive when you drink. That is no way to live.

You sound young, you have many years to party. So think about that. Work on getting a career and building relationships while sober.

You might want to take counseling into consideration. You could explore why you want to get so drunk. I myself like to have a drink once in a while. But don't like the feeling of lack of control, so I do not get drunk. This can be done. But if I were you, I would seek counseling and quit drinking for a while until you can control the amount of alcohol that you drink. Not only are you getting irrational, sick and blacking out. You probably look foolish to your friends. Maybe they laugh at the time, but I am sure that they talk about it later. Don't give them anything to talk about. Seek help. And remember that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/18/2009 11:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Swise2085,

I’m really glad that you have friends in your life and a job that you love. I would hate to see you jeopardize those things by drinking heavily and acting irrationally because of it. I can see in your post that you already realize that your drinking causes problems in your relationships, and that it causes you to behave in ways that are unhealthy and antisocial. I am certainly not a professional…..I am just a member here, like you are…..but I can tell you from personal experience that heavy drinking makes everything worse…..the depression, the obsessive or irrational thoughts and behaviours, and the emotional chaos that you experience inside. I hope you will give some serious thought to quitting the alcohol. I agree with Karen about the counseling….it could really help you to cope with the problems and feelings that cause you to drink this heavily in the first place, and IMO, that is an important first step to getting your life back on track.

Please give it some thought, and know that there are people here who understand and really care about you and your situation. I hope you will come back and post some more for support, and let us know how things are going.
Moderator, Depression Forum

“No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night.” ~Elie Wiesel



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