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short-stufff
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/18/2009 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   
i'm honestly at the point of breaking right now..

nothing is going right and my days get longer and longer and worse and worse and i cant sleep at night! im now afraid to even go to my backyard at night time because im afraid someone is there to hurt me! i dont know why i feel this! my best friend is most likely moving schools.. my dad is blaming everything on me.. it's like i don't exist anymore.

i don't think i can even trust myself..
my best friend just had a baby.. that made me happy for all of a couple of hours until everyone out that i was best friends who's 15 and just had a baby.. and then EVERYONE started judging.. it's awful.

in 12 days my parents are sending me to camp for 4 weeks so they don't have to deal with me [i think that's their reason for sending me.... why else would they force me to go!?]

im afraid of what might happen....

im about to freak out.. i really just cannot handle myself anymore.
ella xx


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/18/2009 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ella,

I hope you will take the earlier advice on the other thread and talk to someone, whether it be the minister you mentioned or another counselor. I hate to see you hurting like this, and I want you to know that you don't have to go through this alone. Yes, you CAN trust yourself......you have a lot more strength inside than you realize. If your best friend was hurting like this, wouldn't you do anything that you could to help her to feel better? That is the kind of devotion you need to focus on yourself right now. Please do talk to someone, Ella.....you deserve to feel at peace and happy about things again. (((hugs)))
 
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.”  ~Kahlil Gibran

 

 


short-stufff
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/18/2009 7:21 PM (GMT -7)   
i know but im really afraid to talk to him.. i wish i could explain why but i cant im just afraid. i would do anything to help my best friend feel better.. but idk im afraid to let people know because when people want to talk in person i cant talk i just freeze. its really weird so i feel better idk being alone?? and i cant trust myself i cant even trust myself alone i just cant.
i know i cant.
ella xx


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/18/2009 7:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ella,

I'm really sorry you're struggling so much! It's understandable that you would be afraid to talk to the minister.....I was really afraid to talk to my therapist when I first went to see her, too, but I was amazed at how things just started pouring out once I got past the first few minutes. It's a really good feeling to be able to let the feelings out like that. Please stop telling yourself that you can't trust yourself.....words are powerful, Ella, and you are just convincing yourself more and more with every word. Instead, when you find yourself saying those things, STOP....and say to yourself, "I can trust myself...I know I can!" You have the power inside you to change your mind about this, okay? Wouldn't it be great if you summoned the courage to talk to your minister, and walked out after your appointment feeling better? What a great relief that would be! Just please think about this, okay?
 
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.”  ~Kahlil Gibran

 

 


short-stufff
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/18/2009 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
but [not to sound like stuck upy mean because this may sound like that but i dont want it to] if i said i can believe myself.. wouldnt i be lying to myself!?? and someone said it got worse before it got better... and i don't really want to see the worst... so if i didn't do anything would i be making it worse?
ella xx


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/18/2009 7:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ella,

No, you don't sound stuck up, don't worry! You wouldn't be lying to yourself....you would be telling yourself the truth, IMO. I think the fear is clouding your judgment about yourself, that's all. In other words, if you didn't have this fear running the show right now, you would realize how strong you are inside and how much you really CAN believe in yourself.....do you know what I mean?

I'm going to have to log off in a minute, as it's getting late where I am, but I want you to hang in there and think about the counseling. It can be a really good experience! I say this because of my own positive experience, and also because I care. :-)

Please keep us posted about this, okay? And take good care of yourself....you deserve it!
 
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.”  ~Kahlil Gibran

 

 


short-stufff
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 6/18/2009 7:58 PM (GMT -7)   
what's IMO? and i dont know i think your right about the fear getting in the way.. but i cant help it. thanks for caring! it means a lot! and okay goodnight!! sleep really well!!!!
ella xx


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2279
   Posted 6/18/2009 8:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Ella,
Raniah's already given you great advice & I don't have anything to add about that.

The only other thing I did want to say is to encourage you that I don't think your parents want to get rid of you by sending you to camp. I don't know your parents & can't say for sure, but it sounds like they have strong Christian values & are trying to do everything possible to impart those values to you. You are your own person & can make up your own mind about what you want to believe, but it honestly sounds like they are just trying to share their beliefs with you.

The problem with depression is that it can often lead to paranoia. Paranoia means thinking that people are thinking bad thoughts about you, or at its worst, are trying to do things to get rid of you or to hurt you. Again, I would encourage you to talk to a trusted adult about your feelings. If you can't talk to your mom, that's fine. But I still want to encourage you to talk to someone you do trust -- your dad (if he's around), your extended family, your friend's parents, a teacher, a counselor, a coach, etc. It really is important for us to face our problems, rather than just trying to run from them or hide from them or pretend they don't exist. That doesn't help anything & almost always makes the problem worse.

We are happy to help you as much as we are able on this Forum, but forum members can only do so much & are not a good substitute for face-to-face therapy. Please keep your mind open to different options that might be available to you. Realize that Raniah is exactly right that once someone (& I speak from personal experience) goes to see their counselor/minister/etc. the first time, that a lot of that nervous stress goes away. Our fears tend to be much worse than reality.

gb,
frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum

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