feeling hopeless

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love me hard
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 6/29/2009 11:05 AM (GMT -7)   
my boyfriend and i are just completely hopeless, we are once again at eachothers throats, he thinks and swears up and down that i cheat on him, and i dont i wouldnt ever do that i love him to much and i ask him to come over anytime,whenever he wants to and he never does. n then i think he's cheating on me b/c he's sitting here trying to convince me that i am, and i just get soo worked up at him. i say no i love you i want only you, and if i dont answer my phone he's sooo immature, he will be like oh you must be busy with 'him'. i have tried to just be like whatever i love him and he's just running his mouth but everytime im assurring him he just keeps coming back with something even worse, i'm 25 and he's 32 why in the hell is he acting like he's 16!!!! just really stressed, dont know what to do, all weekend long i have asked myself, if im a stronger woman, by staying with him and poving to him he's the only one i love and want, or am i stroner by leaving him in the dust and making him realize he is really upsetting me and hurting me alot, i tell him how i feel and all he says is he is sorry
 
Edit: I changed your color from the orange to blue as orange is very difficult to read.  :) Thanks.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 6/30/2009 7:02:19 AM (GMT-6)


Hara
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 6/29/2009 11:22 AM (GMT -7)   
In my exp. the person who says or accusses the other one of cheating is the one who is cheating. I have to follow your heart sweetie. I know what I would do. I would drop kick that immature man to the moon and tell him to stay there, but that's just me.
 
HARA

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/29/2009 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Love Me Hard,

I have to agree with Hara....you should follow your heart. Our instincts about things are there for a reason. You're correct in saying that your boyfriend is being immature. I don't like the idea of him accusing you of cheating all the time....that's emotional abuse, in my opinion. If you're feeling hurt and upset all the time, then you should give some serious thought to whether or not it's really worth it. Please let us know how it goes. You have my best wishes.
 
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.”  ~Kahlil Gibran

 

 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 6/29/2009 12:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with these guys. I went through it years ago. My boyfriend at that time was always accusing me of cheating. And it was him that was doing it. Like Raniah said, this is emotional abuse. So I would think this relationship through.

Best wishes to you

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18742
   Posted 6/30/2009 2:41 AM (GMT -7)   
agree with the later part of your post my dear. you deserve a man, not a boy. his behaviour is childish. you have put up with this for way too long my dear. keep strong and positive.
 
jamie, ps i wish you well.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/30/2009 6:05 AM (GMT -7)   

You have been giving some good advice.  I was actually married to a man such as this once upon a time............I believe your boyfriend is being verbally abusive and is not mature enough to enter into a lasting relationship at this time. Just my 2 cents.

Do follow your gut instinct on this one and take care of you first.

Gentle Hugs
Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis & GERD/Heartburn
Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
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Not a mental health professional of any kind


love me hard
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 6/30/2009 7:15 AM (GMT -7)   
im not the innoscent one here tho, i have accssed him of cheating on me too. its just the worst feeling ever in the world that i never want that to happen to me,and my mond wonders , b/c my dad chaeted on my mother, my friends have been cheated on and so i feel like its gonna happen to me, i know why i accuse him of doing it, but there is nothing keeping him with me, we dont have kids together, we dont share bills. so i think if he really wanted out of this relationship why just tell me, we have broken up b4 and he just straight out told me. it's just on my mind all the time and i cant stand thinking about it everyday,

Hara
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 6/30/2009 1:14 PM (GMT -7)   
nono  Don't think about it everyday. "JUST DO IT!" Get it over with and move on to the next man that will be a nice guy and mature enough to want a lasting relationship with you.
 
HARA

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 6/30/2009 2:32 PM (GMT -7)   
You either have to condition your mind so that you don't think about it every day. Or else get out of the situation. It isn't easy, but it is possible. When I was younger, my boyfriend was accusing me of cheating. Well it was him. So I didn't trust him after that. But I had to condition my mind to not care. Or not think about it. I decided if he was mine, that is the way it would be. And if he wasn't then I would find out. I couldn't stand to be suspicious and jealous all of the time. We ended up being together for 23 years. But still to this day, I believe that he cheated during the relationship. But that was just how it was. And ignorance was bliss. It is all up to you whether you want to continue to go through this.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18742
   Posted 7/1/2009 4:27 AM (GMT -7)   
karen makes excellent sense. all the best. jamie.

notsosicklygirl
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 14139
   Posted 7/1/2009 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   
I personally think that at 25 years old, you should probably be on your way. It sounds like he has too much baggage to be dragging you down. When I was 24/25 I met my current BF and I WISH someone had told me what I just told you. Perhaps they did but I didn't listen. Now here I am 30 years old, dealing with the same stuff I dealt with years ago. Constant promises, no follow through. It just gets harder.
 
Today I am worried about what to do, never know if the relationship will make it to tomorrow. Not sure if I want it to make it to tomorrow. I don't worry so much about cheating, he is pretty loyal and trust is not so much the issue with us. The issue is, what does he bring to the table? I ask myself that question all the time and I can't think of a thing. He isn't responsible or a traditional man, he doesn't want to provide for me or a family, he isn't neat, he doesn't do things around the house, he never puts me first. When I feel bad, he isn't there to make me feel better, no gifts, nothing special on holidays, What do I get out of this?
 
Ask yourself the same question. You don't have trust so that's not even something to consider. Does he support you emotionally? financially? Do you laugh together? Have fun? does he surprise you? make you feel special? put your feelings first? Does he make your life easier? Does having him in your life make your life better? Is this mutually beneficial to both of you? Can you see him and you together living the lifestyle you desire for your future?
 
I ask myself these questions and the answer is NO to all. What am I doing? I consider him one of my best friends but as a partner, he brings nothing to the table.
 
He stresses me out, makes me feel bad about myself and my goals, he always put himself first... Honestly, it has gotten so bad that I am now suffering from GI problems. I have always wondered if the physicial issues I have are due to putting myself in this emotionally taxing state for so long. You need to be with someone who makes you happy. It doesn't sound like you do that for eachother. Move on now, it only gets harder.
Diagnosed with mild proctitis in March 2007: Treated with Canasa (as needed)
December 08: Began treating with Asacol 400mg (9/day) + Canasa 2x/day - Anemic
May 09: Off Canasa, taking Asacol (9/day)
Back on Canasa every other night + Asacol (9/day) + Probiotics + Iron
Reducing to 6 Asacol/day + Canasa + Probiotics + Iron - So far so good!!! -SPOKE TOO SOON! Back to 9/day...

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