do you think this is possible?????

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bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 6/30/2009 2:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Have any of you seriously ever wondered if maybe your depression is at least partially caused by the people who surround you in your life?
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I'm dealing with my own issues, as well as a husband in a rehab, who also is being diagnosed with depression.


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/30/2009 2:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bionca,

Great question! Yes, I do think that circumstances, and being around negative and/or toxic people, can really affect a person's mental health. Do you have something specific in mind that we could help with?
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 6/30/2009 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bionca,

I definately have had that situation before. I think it is called situational depression. People around you can bring you down. I know that it is only if you let them, but that happens sometimes. We have to work on ourselves to get better. Sometimes breaking ties with the person or thing that is causing it. I had to break away from my family at one time. And when I did, I got a lot stronger. Even to the point where I was able to deal with them. This does happen. And it can be very hard to deal with at times.

Are you seeing a counselor or anything? They can often help you with these things. You can learn to be assertive and cope with people who would normally get you down. You learn self esteem, therefore people like that cannot bother you.

I do wish you the best with this. You can learn to get through this and we can help you.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 6/30/2009 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. Raniah, let me bring you kind of up to speed on my household. As Karen knows, about a year ago my husband went into rehab for drugs. He's been clean for a little over a year - buttttttt - now he's back into the drinking thing again. I'm so tired of fighting the good fight to keep this family together. Our son just graduated last Friday. Now, I'm thinking, this is kind of  a different ball game. I'm no longer feeling a need to do all I can do to keep this family together.  I kind of feel more used and abused than depressed. It's amazing how happy I can be when I'm not around my husband and I feel guilty about it. I've fought my husband's substance abusing brain for over 20 years now. My step daughter, who is 24, says she thinks I deserve some happiness in my life and that no one would blame me in the least if I left her father. Please don't think this is an "evil step daughter" talking. she knows just about everything I've been thru with her father and she has even invited me to come stay with her down south until I can get back on my feet.
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I'm dealing with my own issues, as well as a husband in a rehab, who also is being diagnosed with depression.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 6/30/2009 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
That was wonderful of your step daughter to say. I am glad that she offered to be there for you. It is good that she knows what her dad is like and it shows that she really cares about you and respects you. At least you know right now that there are options for you. That takes a lot of pressure off when making these types of decisions.

Keep posting as we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/30/2009 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bionca,

Wow, my heart really goes out to you. Living with someone who has a substance abuse problem, whether it is drugs or drinking, is really tough. Something really stood out to me in your post. You said, “It’s amazing how happy I can be when I’m not around my husband and I feel guilty about it.” If you are feeling happier when he’s not around, HE is the one who should feel guilty. It sounds to me like he is making your life miserable! I hope you don’t mind me being that blunt, but you have been dealing with this for a long time……20 years is no small amount of time, Bionca. You do deserve happiness in your life, and your step-daughter sounds like a smart woman who really cares and wants to help you. At the very least, I would consider taking a vacation to see her, or at least a few days away from him somewhere, in order to clear your head and really think about your options. That’s my honest opinion. I really hope things get better for you, and I send you lots of wishes for peace of mind, and peace in your heart.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18751
   Posted 7/1/2009 4:01 AM (GMT -7)   
for me, i feel it has been a terrific learning exp being around all types of people. even the best people can become a tad toxic and the not so good ones can became good. regardless of where we stand, and for people who are either good-bad-or ugly are still people. even for me with truck loads of compassion i myself do get peeved with people who only have hatred in their hearts. i send those alike this with love, for that is what they are truely missing. i assume nothing, even if i have walked a mile in their shoes!! we are all different, yet the same, albeit a road has many stops, signposts on the way. good post. thx. jamie

bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 7/2/2009 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
today is our anniversary of 22 years and guess who is all by herself?! my husband came home this morning after going to his friends house for coffee (there was coffee already made here), made himself breakfast, then left me instructions to wake him up at 2 because he has to go help his drinking buddy, Jim, do things in his yard. Jim is having a July 4 party so this has priority. Needless to say, I am feeling depressed about this whole day. I think alot of people would feel the same way. It's raining outside so I can't even go outside and do something I find enjoyable like my veggie garden or fishing. I'm trying really hard not to feel sorry for myself but it just makes me so sad inside, I just wanna cry.
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I'm dealing with my own issues, as well as a husband in a rehab, who also is being diagnosed with depression.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 7/2/2009 9:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Bionca,

Some of the best fishing is in the rain. I would go anyway. It will do you good. As long as the rain isn't too hard. It is raining here too, but mostly misting. So that isn't bad. We were going to pick strawberries today, but are not now because of the rain.

I am sorry that your husband is preoccupied with his drinking buddy. Did you mention your anniversary to him. Maybe he forgot. It might do some good to mention it. He might be innocently forgetting it.

I understand how you feel. My first husband was a lot like yours. Everything revolved around him. My life included. Sometimes he would do things with me, but when I was just getting use to it, plans would change and I would be left hanging.

I hope that you bring your anniversary up to your husbands attention. Maybe he would change his plans.

Take care and remember we are always here for you Bionca.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 7/2/2009 10:12 AM (GMT -7)   
I did mention our anniversary this morning, but apparently, it's a bigger deal to me than it is to him.  He knew before he left this morning. I thought that when he got home, we would spend the day together, I guess I was mistaken. Perhaps, it's time for me to move on. I've thought about this many times over the years but I always find it so hard to go. I don't understand my guilt. I don't understand why I still love this man. I don't understand why I want his affection. A friend of mine says I'm comfortable with being uncomfortable, maybe she's right, since I haven't know any kind of long lasting tranquility in decades.
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I'm o.k. but I have my share of ups and downs.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 7/2/2009 11:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Often we do get comfortable in a situation, even if it isn't good. It is all we know. I went for years thinking I was happy when I was not. It was until I felt better that I realized it. But we get so acustomed to a certain situation that it ends up feeling normal. So that is what your friend probably meant.

What about taking some time away and seeing how it feels. It could do you some good and you would have time to think of a plan for yourself. It could be a good awakening for him too. I think that he takes for granted that you will always be there. I guess because you have been there through everything.

Start doing some good things for yourself. Maybe visit your stepdaughter for a week or so. See how it feels, it could be liberating for you.

Best wishes my friend

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/2/2009 4:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bionca,

I was married to a man that treated me very badly. I stayed with him longer than I should have, and kept hoping that things would change. They never did, and eventually I had to leave for my own safety and sanity. I'm not telling you to leave if you don't want to or you're not ready to. I just want you to make sure that you look after your own needs and find a way to be happy, with or without him. Please don't let your life pass you by while you wait for him to change. Make your own happiness, and decide what is best for YOU. (((Hugs)))
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 

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