Need a Bit of Help finding Love

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Shannow
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/1/2009 6:26 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi all,

 

I’m new here. I’ve been finding things a bit tough again recently, so I thought I’d try and get some help. I don’t know whether the answers I seek will be found here or not, but it’s certainly worth a try. Firstly, a bit of background information-

 

I am a 20-year-old Australian male, and I am currently a full-time University student. I do a little bit of casual work, but not a huge deal. Almost three years to the day now, back in my final year of school, I started noticing myself worrying more than usual, about small things, inconsequential things. Then what I like to call the ‘big worry’ hit, and I was incapacitated. Eventually I told my parents, and we went to the doctors. I was diagnosed with mild depression and acute anxiety. Worries came and worries went, but I was always worried about something. The worry absolutely consumed me, and I regressed from everyone, because contact simply caused more problems. I didn’t even go to my final formal.

 

So, the next year comes along and I’m studying at University now. Things eventually got better, but never fully. I began to struggle with concepts such as religion and morality, feeling that everything I was doing was somehow wrong or bad. When you can’t do the things that make you happy without pain, there’s something very wrong. I started to believe I had obsessive-compulsive disorder, and when things got so bad that I couldn’t take it anymore, I went to the doctors and had it confirmed. Along with this, I began seeing a specialist. Eventually, with the help of some medication, things got better than they had been in two years.

 

But it wasn’t over yet. Now that my problems were over, I began to realise that, hey, I’m surrounded by people and yet I’m completely alone. The loneliness was crippling, so, three years on and with no explanation of my disappearance, I tentatively started to make contact with my friends of old again. I opened up my computer’s messenger program, and signed up on FaceBook. Eventually, I began seeing some of them again. It didn’t seem the same, though, which is understandable I guess. I can’t expect to be gone three years and not have my friends move on in some sense or other.

 

Things still didn’t feel right, however. I wanted more. I wanted love. Not sex, that would be easy enough to come by if I wanted it, but love. And, as much as I fought it, I began to fall for one of my friends, the one I had shared with, the one who cared and understood. And fight it I did. On and off. She knows that for me, meeting with friends again has been difficult, and I’ve felt everything from love, to hatred, to depression, to jealousy, to loneliness and so forth. These people have been out living their lives, and even though some are younger than I, they seem to have experienced more. She does not know, however, that most of those emotions were inspired from her. And I don’t plan on sharing that. In the past she’s not had much luck with love herself, but she seems to have found somebody nice for her now, which is good for her. We had been flirting a bit online (at least, I considered it flirting- she was saying stuff like “you can hold my hand” and stuff like that) and she had said that she was not sure if she was ready for committment with the other guy, so I thought I’d take my chance.

 

We jokingly posted comments about having make-out sessions online, then she asked if she could get rid of hers. I asked why, does it bother you? She said it’s not that, it’s just that she’s been seeing this other guy. I don’t know whether she does or whether she could actually like me, but I knew then that I wasn’t in the picture. I had dared to hope, and it had cost me. Now I’m struggling to get my old iron heart back into place, but I need a bit of help doing so.

 

I’m still looking for love, but I don’t know where to turn. Simply put, I'm getting towards the end of my tether. Again. I'm not desperate, though, and i won't go for just anyone, because I know that'll only cause more pain. I am not a particularly outgoing person, and every time I’ve hit the clubs and bars at night I haven’t enjoyed it. I’m on break for the next month or so at University, so that’s not really in the question, and there are next to no girls in my classes, or at least none I’m interested in. As for work, I’m not really there that often, and when I am I’m normally so busy serving customers and not being allowed to move that there’s no time or chance to talk.

 

I’m in a bit of a rut here, to put it simply. What can I do? Any advice is much appreciated.

 

Thanks!

Post Edited (Shannow) : 7/1/2009 7:29:54 PM (GMT-6)


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/1/2009 6:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shannow,

Welcome to the depression forum. I’m glad you gave us such a great introduction! It’s good that you’ve been able to find medical assistance from your physician and help from meds, and it sounds like you are doing pretty well overall except for the wish to have someone special in your life. Have you got any hobbies or personal interests that you engage in outside of work and school? I’m wondering if there is a club or association of some sort which you could attend, and thereby give yourself a chance to meet others (maybe women) with similar interests. That’s my first thought, but I’ll give it some more consideration and see what else I can come up with. You sound like a kind and interesting person, and I hope you’ll come back and post some more with us.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Shannow
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/1/2009 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Raniah, I appreciate that =)
 
I do have a hobby; wargaming. I don't do it all that often due to being busy with life and all, but it's there. Unfortunately this is another of those things that you don't see very many girls in. Nevertheless, it is something to consider- perhaps I could find additional hobbies that would be more likely to have girls. Not that I know of such a thing =P
 
Anything you, or anyone else, could come up with is appreciated as well.
 
Thanks!

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2279
   Posted 7/1/2009 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shannow!
I also wanted to welcome you. I think Raniah gave as good of advice as could be given. Wanting love is a tough place to be in. I'm not sure I personally could stand to be sharing the kind of closeness you & your female friend share without wanting it to lead to something more, but if you feel you are able to just be friends, maybe that is helpful.

I am glad to hear you feel you are making some progress re-connecting with friends. I know when I withdrew from all my friends when I got depressed it was really hard to make myself start to interact with them again. They were perfectly nice, but it's just hard to change habits, I guess.

I just wanted to encourage you to keep taking positive steps & moving in the right direction. Making progress usually seems really, really slow-going, but I myself have seen that all those little steps really do add up & before you know it things will start to turn around for you.

Keep posting here! I'm sure others will be along before long to share their advice & stories. :)

blessings,
Frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum


Shannow
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/1/2009 10:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Frances,
 
Frances said...
Wanting love is a tough place to be in. I'm not sure I personally could stand to be sharing the kind of closeness you & your female friend share without wanting it to lead to something more, but if you feel you are able to just be friends, maybe that is helpful.
 
To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I can stand it myself. Perhaps I need to back off a bit, for my sanity's sake. For a while, at least. Goodness only knows I've been back and forth enough already =P Or perhaps I do need to talk to her again, and make things right. I did kind of leave it at an awkward moment last time, lol! She's a good person, I know she cares and I don't want to hurt her.
 
Frances said...
They were perfectly nice, but it's just hard to change habits, I guess.
 
Indeed it is. Unfortunately I was rather in the habit of testing people (still sort of am), waiting for them to come to me. I was using the logic that, hey, if they really wanted to do something, then they'd ask. I don't think I need to mention the flaws with this theory =P
 
Frances said...
I just wanted to encourage you to keep taking positive steps & moving in the right direction. Making progress usually seems really, really slow-going, but I myself have seen that all those little steps really do add up & before you know it things will start to turn around for you.
 
Thankyou, and I hope so =) This loneliness has been around for about half a year now. Sure, there've been good times, but there've been bad times too, and unfortunately at this stage of the game the bad seem to be outweighing the good. Still, it's not for forever now. I'll keep at it.
 
[quote]
Frances said...
Keep posting here! I'm sure others will be along before long to share their advice & stories. :)
 
I will! And I hope others come along to share too!
 
Frances said...
blessings,
Frances
 
Thankyou very much as well =)

Post Edited (Shannow) : 7/1/2009 11:18:25 PM (GMT-6)


ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 7/2/2009 12:36 AM (GMT -7)   
A few ideas:

* drink tea / coffee and eat lunch (even if it is a packed lunch from home) in the Union or anywhere else interesting-looking students congregate. If you go there regularly, people will start to recognise you and seek you out.
* try a different club or society. Drama societies and choirs can be good here, as they often attract unusual arty people who are less conformist and judgemental; and you may well find a niche there, even if it's "just" as stage crew or front of house.
* go to movie nights etc organised by the uni. If you go often enough, people will start to recognise and talk to you.
* try catching the bus or train home - again, if you do it regularly enough you might meet someone special
* bars and clubs are not always the best place to find love. They can be a meat-market. Again, I think your best bet is to find a group where people can get to know you as a *person*, not a sex-object. Have patience, and see what happens.
* volunteer somewhere - e.g. putting together the student newspaper?
* you could try Rovers. It's for both men and women these days
* or you could try using the student gym regularly?
* or go and watch & support the girls' netball and hockey teams... and perhaps volunteer as a scorer / putter away of seats / whatever. You might meet a few girls that way.


Please remember that you may be more attractive to girls than you think. Many girls actually prefer to spend time with men who have a brain, and who have enough emotional insight to hold a proper conversation. Have faith in yourself, keep trying to meet and talk to people, and be patient. Love can take time to develop. This time, now, may be when you are laying the groundwork for future love :-) so don't despair. Give it time, and keep trying.

Hope these ideas help.

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

New meds thread


Shannow
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/2/2009 3:25 AM (GMT -7)   
I was starting to feel hopeless again, so I came back here, only to find your ideas, Ivy. And I think they are great. There's nothing I love more than a plan of action, and with these ideas I can certainly start to make one. So thankyou!
 
If anyone else wishes to contribute their ideas or experiences, I'll be happy to read them.

ad1
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 7/2/2009 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shannow

I guess I'm in a similar situation. I left school at 14 because of depression and anxiety and I just couldn't face it anymore, I hated it. I was always very social, on all the sports teams and very outgoing and had a few girlfriends between the age of 11 and 13/14. about a year before I left it all changed, I became very depressed, I stopped going out, didn't see any girls, stopped talking to friends, I basically consigned myself to my room and sat on my computer when I got in from school. I never did my homework and never listened in class and my grades just kept declining.

Then when I left I lost contact with all of my friends for years, or most of them anyway, I spoke to a few a couple of times but only on the internet and I only met a few a couple of times. Facebook came a long and I talked to more and more people I used to know but it just wasn't the same, like you said. I met with a few of them last summer a couple of times to play footy but they all went back to uni after that and everything went back to normal. I'm 21 now and haven't really had a single friend since I was 14.

Last year a girl I went out with while I was at school added me on facebook, we got chatting but that was it, then a few months later we got chatting again, then it started to become more of a regular thing and eventually we arranged to meet up. As it got closer to meeting up we both realised that it was more of a date than just two friends. Anyway, we started seeing each other but it didn't last long, 2 months. It was my first relationship since I was 14, my first friend even, I was 20 at the time.

As I hadn't had much social contact I became very attached and when it ended I was distraught, I had nobody to talk to and nothing to do. I wasn't working at the time due to my ongoing depression/anxiety issues and I've been in and out of work and education since I left school (mostly out). It was difficult but I'm over it now, that was over 7 months ago. It was a complicated situation anyway, she was a troubled girl and she had a child so maybe I was better off.

I don't go out a lot so meeting people is hard, especially people of my own age who are all out partying and having a good time but last week I met another girl. She lives over the fence, opposite my house. I noticed she was flirting with me and then she shouted from her window that she was coming round to the front of my house. She asked for my number and I gave it to her. The problem is, she's 15. A 6 year age difference wouldn't normally be frowned upon but because we are so young it is a big issue. We have been seeing each other and talking a lot for the past week. Her mother thinks im 17 (I look young). I've urged her to tell her the truth but she won't. I don't know what to do.

Sorry for my rant and for stealing your thread! I just thought I'd post this here as my situation is similar to yours!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 7/2/2009 8:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Ad1,

Watch out for the young girl, you could get into a lot of trouble.... Find somebody your own age. That is safer. I really and truly wouldn't want to see you get in trouble because she is so young.


Shannow,

Please remember that you will meet somebody in time. It could be just around the corner. Bars, no. Bookstores, yes. Places where you can meet somebody special. We are all meant to find somebody interesting in our lives. Whether it just being friendship or if it is love. But it seems to happen when you least expect it. So keep trying to get better and work on yourself. It will happen, I know this. It will be what is meant to be. You are a good person and in time you will find your match.

Best wishes to you both.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ad1
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 7/2/2009 10:26 AM (GMT -7)   
I know Karen, it's just difficult as I enjoy talking to her beacuse normally I have nobody to talk to. The age of consent here is 16 but it doesn't bother me, I know I can't sleep with her. I like her, and that's all it is right now so I'm just seeing how it goes, the age does worry me though and it will probably end badly if she doesn't tell her mum the truth. As the adult I feel a sort of responsibility that I should tell her mum but I'm really not sure what I should do. I either tell her mum and she stops us from seeing each other or I continue to avoid her mum and see her until her mum finds out anyway! argh! It's a difficult situation :)

Shannow
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/2/2009 4:26 PM (GMT -7)   
It sure sounds difficult, ad1, that's for sure. I'm a bit worried about giving bad advice myself, but I would tend to agree with Getting By in that it could lead to trouble. I feel just being friends is ok, though, as far as I can see it. You sound like a good, responsible person, so I hope it all works out well for you.
 
As for getting back out, sometimes I've found that taking that difficult step of asking your old friends to do something can help. I don't know your situation or the situation of the people you talk with, but why not suggest something like, "hey, why not meet down at the mall and catch up a bit?" at some time, next time you're on Facebook with them or something. It can be hard to do, this I know, but given time it can be rewarding too. Just remember, while they've had different experiences in life, so have you. You are no less worthy.
 
Given time, you may find that some of them do something regularly together- my friends meet down at the local club every Friday night. It was a bit wierd at first, but then I became part of the group again, and I've met new people there too. I'm not normally a club person, but meeting with friends again was great. And if they don't do something regularly together, perhaps you could try and arrange something.
 
As I said, I'm a bit concerned about giving bad advice, or advice that could end up turning out for the worse, but hopefully this will help give you a start.
 
To Getting By, I thank you. I will keep trying. I'm feeling much better today.
 
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 7/2/2009 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Ad1,

I wonder if it would be best if you did talk to her mom and explain that you are friends with her. I would be careful with the whole situation, just because of her age. When you get older, it wont matter that much. Those few years will matter less and less as time goes by.

Shannow,

I am glad that you are feeling much better today. You sound a lot better too. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will in time get there. Keep moving forward. But take life one day at a time, that is all that we can do. Like I said before, you never know what lies around that next corner. You will find your dream girl in time. When you very least expect it.

Take care both of you,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ad1
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 7/3/2009 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   
I got a puppy 5 weeks ago and because of her I've been spending more time in the garden. That's also how I met this girl. Also, yesterday I was taking her for a walk and bumped into an old friend from school who I hadn't seen for about 7 years and I gave him my number and he asked me to play tennis with him as he was looking for someone to play with. So as much as a nightmare my puppy is she has already got me in contact with two people in only five weeks. People always want to stroke her when I take her for a walk too so socially it's been pretty good for me.

As for the situation with the girl I really am not sure what I'm gonna do. I think I'm probably just going to leave it and see how it goes, I'm enjoying talking and spending time with her and we aren't really doing anything wrong, we haven't even kissed yet, it's just that her mum thinks I'm 17 and as the adult I feel like I should be the one to tell her the truth! But then I risk not seeing her again.

ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 7/3/2009 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I would investigate the *complete* age of consent laws if I were you.

In my state, the age of consent is only provisional at age 16: it means a young person can have a relationship with someone a few years older than herself, but it would still be illegal for a much older person to pursue a relationship with that young person.

Don't rely on hearsay or what your friends tell you. Ask an expert who is qualified in the field. I really do worry you could be heading for serious legal trouble if you pursue a relationship with this girl. And I think it's very important you come clean with her mother: you do not want to have to deal with an angry, frightened and defensive mother.

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

New meds thread


ad1
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 7/4/2009 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your concern Ivy. I'm in the UK and from what I've read as long as we don't sleep together or engage in any sexual activity before she turns 16 then we aren't doing anything wrong. This isn't the issue that worries me though, it's more the going behind her mums back. I'm moving house at the end of July so we won't be living right next to each other anymore. If her mum doesn't know my real age by then and if we are still seeing each other then I think I'll tell her then.

Shannow
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/5/2009 2:10 AM (GMT -7)   
 
Zapped said...

Mate,

 

There's only one way to find love. First learn to love yourself, not egotisically, but health and spiritually wise. Money matters not

 

Learn to be honest, open and trustworthy. Make yourself into that person you want to be.

 

Then don't search for love, it will find you as you live your life. Searching for love is like searching for happiness, you never catch it and even if you think you have it changes before you know.

 

Be yourself forst and always, look within, not without.

 

Facebook is not for serious relationships and I do so pity your generation in having to rely on social networks and texts etc for contact.

 

Live life, not unreality.

I can see what you're saying about loving yourself first, and what that means. I like to think I'm a very honest, open and trustworthy person, which I'll go on a bit about further below. I am also always myself, because if I'm not I know for a fact that I won't be happy with any relationship I get myself into, it'll be based upon something I'm not- and who would have my partner become attracted to, the real me, or an image?
 
I use Facebook as a tool. Not for this particular issue, but it sure did help me get back into contact with my friends. You must remember it had been three long years for me- everyone had moved on, to goodness knows where. If it weren't for Facebook, I probably would not have been able to get in contact with my old friends at all again. You can rest assured that it's not just talking online, but it led to meeting once more in real life.
 
 
Now, on to what I was talking about before on honesty, openness and trust. The next verse in the epic saga that is my story!
 
So, remember said female friend and my experiences with and about her that I mentioned above? I was feeling down at work, when I came up with a solution. I'll come out and tell her how I feel, so that at last I can find out where I stand, and no longer have to suffer the frustration of not knowing. But how could I be sure it would be worded the way I wanted it to be, without leaving out any of the information that I wanted to include and without interruption? Why, enter Facebook of course. Sorry Zapped =P
 
So I spent some time composing a private message. The drift of it was that this is important to me, and that under any normal circumstances I would not do this, but I feel with the trust and honesty I share with you I can do this. So then I told her that I not only like her, but rather like her like her. I told her that she's smart and so I reckon she's probably already seen this, but so it's out in the open, this is why I'm doing this.
 
I then talked a little more. I think I read or heard somewhere that the actuality of men and women actually being friends together is but a recent thing, of the last couple hundred of years. Evidently the old ways still hold true in some respects regarding men and women, then. I also told her about how I was finding help here, and how my position was rather painful and unenviable. The thoughts that may be considered fundamental and common between the genders aren't actually so, and when I started to look into the mental differences between men and women I was actually quite surprised at the extent of this.
 
I also said that I found her flirting, if indeed that's what she thought of it as, as rather painful as well in regard to the above issues. I finished it off by saying that I'm not trying to come between her and the guy that she's sorta seeing, as that wouldn't be fair to him, and wouldn't be an honourable success to me. I also added that I hope this message doesn't add any awkwardness or undesirable consequences to our relationship, but I needed my closure.
 
 
She started her reply by saying that it surprised her. See? I didn't see this coming. I figured my responses to her supposed flirting would have given some sort of indication away. I think this is that fundamental differences in thought thing. She said I was brave, and said that she was sorry, but she thinks we should just remain friends. She apologised for her 'friendly manner' which I had misinterpreted as flirting, saying that she had never intended it as such, she's just like that with the people she's really close to.
 
She said that she doesn't feel the same way, and that she is involved with this other guy now, but she appreciated my honesty and hoped it wouldn't come between us. She said not to worry, she'll still be here for me as a friend and if I ever wanted to talk to her about it or get some support, just do it.
 
 
She came online after that and we talked for a bit. I was disappointed, but not to a huge extent, because I had been somewhat expecting this as an answer. I feel... I don't know how to describe it exactly. Sort of ironic, and noble at the same time, like I should be wearing a tuxedo and watching down with wry amusement upon a ballroom dance. I know, a little strange, perhaps with a touch of delusions of grandeur, but hopefully it gets the point across.
 
But I have my position now, and as nice a girl she is to me, and as close a one too, I have to accept that, even if things don't work out with her and her other friend, I'm not in the picture in the same sense. From here, I have to decide where to go. Now I can work on my solace.

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/6/2009 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shannow,

I do have a few male friends, so I know the male/female friendship is possible, but I think it’s rare to have that kind of a friendship without there being ‘certain feelings/attractions’ on at least one person’s part, somewhere along the line. That’s in my own experience, of course. I’ve been in your shoes, and I agree…..it’s a rather painful and unenviable position. However, you’ve handled this with class and admirable personal values, and now you know where things stand, which is always a necessary part of moving on. I hope things get easier for you with respect to your feelings for your friend, and I hope this time of ‘working on your solace’ will bring new insights and enlightenment to you.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Shannow
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/6/2009 9:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your support, Raniah. I know what you're saying about the male/female friendship thing, and I know what you're saying about the 'certain feelings' thing too, so it's nice to have someone to relate to. Throughout this process I've always been looking for strength and understanding, though it's difficult at best. There are so many possibilities for a given action or inaction, and I can't get in anyone's head to look around, so this makes understanding somewhat difficult.
 
Today I started my plan of action. Well, I've always had action plans, but today I started a formalised one. I call it Project Archangel, because... well... I like code names =D. Plus, looking at the title of the document on the computer, nobody would be able to tell what it is, and it's password protected to boot. In it I am analysing my personality and feelings, with the aim of looking at how they affect me, and how I can use them to my advantage. I also plan to have a look at the general and the specific problems that I'm facing and how I can solve them, and also what I could do in the event that successful solving of these problems doesn't alleviate the depression as a whole. When that's done, I might look at emotions and feelings from a more general view- if there's one thing this depression has given me, it's a desire to learn about people.
 
Later all!

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/8/2009 11:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shannow,

A plan of action is always a good thing when you're struggling or feeling depressed.....it seems to give a sense of empowerment and a motivation to change. It's interesting that you said that depression has given you a desire to learn about people....not so long ago, someone on another thread commented on the link between being depressed and the desire to learn about relationships and interpersonal skills. I wish you lots of luck with your new project! Let us know how things go.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Shannow
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/9/2009 10:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you! I shall let you know as things progress. I haven't finalised the plans as of yet, but I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to do.
 
Once again, I want to thank you all for your support! I'm feeling quite well now. I'll continue to post as things go, perhaps even the details of Project Archangel itself!
 
Later!
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