I haven't wrote in a long time so for those that know me I just thought I would give a update. I've been doing much better over this last month, my anxiety is pretty much gone it feels good to be normal and not stressed. I like being this calm person who just lives in the moment. I'm still taking celexa at 20mgs, I never went back to my counselor after only one visit but it's ok. I think that I have realized a lot about myself. I start college in August qualified for a grant and will plan on going full time for 2yrs to get my associates degree. I'm not sure still at this point what to major in but I will just focus on getting my basics out of the way first, maybe I'll have it figured out in the meantime. My son will obviously go to care more then 2 days a week while I'm in school, I'm so excited for both of us. I will be living a life outside of being a mom and he will have more consistency with being in care, which he needs. It's weird but I have come to a peace with this plan to go back to school because it's something I feel that I'm supposed to do. Everything inside of me tells me I'm doing the right thing for myself and my son. And it all works out too because in 2yrs he will be going to school and it will allow me to work in my field after I graduate. I'll also be able to say that I established myself by the time I'm 30 lol.
My SO and I are getting married in September, we have been planning the day and I already got my dress. We are just going to Vegas so nothing extravagent but I've been dreaming about walking down the isle. We will be there for 4 nights and I'm sure it will be very special for both of us. So something else I've been looking forward to. I don't really get depressed anymore, sure I get sad but I feel like a different person now and I'm just waiting to start my life!! Thank you all for being here when I needed you, even though I know I'm not a regular I do wonder how some of you are. Take care and I'll be around.
I also wanted to add have a great 4th of July tomorrow and for everyone reading you WILL find your way. I know in the times of deep emptyness it may not feel like it but we have to keep pushing forward no matter how long it takes. We all have a path to follow in life and one day you will find peace in yours. It took me 3yrs but I vowed to myself that this year would be different. I wish you all comfort in your journey.
Sought help Jan 2009