Need some help.

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Ryan805
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/5/2009 2:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I have been depressed since I can remember. To be completely honest, I do not remember what being happy feels like; If I have ever even felt it...

Long story short: I am in my early 20's, Never had a girlfriend. I do not have a close relationship with my family. My father lives in another state, my mother and father got divorced when I was six.  He now lives in a trailer park alone. I hate who I am, How I look. I am extremely overweight which prevents me from doing what I want to do. My dream is to be a police officer. I do not see myself doing anything else. I don't want to do anything else... I don't trust any of my friends, And I feel so alone. I lost my religion years ago. I am trying to bring God back into my life but its so difficult for me to put my love and trust into a "God" who allows so much pain and suffering in this world. I look around and see war, death, pain, and hate. I have considered talking to a psychiatrist and/or taking anti-depressants, but doing so will stop a police department from hiring me.

I just want to be happy. Thats all I want. I know my life is not that bad... but at the end of the day I am still depressed and I cannot help it no matter how hard I try!  I thought about the Military, to get me out of here and to get my mind off things here at home. But again, my weight stops me from doing so. I think the main problems is that I do not have a girlfriend. I never have... I feel so alone. It sucks liking a girl who doesn't like you back. I just met this girl, I barely know her, and I can already say I like her. I hate how I fall for girls so easily. I don't know what to do! I don't know if I will find any answers here, I am hoping I can get SOME help here. Its so hard for me to talk to my family or my friends. I always have kept everything bottled up inside, I am hoping that this forum will help release some of my depression. 

I would rather there be nothing than to feel so much pain... What is wrong with me?! I am so scared I wont get hired as a police officer. I mean thinking about it, I wouldn't want a crazy depressed police officer like myself running around out there with all that power. And I can't get help for my depression because then I wont get hired!  I need to do something... I need some kinda of help. Someone please help me. cry
 
Edit: Sorry for the edit.  Please review the rules and guidelines of HW.
 
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use or exchange, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/5/2009 10:38:18 AM (GMT-6)


cashmere
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/5/2009 4:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I am so sorry to hear how bad things are for you right now. Please dont give up hope. You have dreams so now its time to make small steps to achieve them. I also have suffered with depression and anxiety so I know how you may be feeling and I am also working my way through it. I have decided to do as much as I can on my own ( before seeing a therapist and stopped taking medication). I bought some self help books, have started to walk everyday, stopped smoking 10 days ago and have started taking vitamins. I am determined to do all I can to stop feeling like I have been. I can already feel a little difference and it may be just because I have made that decision to change my life that I feel like I am going to be OK and I will get through this and there is no reason why you cant either. I am more than happy to offer my support to you. Take care and hope tomorrow brings a smile to your face. Leah

ladywriter
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 7/5/2009 5:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Ryan,
My heart goes out to you. I've been diagnosed with chronic major depression, which began when I was around 11 years old. Some very traumatic things happened to me, and as a result I spent my teenage years suicidal and coped by drinking alcohol to kill the pain. I'm currently 49, a recovered alcoholic with 15 years of sobriety. One thing I have learned is that when I feel suicidal, it's time to seek professional help. You can't think your way out of suicidal depression any more than you can grow wings and fly-at least I can't, and I've been battling this for years.

I strongly suggest that you see a family doctor and have some bloodwork done to determine if your any of your problems are medical in nature. I also wonder if you are using food as a coping mechanism. I've spent the past 15 years around people with multiple addictions, and there is an organization called Overeaters Anonymous that might be helpful. I don't know, I'm just throwing ideas out here that I think might help.

Feeling suicidal is a major red flag that there is a serious problem that needs to be addressed, but you must remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things change when we change and grow. You won't feel this way forever. It will change, but only if you do something to make it change. This site can be part of your support system, but if you have a biologically-based psychological problem as I do, you need a doctor's or psychologist's help.

I understand that you want to be a police officer, but we're talking about your life here!!! Suicidal thoughts are not normal and must be addressed!!! Worry about your career later, but take care of yourself first. Please, please, take care of yourself first and seek professional help. I had to, and it took a while for me to beat the suicidal depression and get my life together, but today my life is better than I ever imagined it would be. If I would have ended up with the life I thought I wanted when I was in my 20s, I would have so short-changed myself. You have so much potential, but when we're mired in suicidal depression it's almost impossible to accomplish anything. When depression is under control, the world looks so much different (better). Things can and will get better for you if you take positive steps in the right direction, which, from my experience, involve seeking professional help. Please take care of yourself and your health.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/5/2009 10:40:20 AM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/5/2009 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Ryan

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  I am sorry you are feeling so bad and I am going to be posting some crisis phone numbers for you.

FYI, you can join the service as weight is not a restriction and, in fact, you would learn how to control your weight and would receivehelp to get into good shape as well as it is a good way to receive an education. 

Now re your post, due to the anonymity of the site and the fact that this is a peer support group and not responsible for calling any authority on any member that threatens suicide, we strongly encourage members to call the hotline , 911, a family member or a friend, or to check themselves in to the local hospital emergency room.

Potential risks exist when sharing distressing material. We do edit graphic details re suicide and self harm as we have vulnerable members and members as young as 13 on the boards.

Please keep the following numbers available to you:

U.S. Helplines


The US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433

NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696

Online Hotline Resource:

http://www.selfinjury.com/index.html

I hope you will call your physician and seek help.

With kindest personal regards,

Kitt


 


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

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