Aurora: Having just read your post I can certainly sympathize with you. I have been alone for this entire July 4th weekend as well. My children are with their father, his live-in "fiance", son and family doing things with his parents that I used to do with them. And others I know are all at picnics. Meanwhile, I am here cleaning, painting and trying to get my house ready to be put on the market in another week and-a-half or so.
But despite all this loneliness and busy work, I am finding some solice in being alone. I went out to a movie last night and I have been doing a lot of reflecting. I've been thinking about what has gone wrong in my life, what currently is wrong and how the heck I am going to get out of it and survive it and then what I would like the future to look like for me and my girls. It seems like you have been doing a lot of the same yourself, looking at all the issues you and your son have had with his former fiancee and how fantastic you have been in supporting him. And you are also looking in advance to that day that was supposed to be so special in October. --By the way, I think it is a great idea to make you own plans ahead of time so that you won't be alone on that day.
I wish I had some magical answers to make everything seem better for you. But increasing your meds to the middle dosage again sounds like it will be a good thing for you. Hopefully you won't have to wait to much longer before you feel some positive effects. I know when my meds get upped (and I just upped them 2 days ago) it usually only takes them a few days to make me feel better again. In the meantime, would it be possible to treat yourself to a matinee movie, curl up with a good book or take a drive somewhere just to get out of the house?
My thoughts will be with you today.
Good Afternoon Aurora,
I am sorry your feeling depressed but I do think increasing your med was a good idea. I would like to think the med will start to work quickly. When I dropped down on mine it only took a short time for the increase in the med to kick back in and raise my blood levels to an acceptable level to help me feel better. I want to say a week to two weeks and I saw improvement. I hope that works for you too.
I know how you feel about getting established with new friends as I am still looking for new friends but it does take energy and that is usually my problem. That and afraid of failing and feeling more depressed.
I do joke with a friend online that I am going to go out to the airport and ride the shuttle or tram all day and maybe I will make new friends.
I am going to toss out some places to meet new friends and then I may even take my own advice.
Join a health club: solves two problems; you'll become less of a couch potato ( not that you are) and more fit. Think of all the people you will meet.
Take a class, any class: again a two in one tactic; you'll learn something new and make new friends. Conversation is easier if you have something in common.
Join a Book Club: Check this out at your local library. Reading books and sharing them is another great way to get to know people.
Go to every Party you are invited to: even if you don't want to go...go. You never know who you'll meet.
Thanks for your help, Frances and Cass. Frances I know you are right in that I will have to push myself if I am going to accomplish something. Right now it feels like an impossible task. Cass, I was alone almost the whole weekend. Fri night I had dinner with a friend and that was nice. Yesterday another friend said she would go to a movie with me and then she cancelled on me. It was raining most of the day and I just didn't have what it takes to go out. Same today. All I have been doing is sitting and watching TV. I can't get myself to do anything else. My son who lives with me will be back tonight so that will help me and my other son will be back at his condo and he said he would call. I think once the week starts and I can talk to my therapist I will hopefully feel better. I went to a depression support group a few times in hopes of getting some support and maybe meeting some friends. I only went about 3 or 4 times because almost all the people in the group were parents of adult children who are bipolar and that did not help me at all. But there is another meeting next week and I am considering going. I am hoping the meds will help also. Sometimes when you are very depressed it is hard to do things. I did get dressed at least in my around the house clothes but I look like the wicked witch of the west. I know I won't be seeing anyone so why put on makeup or do my hair. I hope I can get up the strength to go to my old church and find out what I need to do to become a member again. It is not in the same town where I live. I don't want to be around the snobs that live here. Time just seems to be creeping today. When I get like this I just can't perform as a normal person. All I seem to be able to do is watch TV and cry. In fact I cried when I came back to HW to see that I had 2 replies. It helps to know someone cares.
You posted "Thanks for your help, Frances and Cass."I am sorry my post did not help you any.
Dear Kitt, I am so sorry you thought I wasn't paying attention to your post. I didn't see it until after I answered the other 2. I think your reply was excellent and had many helpful ideas. There are many things that you suggested that I can do to help me and hopefully meet some new people. You have always been so good at getting to the right answers and I in no way was ignoring you or thinking your reply was not helpful. I am going to look into some of the things you suggested especially a class and seminars. I have been very down today and didn't come back on to look at the posts. I have been worrying about my sons getting home from their 4th weekends and I understand the traffic was a nightmare. My oldest is still not home and I worry about him the most because of his epilepsy and the strain of the long drive. Please forgive me if I offended you in any way. I certainly didn't mean to and hope you will accept my apologies. You are a great help and source of comfort to me. I am so,so sorry. If I ever do get invited to a party I will surely go. And to Chartreux, thank you also for your help and support. I know how hard it is to have a child go off to college. It takes some getting used to. I am here to support you when your daughter goes and you need someone to listen to you.
Thank you Raniah for your support. I am at a very low point right now so getting out and doing new things is a bit difficult but I am going to try. Maybe with the help of my therapist I can get some confidence back. I have always been good with people and am always friendly. I just seem to not have much self esteem right now. I do OK at my volunteer job at the Senior Center but everyone knows me so that is easy for me. But I went into that situation cold by forcing myself and it worked out well. I think I will start with the depression support group and see how it goes. Maybe there will be some new members. I am still thinking over the church idea because once you start they always want you to join all the programs and go to services every Sunday and i'm not sure i'm up to that yet. Thank you Raniah for helping me. I will post how things are going.
Dear Kitt, It was good to hear from you and I am so glad you are not angry with me. Your post had so many good suggestions. I am in a very bad place right now and it is going to take me a while to resolve some of my issues. I am going to see my therapist in a few minutes and hope she can help me deal with this terrible feeling I have inside of me. I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach and I have no appetite which is very unusual for me. Maybe when the higher dose of my a/d med kicks in I will start to feel better. I can usually pinpoint what is bothering me but this time I just don't know what it is. I feel bad and I can't understand what is happening to me. I know I am good at trying to help others find things to do and make their lives better but when it comes to me I just seem to fail. I think abuse as a child is still with me and keeping me from becoming a stronger person. Iwish too I lived closer as it would be so great to have a wonderful friend like you to really do things with. Will update with any news.
I will be waiting to hear how your appointment went and please know you will find the answer or at least how to deal with the feelings.
I know how hard it is to feel alone even when you are surrounded by people and you try so hard to understand why you cannot feel happiness. I do try to stay in the moment but there are times when being in the moment is painful too.
So we keep moving forward dear Aurora and we will come out ok but right now you are in pain and that makes me feel sad too.
Here we are two people looking for a good friend and yet we are so far away.
You have my support and caring always even when my brain is in malfunction mode........
Dear Kitt and HW friends, I did see my therapist today and we did go over a lot of things. I am still not feeling very good but she did give me some advice and suggestions. First of all she is glad my Pdoc upped my med but that is going to take a bit before I can feel the effects. We have determined that the one big thing that is making me so down is getting dragged into a discussion with my son about his former fiance. Although he asked her not to contact him anymore she doesn't seem to be able to help herself. She has many serious emotional problems and her move to DC where she knows no one is making her very sad. She has left him voice mail messages and emailed him. He tells me about them as he wants to discuss it as he feels it helps him in getting over her. And he is improving quite a bit. She left him 4 voice mail messages over the weekend which he said were so sad and weeping. She drove back to IL this past weekend to leave her car with her parents and they told her on the way to home to stop by and pick up her wedding gown as it was ready. She was also unpacking boxes of things that she had left at my son's condo. When he told me the bit about the dress I just cried. How could her parents be so cruel to make her get the dress she will not be wearing. I think her parents are very angry with her and not giving her any support right now. They are in the process of moving to Colorado so they will now be very far from her. I think she was hoping for some support from my son but he has made up his mind that he cannot ever contact her again or it will hamper his recovery. I told him not to listen to these messages and delete the emails but he said he can't. I also told him he should get a new email address and new phone # but he says it would be difficult because of all the friends he has who have his numbers. I am hurting terribly for her as I understand the true dispair of lonliness. But I think hearing all this is what is making me so depressed. I want to support him and help him but I think I am going to have to tell him I am having a hard time with this and that he really needs to talk this over with his therapist. Is there a nice and comforting way I can tell him without offending him or having him think I am not there for him? I am so caught in the crossfire. I love him dearly but I think this is too much for me to take now. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanking you in advance.