Need help please.

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Ineed help
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/5/2009 5:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok this is my first time ever posting on something like this. But I need some help and advice or something. A few years ago I found out I had depression then after awhile I felt fine atleast I thought I did, so I stopped taking them. Well now I am four days out of a two year relationship and still living with her untll I can find somewhere else. The reason I am asking for help is because I am having a really hard time with the break up, and I have noticed that I lack motivation to go out and do alot of stuff. I would like some advice on what I can do to help me get threw this time living with the girl I love and what steps or anything I can do to get my self esteem and motivation to go out and do stuff. I am also extreamly shy idk if that has anything to do with depression. Thank you for any help or advice

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 7/5/2009 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Help,
First off, Welcome to HW! It sounds like you are really going through a rough time right now. I am not positive, but I think in order to be diagnosed with clinical depression, it needs to last for weeks. If you have already been depressed for a while, I would suggest you see a professional to get help. If this is just a very recent thing, maybe you could try getting out of the house more often. It must be really tough living with someone after a breakup.

Can you go out with friends, learn a new hobby, attend a movie, go to activities at a church/temple, sign up for something with the park district, etc. That will give you a chance to meet new people, as well as limit the amount of time that you have to spend at home feeling depressed about the breakup & not being able to escape that.

I know you say you are very shy. I am too. I've found that it is a lot easier to participate is structured activities like group exercise classes, discussion groups at the library or volunteering at the food pantry, rather than just going to parties, bars, etc. where I have to try to take a lot more initiative & keep up a conversation with a complete stranger. Even activities like going to the quilting circle where the other ladies don't really talk very much is relaxing for me b/c at least I am not stuck inside my horrible little home (I'm going through foreclosure right now, so my home is not exactly a happy place either, though for different reasons), feeling sorry for myself and knowing I need to get out in the world but being afraid or too apathetic to actually go anywhere.

I will share that the longer you stay inside the harder it will be to try to reconnect with outside activities. I learned that the hard way & as much as I don't always feel like it, I do now try to find activities that I enjoy & force myself to go out. Once I'm there, I usually really enjoy being around people, but it just feels dreadful up until about 2 minutes after I arrive & have to talk with someone (whether or not I know them). The more you get out, I think the better you will feel. Give it a try! :) If it doesn't work, you could always try counseling or meds.

take care,
frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/5/2009 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi INeed,

Welcome to our group. I’m sorry for what you’re going through….it must be really hard for you to live with your ex after such a recent breakup from a longstanding relationship. I would suggest doing whatever you can to get out of that house during your waking hours……go out for coffee, go browsing in a bookstore, go to the movies, go for a walk in the park…..whatever it takes so that you’re not surrounded by those memories all day in the place that you’ve shared together. Make finding another place to live your main focus, if you can. Getting some physical distance really does help. As far as the depression goes, I would make an appointment with your doctor, and discuss whether or not you need some meds and/or counseling to get you back on track. Hang in there, and keep posting with us. This is a great place to share.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 7/5/2009 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Just four days out of relationship of course your still hurtings, getting over a relation can take time and you might
wanna consider going on a depression med for a short term to see if it can help again..
I'm sorry about your relationship break up, but it will take time and find a new place to live soon..
Take your time before even starting a new relationship with anyone..
With hope that someday you'll find a good relationship, try to keep hope in that..
Others will come by with better advise...
Soft Hugz and lots of them and a shoulder to cry on when you need it, sometimes crying might help...
it's okay for guys to cry, it can be helpful...
Keep us posted...
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Ineed help
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/5/2009 7:02 PM (GMT -7)   
ty everone for advice. I am trying and getting out there and doing anything to keep my mind off of what is going on. I really wish I could go to doctor but I don't have health insurence and don't got money for the doctors. Ty again for advice

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 7/5/2009 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Help,

Like you say, it has only been 4 days. Give yourself a chance to be sad for a while & to try to move on. If you are still having a really awful time after a few weeks, there are free clinics or sliding scale clinics that could help you out & probably even get you a few months of samples. But meds take a while to kick in anyways, so for a sadness that will likely take weeks, rather than months to recover from, they're not really much benefit.

If you feel you need a therapist, you can call the Covenant House Nine Line and ask for a referral for a free/sliding scale therapist in your area. They also have a website at http://nineline.org where you can do a web search for local therapists.

take care,
frances
Moderator -- Depression Forum

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