Relationship problems / depression?

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Kat loves Jake
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/6/2009 3:08 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm going to try to make this as short as possible for all who take the time to read this and help me through this newly found 'issue.' I'm a new member (I just subscribed like 10 minutes ago) so my apologies if I make any mistakes ):

My last visit to the doctor, I was diagnosed with depression. I'm 16-years-old and was in denial for quite awhile. I've been flushing the medication and not taking it. This however, is the least of my worries because I still doubt I'm depressed. My main problem is recently, I've been feeling 'disconnected' from my boyfriend of 10 months. (Please keep in mind this is an online relationship and we get by with phone calls and webcam) My heart tells me I'm in love with him and I believe that, although there is this part of me that's so completely lost and recently it's becoming much of a problem. I feel guilt regularly but it's like a mood swing, I'll feel bad about it for an hour or two, then be fine all night until I wake up again. Like I've already stated, I love him as hard as that may be for some, maybe most of you to understand. I just don't know what is going on. Somebody suggested that it may be the "chemical attraction" wearing off, due to our relationship being over 5+ months. My question to everybody here, is what can I do to fix this, what do YOU think this feeling is and how can I over come this, myself? Him and I are both dearly committed to this relationship and he knows what is going on with me. We're both ready to work through this, regardless to how hard it is. If anybody can talk to me or simply just suggest their opinions, please do so! It would be very appreciated.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18774
   Posted 7/6/2009 5:46 AM (GMT -7)   
hi kat. first i would suggest that you see your doc, maybe you need to reinstate your medication. not taking them will esculate your depression. in terms of your bf, well u have to follow your gut instintics. hey, you are young, thus i would suggest you sought out your situation, i.e of depression or not. could be hormonal, could be a lot of things. see your doc, and or talk with a school counsellor, or someone you feel comfortable with. i wish you well. jamie. male, 37.
 
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Kat loves Jake
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/6/2009 6:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, I'm homeschooled and as far as a counselor goes, i've been trying to get one for months ): it's very hard to get an appointment so I thought i'd try this out. Thank you for your reply, but the thing is, I do love him. I just don't know how to get over this funk and if it could possibly be related to the depression?

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/6/2009 7:46 AM (GMT -7)   

Kat

Welcome to HealingWell.  I am sorry to hear your going through a tough time.  I feel you should talk with your parents and see your physician again to get started on an AD.  If you went to the physician's and he offered you a cure or something that would help I feel like you should give it a try.

Throwing the meds away is not going to help you.  Also your posting in the Depression Forum and your physician has dx you with Depression so why not try to work through your problems with the help of your family and your physician.

Again a warm welcome,

Kitt

 

 


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 7/6/2009 8:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

Welcome to HealingWell.

I wonder that maybe you should be taking your meds instead of flushing them. Let your doctor know that you aren't taking them. That way he can help you more.

I hope that you are feeling better soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/6/2009 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kat,

I can't help but wonder if you feel like you're missing out on something because you and your boyfriend cannot spend time together in person. Please understand, I'm not judging in any way.....I know that people really do get attached in online relationships. I guess I'm just thinking about our needs for closeness in other ways.....being able to share experiences, like going places together, and being able to give each other hugs....things like that. Do you and your boyfriend live at a great distance from each other? Is there any way that you can meet and spend time together - even just to go on a date - sometime over the summer? I wonder if that might help. I can tell that you and he are serious about this, and I would like to see you find some happiness and peace of mind again. Please keep posting....we're here for you.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Kat loves Jake
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/6/2009 3:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Jacob lives in Illinois and I'm in North Carolina. It's a 13 hour drive and sadly, I don't think a meeting at the moment is possible do to my uptight mother- she doesn't "believe" we're dating due to the distance. She tells everybody we're 'friends' and gets angry when I ask if he can come see me. I asked a few days ago and she flat out told me no. My dad lives in Washington state and I've lived with him for 6 years, after my parents split. Sadly, my dad has made some poor choices and I couldn't take it any longer so that is why I am here, with my mom. My step dad is in iraq and unfortunately I was sexually abused by my uncle as a child. I guess you could say I am feeling lost. The thing is, I know that I'm missing a physical relationship right now but that's alright with me. It's very hard but It's worth it with him; he's such a wonderful man. I can't picture myself with anybody else, let alone having anybody else make me feel this way. I have a problem with opening up to my parents, I don't feel like I get anywhere with them and if my mom knew I wasn't taking my medication, she'd flip out on me. I want to try to start taking them again, but I can't make any promises that i'll tell somebody. ):

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/6/2009 7:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kat,

That is quite a distance. I know it’s hard at your age when you have to rely on a parent to make arrangements for meetings, etc.. If you are okay with handling the separation (and it seems that you are, as much as anyone can be), then I would continue to chat with him and enjoy the relationship. As far as your medication goes, is there any particular reason that you don’t want to take it? I’m not going to pressure you to do so, but I was wondering what was bothering you about it.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Kat loves Jake
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/6/2009 7:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I guess because I'm in denial and I don't think I have depression ): idk if i do or not..

ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 7/6/2009 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   
These are the opinions of someone who's been depressed 10+ years and married for 19. Make of them what you will.

Since you've been diagnosed, the likelihood is that you really are depressed. Psychs usually have you work through a series of questions about your thoughts and feelings and total up the score to determine if you are depressed. It is as accurate as you make it be. You can find these types of tests online very easily by doing a quick search for "online depression test". There are a couple easily found at http://depression.about.com/cs/diagnosis/l/blscreenquiz.htm.

Long term depression is the result of a biochemical imbalance in your brain. You can't think your way out of that anymore than you could having diabetes.

As to the rest of it, depression can lead to a feeling of disconnection in relationships. So can the lack of physical proximity. So much of early love is the result of hormones and pheromones. For a relationship to survive and thrive after the initial chemically driven emotions fade, you need to have established multiple points of interest and such to carry you into the more mature and mellow stages of love.

Kat loves Jake
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/6/2009 11:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, considering you're a lot old compared to me and you seem to have much more experience about depression compared to me, do you think it'd be possible for you to try and explain your thoughts and feelings about love? I mean, have you ever felt disconnected due to your depression and if so, what did it feel like, ect?

ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 7/7/2009 6:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Being older doesn't mean you have any better grasp on your feelings! :) You've just experienced them for much longer.

My feeling of disconnection was like the magic trick where the magician covers something like a table or a box and you could see the shape of what was underneath, but when the cover is pulled away there is nothing there.

My logical brain knew that I loved her for years and was till in love with her, but there was no actual feeling inside of that structure.

Confusing? Sorry.

You and Jake can make it work, but that is exactly what it takes ... work. After the initial phase ends, both of you have to keep each other in the forefront of your minds, and communicate in a real and honest way. That's about all the advice I have in keeping a relationship going.

Kat loves Jake
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/7/2009 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   
did you ever feel extreme guilt? almost like, leaving them would make them happier, but you always knew that you couldn't live without them and you DIDNT WANT to leave? it's so confusing to me.

ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 7/8/2009 7:54 AM (GMT -7)   
If your relationship with Jake ends, you will go on to have other loves and experience joy in life. Your physical separation is a big hurdle to overcome. Many strong relationships fail once someone moves away. There are many people who had that one great love in high school, then one of them went to college in another state and three months later the relationship is no more.

Most definitely I have had those feelings.

"She deserves better. What can she possibly see in me. If I wasn't in her life she would be happier. She's going to meet someone else and realize just how terrible I really am." I would try to force her out for her own good while secretly screaming in my head to STAY STAY STAY I need you so much. (You might look for information on codependency as well)

I feel that being depressed puts a twisted filter within your brain. What other people say and do runs through that filter and comes in to your brain all warped. I think that for many people without self esteem issues, being on the right medicine removes this filter and you can see things for what they really are, rather than what you interpret.

The reality is that these feelings continued for me even on the medicine, because they stem from a warped self image. All the medicine did is stop myself from self destructing.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy has been extremely helpful for this whereas taking medicine or seeing a shrink wasn't. There is a site called Mood Gym that I find useful. Its free and can take you through the steps of identifying your thoughts and feelings to determine what kind of warped thinking you might have. It then provides skills to combat the warped thinking.

There are also many good books out there, and quite frankly, I get them from the library.

If you are truly depressed, you can fight it and live with it ... it is all dependent on how much work you put into it. I spent eight years solely taking medicine and continuing to be miserable because of the messed up thinking. I regret not taking further action and making those eight years a blessing rather than a curse.

Kat loves Jake
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/8/2009 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
first of all, I know what being codependent means, and I'm the furthest thing from that. Secondly, I don't want another love. I really do love him and I really am in love with him, despite my age and what others may possibly think. We're both willing to get over this bump in the relationship and what you're describing is exactly how I am feeling; therefore I know it's not abnormal for me to be feeling this way. Thank you for your help, really. It's been so appreciated and I've been anxiously awaiting your replies for further information and opinions. This site as already helped me tons and I don't feel so guilty anymore because I know that it's something I can't stop myself, without medication. I'm 16, i'm young and I thought I was lost for a second there; which honestly scared me.

ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 7/8/2009 9:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Its great that you are not feeling guilt anymore.

All of these negative thoughts brought on by depression takes so much of your energy, its draining at times. I think that once you are stabilized you will be able to dedicate more energy to right things about yourself and your relationship with Jake.

You may have been lost for a little bit, but you are already putting yourself on the right path by learning more about yourself and using resources like this site to gain perspective. You are taking action and should feel good about yourself for that.

Good luck Kat.

Post Edited (theronson) : 7/8/2009 10:36:09 PM (GMT-6)


Kat loves Jake
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/9/2009 6:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hehe. Thank you Theronson! It's been my pleasure speaking with you! I'll keep you updated daily on here. Hopefully we can chat some more, soon!

Kat loves Jake
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/16/2009 5:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everybody!

I'm been taking my antidepressants, after realizing that it wouldn't fix itself. It's something that I have no control over and if taking medication heals me, let alone helps me then it needs to be done. I've been feeling wonderful the past week or two since i've been taking them. I feel like a new person, to be honest. Although I never had doubts about my relationship, I feel as if the 'disconnected' as fled. Everything is back to normal and the way it's supposed to be! This forum has helped me a lot, oddly enough. Everybody here has been so helpful to me in my time of need. Jacob has also been at my side through out it all. Him and I are actually planning on seeing each other for my birthday in October! That gives us plenty of time to save up and I'm blessed I'm finally going to be able to hold him. I'll be going down to my fathers (In washington state) to visit my dad and my sister. My dad has gladly given me permission to have him also, come down! I'll be with him for a few weeks down there. Thankfully enough, my dad even offered to pay for his plane ticket! I won't be posting here daily anymore, but I will be leaving you all updates!

As I've already said, thank you all for everything! <3

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/16/2009 4:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kat,

I'm so glad you are feeling better. You sound really good! I'm happy to know that you and Jacob will be meeting in the fall.....that is really exciting for both of you. I hope everything goes well. Please do keep us posted....we would love to hear from you again. All the best to you.
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Kat loves Jake
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/21/2009 11:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Ran!

Everything is still going absolutely amazing. I couldn't of asked for a better feeling. It's a hard feeling to describe, considering I felt like I lost it. It feels like, I belong somewhere now? I know what I want to do with my life and who I want to do it with. My love for Jacob is more than ever, at this point of my life. I know he's the man I want to marry. I could sit here for hours telling you my reasons why, but I doubt any of you want to listen to that. n_n He's an amazing man and my life revolves around him. He's the center of my attention at all times and my heart will always, always belong to Jacob. I still couldn't thank any of you enough for the help and support you've all given me. To be honest, this help was what convinced me to try my antidepressants. I guess for a long time, the thought about having a pill control my emotional state was what originally upset me. I didn't believe I needed it in order to be happy and healthy but I was wrong and I fully admit that. I'm in a very happy state of mind these past few weeks and I couldn't thank anybody for that, other than you guys here and my boyfriend; who has been standing at my side throughout it all. I'm more than appreciative for it all.

I hope all of you know I'm here for you, if you ever need anything! Although I don't scan through the forums here, aside from mine (which is linked directly from my desktop) I do hope if any of you need anything, you'd post on mine. I'd gladly respond. My mother is actually calling a counselor tomorrow morning and hopefully I can schedule an appointment for a meeting! I've never been against counseling; I've always thought It was for the better and I stick to that opinion.

Once again, thank you all!

Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/23/2009 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, Kat, what an uplifting message! You sound really happy. :-)

I'm glad the antidepressants are working so well, and also that you are planning to schedule a meeting with a counselor. That's wonderful. It sounds like you are head over heels in love, and that Jacob is being very kind and supportive to you. I'm thrilled to hear it!

Take care, and check in again soon. (((hugs)))
 
Moderator, Depression Forum
 
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder

 

 


Kat loves Jake
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/25/2009 12:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I am very, very happy. I couldn't have asked for a better feeling. Me and Jacob have been working harder and harder on our relationship together and I have to say, the feelings for him only get stronger and stronger with each passing day. He's a wonderful man and to finally have somebody there to support me and lift me up with I'm done is a feeling I'll never be able to explain. It's so relieving and so appreciated. He's my best friend and that all by itself makes him the most important person in my world. Things aren't just going well, they are going wonderfully. My birthday is coming up in October and I'll be turning 17. I'm excited to see what it'll bring.

The depression has not only disappeared but It's made me much stronger. I don't cry randomly anymore. I've started to realize that I can do anything when I put effort into it and things such as school, house work, tending to my animals becomes less and less stressful for me. Of course things such as those will always be stressful but just the simple fact of not being so emotionally confused every day, all day, makes it that much easier. I can honestly say that I'm extremely happy with where my life is going but I do regret the fact that I didn't take them, when they were originally prescribed. I find myself going out more and more (although slowly) and enjoying my time out and about.

Once again, I want to thank each and every one of you for supporting me in my time of need. It's so heart warming to know that unlike some people, there really are genuine people out there! That by itself, rose my spirits quite a lot.
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