Welcome to Healing Well!
I'm not sure any of us could say whether it is anxiety or depression causing your symptoms. They are so similar that you really need a professional to make that determination after a through interview, taking your history & asking specific questions and such. I would encourage you to try to find a therapist in your area so you could find out what's causing you to feel this way & to start to work on healing your past so you can look forward to your future.
I can understand why you would be nervous about leaving your past behind you. It is hard to choose the unknown future over a known past -- even when our past was horrible. Based on what you've written, it sounds like you're not really benefiting in any way from staying connected with your old friends or your on-again-off-again boyfriend. I imagine you would be much happier trying to find friends who share your current goals & values. Maybe you could try going to some new places to start to meet new kinds of people -- volunteering, park district activities, local intramural sports teams, crafting groups, toastmasters clubs, religious groups, civic groups, etc. Just start trying new things & see what you like. The upside is that even if you don't like the activity, you might meet some new & wonderful friends. :)
Please keep posting here. The members are wonderful & very supportive. I'm sure others will be along to welcome you shortly.
Moderator -- Depression Forum