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Deadbees
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 7/13/2009 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello,
I am here to find out what i should do. I am very depressed.

Here is my story (short version):

I am 20 years old. I have been in love with this woman for about 3 years now. She is in love with me as well. I was going to ask her to marry me on her birthday (really soon..). The other night we got into a fight and something happened. Something bad.. Her mother found out and she says she is forbidden to see me and if she does then she will lose her son. I love them both very much. It's hard for me to just give up. Nobody would ever love this woman as much as i do. I was able to talk to her last night and she told me she loved me and we would find a way. Then i talked to her this morning and she told me it couldn't work. This has been going on for 3 days now. My question is. What should I do? I love her very much and every day i cry. Seems like i do every 30 minutes really. I have had thoughts that i can not mention so i will not get into that. I've done things i should not have. I don't want to eat.. I don't to drink. I can't sleep at night. I don't want to have any fun. I just sit inside my dark bedroom all day long and think. It's like being in jail..

What can I do?
How can we be together?

If anybody could give me advice on this. please do so.

Thank you so much!

Post Edited (Deadbees) : 7/13/2009 11:19:01 AM (GMT-6)


jk1119
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 7/13/2009 10:25 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't understand why she would lose her son - does her mother have custody. Are you a lot older than she is? Is there something about your past that her mother doesn't like, or does she know, or think she knows something about you that is or isn't true. Or does she just not want her daughter dating anyone. Does your girlfriend's son like you, do you two have a good relationship? Is her mother just afraid that she'd get hurt, like maybe she had in the past? Sorry for all the questions, I am just so confused as to why her mother is so adamant about her not seeing you and why she would let her mother have that much control. Just wondering.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 7/13/2009 10:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Deadbees,

Welcome to HealingWell.

You say that you are 20 years old. How old is she? Is it your baby? How can her son be taken away just from her seeing you? I need more info before I can comment on this.

But I can say, things will work out for the best. They always do. You have to have faith. And remember the things that you are thinking about, are not going to help your situation at all. They will just cause more misery for many people involved. Not only you.

Please answer my questions so that we understand your situation a little better.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Deadbees
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 7/13/2009 10:32 AM (GMT -7)   
She turns 21 this month. The child is still her ex boyfriends.

She is in court right now for 100% custody. She right now has a low chance of winning.

The child likes me a lot. he comes to me all the time, we play together, go for walks. i even watch him while she is working. Our relationship is just fine. We have arguments here and there, but everybody has rain yano? I don't know what her mothers deal is, but i think it has to do with her ex..

Her mother thinks i abused her. And in court if she has an abusing boyfriend, she can lose her child.

For some reason i feel that i need her to live yano?

Thanks

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 7/13/2009 10:45 AM (GMT -7)   
What would make her mother think that you abused her? Is it from the fights that you have? Do they ever get physical? I don't understand why she would have a minimal chance of getting full custody of her son. Is there something in the past? If her ex was abusive, she should get custody.

Let us know.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Deadbees
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 7/13/2009 10:49 AM (GMT -7)   
her ex was abusive.. and her mother knows that.

but half a year ago she was dating a certain person and was popping certain things, that led her to choices...

(rules can't really say it.. yano?)

i did not hit her. i would never do that..

but 1 fight i was so upset i pushed her away from me and walked away crying.. i punched trees doors walls.. you name it...

haha posted this in a new topic.. oooopsy!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 7/13/2009 10:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Deadbees,

I am sorry that she was abusing. I hope that she is clean now. It is very important for the baby. She has to have her wits about her, thinking straight.

It sounds like you had a lot of anger built up, of frustration. I wonder if the two of you could go to counseling. That would show that you are really trying. You sound like a person with deep emotions. That is good, but the anger is not. Try not to hit things. That can hurt you, if you know what I mean.

I truly think that both of you could benefit from counseling. You need that objective point of view. From somebody honest and caring.

I hope that things work out for you so that you two can be together with the baby. That would be nice for all concerned. But truly think about the counseling.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Deadbees
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 7/13/2009 10:56 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks karen. that is a good idea..

her mother changed her phone number and got her a new phone. i think i'm going to call her work and say something to her about it...

thanks a ton.

(btw i have 2 messed up knuckles and the rest are all cut open)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 7/13/2009 11:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Deadbeesm

I hope that she goes for the counseling. I think it would be good for both of you. It would help you a lot in your relationship.

I am glad that she is working. That is good. It sounds like she is really trying to make a go of it.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Deadbees
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 7/15/2009 1:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey karen. an update on my situation.

we have talked only a night for a few days. on the computer. she does not want to risk giving me her number for her mother to find it. it's working, but it does hurt to only talk to her for a few hours at night.

On the bright side, i asked her if she was willing to go behind her mother and marry the person she loves... she told me yes. so i am still going to go through with my plans. she says she will says yes. she also said she never had a birthday worth remembering. so on her birthday i will ask her to marry me. in front of her friends, and anybody around.

i have also mentioned counseling, and she said she's alll for it!! although i don't know what kind of counseling we would need. i'm going to look into couples therapy. my anger issue is what hurts us. that is my thoughts.. i might even do anger management.

she tells me she still loves me. she doesn't say it as often as she used to though. she is also a bit weirder. talking to other guys on the phone instead of calling me? it hurts. i tell her. but i let her do it because i trust her.. well with our past we have had. i feel that i am insecure with myself. i feel like she might do something again. so i try to stop her from doing things that has happened before. until she turns it around and uses it against me.

we have also had a few open hearted talks. but i left her a message seeing if we could get together to talk and have a true heart to heart..

also idk if this is against the rules but i will post a site that gave me soo much information on what i've done WRONG!

here it is: http://saveyourrelationship.net/t/vcde/ty.php?landing=vcde&opt=yes&getpostdata=get&B1=Save%20My%20Relationship!&name=Tony&email=rehor2@hotmail.com&site=submit&ip=173.23.72.245&ref=vcde

if it is against the rules. go ahead and remove it :)

but trust me. i just listened to the video, and i will probably order this! just now i learned so much on what i did wrong and if i get this. i can fix everything!

i'll update you in a few! got workkk to do!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 7/15/2009 3:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Deadbees,

It sounds like you are really trying. And yes I think couples counseling would be a good place to start.

And I think that the anger management is good for you too. You do sound like you are putting extra effort in this relationship.

I don't blame you for questioning why she is talking to other guys on the phone. Are they just friends or something? Some girls have a lot of men friends, I use to have. But you said that she has cheated on you before, so I hope that it is innocent.

Thanks for posting. I am glad to hear that you are trying really hard. I think that the counseling is a good idea.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Deadbees
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 7/20/2009 2:06 PM (GMT -7)   
hey karen. it's me...

well i tried, as hard as i possibly could...

today she tells me she doesn't think she loves me as much as i love her. she doesn't want to get married anymore. doesn't want to talk. no friendship. so this is the end of us

unfortunately for me... i started drinking and smoking again.... ajkdlfsa;fjdsl;ajgdl well i'll keep this site bookmarked for future reference.

otherwise let this be a lesson for whoever reads it.. LOVE HURTS!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/20/2009 4:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Deadbees,

I know you posted to Karen but I have been following your thread and I feel  it's time for your to take a giant step back and reassess this romance, or what's left of it.

It is crucial that you understand how important it is that a person's words and actions match.

She may tell you she loves you occasionally and under pressure, but her actions prove otherwise. What you have described is a romance that's going nowhere positive.  What you have is the loss of a dream but I do believe in you and I hope that you will seek counseling.

Please take care of youself first as you must be your own best friend.  I wish you peace and happiness.  I do see hope for you in the future.

Take care and keep on talking to the members here in the forum.

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


Deadbees
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 7/21/2009 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Kitt or Karen. Since you both are a great help to me! I don't htink i could've done anything without your help!

I talked to her last night. She told me that she loved me, and i know she does. LOL Fell for it again :|

Today, i call her, she says she'll call me back, so i wait and wait and wait.. i'm dumb i know!

an hour goes by and i send her a text and tried calling her. she ignored the call and didn't reply. so i was like ***? why don't you answer? she says she's busy. i was like what you, so goes i'm with <name> (i don't want to use names yano?) so my first instinct was hurtttttt! i tried calling more and texting, just keep getting ignored and whatever. so finally i was like you know what! these stupid love games are oooover!

to think i was gunna marry this woman.. had the ring and evvvverything! Haha! Stupid-ol-me followed the heart.. but i should've went with my brain instead!

it's safe to say i think my heart has been broken enough to finally let go! what a shame lol.

i am somewhat cheerful to be honest. but i do need to quit smoking again! good thing i can do it whenever i want to right?

thanks for all your help! i will be looking back from time to time, and maybe i could give some of my advice to other people. since i've been through it all.

p.s all of my friends around here come to me for ADVICE, too bad i can't give myself any.. go figure!

Thanks again!

Big T!
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